heavy hearted
i pondered at the ripples of your tears
why the distress?
when the sun always shine from behind of you

The facadely smiles
tainted your complexion with a fear
the hidden sobs
disguised by the silhouette of your frame

you can't go on like how you used to
the pillar you were to so many
is finally cracking and trembling
one day, just crash down to wake the callous ones

the steel beams that held your body together
the trusty pats from the contractors
the ones who claim to give but take
the termites that wretched your nerves

so come fall on us all
to wake the oblivious senses we harboured
to think you are a god
an angel without wings

when you have collapsed, crumbling to bits
let the obtused minds see
the shattered fragments that held you up
smashing on their shades, their blocked-up heads

had a dream
was dreaming of you
sweet it seemed

shared a drink
looked unto your eyes
my heart sings

How lovely
is my dream of you
my baby

so i slept
to linger with you
a little longer

cause nothing else matters
cause everything else falters

except this love for you

weijian
13/12/05

It's already 3.30am. Just came back from a gathering at Clark Quay with my army frens. It's Jason's birthday and he invited me down to his bday gathering.. wow.. it's the 2nd bday i've celebrated with him so far liao... Cool..

Anyway basically I've had a great time talking and spending time with them all. Great to know that they miss me too... seems like the chair next to where i formerly sat aint so desirable anymore. Heyhey.. gentlemen... pls built a rapport with the new Dy.. :) One thing about drinking is tat it makes people less conscious about themselves and are more expressive. then i got to know that there's another guy who has only saluted 2 officers in his army life so far.. one is his own DyL, the other is me.. hahaha.. and i when i left.. i returned so many salute that i felt so paiseh.. it's a ktv pub, not something too military or formal...

Alrite.. in a few hours time i'll be flying off to Down under... hopefully i'll not suffer too much of a hangover.. (i hardly drank btw..) and have a great time there... lovely place... 3rd trip there in my lifetime so far...

So you guys pls take care and i'll miss you all a lot.. esp my deary baby... LOVE YOU!

Cheers
Bob

I've been appointed as a CO.

Civilian Officially. :)

There's so much i wanna start but do not know where to begin. Let's expedite on it in it's sequence of occurance.

Clearance:

I had always harboured a cartload of shudders and dreads whenever it comes to interaction with my Log Officer. Pre-conceived mindsets of PSOs as cannibals (Dys as consumables) set me off in the wrong footing and subsequent clashes with him burnt all possible leaves for our relationship to turn over. Many a time he would confront me with computer matters as it is an ambiguious area, whose it's nature being a "sai kang *(shit hole) " left behind by my upper-upperstudy. Thus I'm pretty much faced with a wall that grew taller with every passing month. All records seem lost or mysteriously consumed by some extra-terrrestrial being who drop by our office every nite to feast on classified docs.

Finally interaction seemed imminent. My clearance form demanded for his signature. OH man.. i hesitated and contemplated getting his Dy (Issac) signature. What's a Dy for man? To help folks like me to keep a distance from my fear. Kinda inclined towards tat but alas, my fellow ORDing officers dragged me along to hunt for LogO.

There we were, standing before his table. LogO quickly settled some of his matters before attending to us. My gut instinct proved right, he begun with a lot of sharing (log o's style) before speaking to the individual with his own personal comments. There i stood in trepidation(fear), expecting a pail of shit to clear before I could gain his signature, but I was so wrong.

He praised me for me effort, for the kind of worker I have been. He encouraged me and made me feel appreciated. Admitted to his incesant nagging, I was at a lost, stunned but definitely touched. He finally ended with, "I hope we can remain as friends and come out for coffee some day."

Everyone laughed. Chun onn n Dzar still witnessed this moment.. felt so paiseh.. then one of them said, "he's blushing"

Shucks man.. felt like crying. Think i'm shy meh?

something that everyone don't know. Only my gal. The reason why I kept helping logO is because of the Bible that he places on the table. I kept telling myself that he is my "brother" that's why I wanna help him so much. Also DyLog is another of common faith, therefore I was so determine to help them.

Oh my Log experience....

I love all of you! From the guys at Log branch to the guys at FS branch. From A coy to Z coy... There's so much I wanted to say and thank... but dumb me had an appt so early~! shitty la... left like that.. kinda hate myself for that. Jason was rite la. Shd stay. :P

Missing you..

MPO

My MPO is my man. He's the very reason why the DyMPO's appt exists, to assist him.

Bet no one actually knew.. I've almost caused him to lose his job. But he's pretty cool about it, and he really impacted me in this sense. He was still so calm when he told me he could lose his job over this small matter. his patience and cool-headedness is unbelievable. Anyway I happy that he finally got posted to a unit that's so much nearer to his home and place is pretty much stable.

Finally after so many months, i felt liberated enough to speak to him like an uncle to me. I finally felt less constraint and opened up to him even more. how i wished we had this kind of relationship right from the start. IT would be awesome. I'm gonna miss you and the whole MP branch. All of you... esp jeff for staying back late with me when i needed help... for those coffee you've help me to make, for the biscuit treats.. for the outings to Zacom... for the canteen breaks you helped me get.. i miss jason for walking with me to court marsh. I miss listening to him.. i miss bai... i miss his sharing of thoughts.. i miss ah lao... i miss seeing him on the chair next to me with his... "sian ah" i miss the long journey home with pengfeng.. the crap i've shared with him... i miss Chief's nagging... though a little potent.. but she's my chief... my best advisor... i miss haslan.. everything also can...i miss rayner for his computer advise.. i miss shang for being my closest neighbour.. i miss Michelle from airforce.. hahahahahhaha... ney.. not as much as you guys...

Still can remember the shots Mark took of MPO at East Coast. Seems like time really flew.. Then he was so drunk that started talking some kinda nonscense that we all laughed.

MPO Sir, Kudos to you.

Training

I miss my training branch guys. One and everyone of them.. i miss their hositality... i miss the times spent together.. Edmund, ah liang my couz, wing, jason, cai, cewei, fred, and the who.. i forgot your name... with freddy one.. :P i miss TOPA.. i also forgot your name.. i miss the guitar that staff would let us use occasionally...

Staff Jahsh is awesome. He helped me through so many shit.. shared with me his army and rock music experience like some lao jiao... hahahaha love that guy man...Nic is really helpful. All that conduct of events together... wow... AHM anyone? Actually he has done most of the training himself.. hahahhaah thank you so much for all the prep for it...

Fitness

I miss msg Artisan, for his shouldering of a shit for me and then kenna F-ed by some unreasonable superior. I REALLY appreicate it a lot. That was like so many months ago but still you made it good for me...

I miss All you coyline people.. so many of you.. For your friendship and companionship thru those so many events. Though I'm like so hidden away in my office, but still you all accepted me as your fellow comrade in arms.. I miss going down to apache coy, c coy, k coy, g coy to spend those idilic moments... i miss the bball game with training branch... i miss doing calafare when playing soccer with the coylines.. i miss the SOC ground next to k coy.. i miss all of you entertained me in my childishness... playing silly games... i miss eric for the hide and seek.. i miss all my clerks.. my men that i take pride in... i miss giam, alvin, luqman, arun, shuan, musa... i miss the specs from everywhere... although i dunno most of your names.. i thank you all for your friendship... i miss my CSMs... esp Jahsh , msg Koay, Faizul, Ong... these friendly people.. i miss all my PCs... you are not just all about SDO candidates to me.. you are my friends... irregardless of which cohort we belong to... you guys rock my world... i also miss the warrent officers.. being from a warrent coy when i was a rec, i've got this deep and immerse respect for the warrent corp... esp Razali and Vennu.. You guys show me that warrent officers are people with hearts to love and to guide and to lead.. esp Vennu for your orange juice u offered me when i kenna big time from our infamous u know who... i was almost breaking down.. but you held me up there and then.. i miss i miss the OCs, i miss so many of you guys... i miss my ex PC, Lta Damien.. i miss Lta Sam,i miss the OOs... their exp is unbelievable...

Can you believe it, i'm only like halfway thru.... in short.. i miss a lot of you guys.. even doc pillai, the medics, so many people~! wad have i been doing???? socialising n not working????????

i going nuts with this miss u speech.. :P

I MISS BMTC 1!

okie.. i've better be going off now for my band performance... i'm LTA(ns) Li as well as Bassist Bob.. a mini mini start to bigger n bigger shows down the road...

i'm here.

Weijian

OrD personnel...

i just went back camp for my ORD function cum promotion cert presentation. Lovely time i've had there. Interacted with several of my campmates, closely attached to many of them, i had many mini gatherings of sort. Before we knew it, it's the cert and plaque presentation time.

Names upon names were called, the recipients went onstage coupled with cheers from their respective supporters.

Then i pondered.

Shucks man.. beeni n HQ so long, dun even have a company of my own. My OC is every's 2IC and he's not the most ideal person you would turn to for anything.. who's gonna clap for me?

Then i saw the other folks from HQ, hey.. it aint so bad.. maybe i've got my fair share of supporters.

the name list went on and on.. the emcee rattled off constantly, but with no mention of my name. Hmm.. Just as curious as i was, many of my peers asked me.. "Eh, never call your name yet ah?" Maybe i'm not promoted? Not going to get any appreciation for my ORD?

Finally the emcee said, "last but not least, LTA Li Weijian!"

The crowd roared.

Some of the other company OCs gave overhead applauses.. The other folks were chanting Dy, Dy, Dy.. stunned... suddenly i felt like a superstar winning the Best Actor award.. wow.. the people love me eh?

On stage, my CO said, "You think we are not going to call your name rite?" hahha.. how true..

How time flies..

I'm gonna miss you guys~

ORD in progress.. 8 days an counting..

Loved
LTA Li

Ah... i smell civilization in the making.

Am pretty busy with my own stuffs these few daes. Designing, drawing, playing my bass, tutoring my gal, exercising, meeting up friends, kaypohing at *scape, etc etc. Kinda nice i muz admit. Relaxing, doing what i always wanted.. then reality struck.

"Your gold mine has collapsed."

Yes, i just drew my last allowance from the lovely SAF. After contributing more than 2 yrs of my life to it's service. Kinda sad though, but then again.. i slogged from morning till nite, only to draw a measery $1020 a month. Life must go on, i cant keep working like a cow and earning like a mouse. Change is imminent, progress is complusory. I MUST move on.

Been working on my portfolio these days and also just submited my resume online. It's quite exciting to receive so many phone calls asking if i'm interested in this job, in that job.. but hey, i cant start just yet my dear HR recruiters.. i have yet to ORD... after that i'll be flying n then preparing a major gathering for my pri sch frens!

Work.. can wait.. for now.

Also been bumping into old frens these days. Crashed into former Tekong colleagues, my poly classmate and poly juniors.. It's great to know that there is life outside of the army. People are still getting employed and SG male dun have to rely on the army for their economic survival. Lovely, the epitome of civilization.

Alrite i gotta hit the sack. Care bear's cloud ride is gonna get clamped by Zhou Gong, poor furry friend of mine is waiting for me to join him in lalaland.

CCC

Bob

My army days are numbered. The day I once yearned for suddenly seems a little undesirable. My subconcious nature is interceding with God, to slow the tides to a crawl, so that I can appreciate more of what I once shunned, unfortunately such intervention proves futile.

My heart is running the mile again, just like the good ol days before departing from one institute to another. Those wasted tears for uncherished years, seems a little oxymoronic. Life is indeed a paradox. Oh how I wish I can manipulate it to my advantage, command and control at my fancy.

Just like what Chris Martin of Coldplay sings in their evergreen single, "the Scientist"

Nobody said it was easy, Oh It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

My former days were tough, but it's indeed a shame for me to just leave this place. Perhaps, it would be better if i'm brought back to the beginning of it all..

Soldier Bob.

PS: Guess what? This blog contains entries from the time i started serving the nation till i turn operational. Wow! A timeline of some sort. My memories digitized, saved and archived for future reference. Love you Mr Blog!

i twitched the settings
fine tuned the codes
i connect the switches
powered up my soul

i polished my body
pridefully adorned
liked unto an armor
victorious from battles

then i realised
I lacked a heart
i dunno how it feels
to sense your heart

so strip me of the pride
strapped to the belt
send me to the furnace
so that i can learn to melt

a heart like yours..

i love my carrot stewed :)

Birthdays after birthdays.. they never seem to end eh? hehheeh.. but it's good, coz they're reminders that these wonderful people were added to the earth's population and have impacted my life in a great way..

Today's my gal's mom's birthday, the 19th is my dear's birthday, 13th is my dad's birthday.. these people are people i love and have contributed to my being and development over the year/s.

i was going thru some of my old stuffs, and i'm pretty surprised at how God has made woman to be. They are very detailed beings. They notice the little things in life, things that we guys often brush aside as irrelevant or not practical. Upon reflection, only then did i realise to what extend or impact they signify..

So to all guys out there, please take some time out. Observe the gals ard you. You'll never know what those mini favours, little notes, passing remarks meant; unless you stop to appreciate. Who knows, a bigger plot unfolds...

To steal your heart.

Just like how mine was stolen..

Loving my gal to bits in my carrot stew!

Yummy~!
Bob

Heyhey~!

I just found something I wrote 2 years ago in a Yahoo group of mine.. kinda like it.. so here goes~!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Staring down what i adorned
I kissed my youth goodbye
Casting away the robes long worn
Of laughters rang and many sighs

Caress the threads that remained
over my arms in silken flow
depart they must, as ordained
restraining none my hands to hold

Thrusted with fine linen to dress
Innocence sneaked a lingering grin
swiftly wore these Sunday bests
To step on my stage, for a new life begins

Weijian 19/4/03

The testimonials say it all...

I'm not trying to be complacent here. riding upon the praises of others that I make a superb boyfriend. Rather I'm making a reflection of the things I've done and contributed to making this relationship evergreen.

There has to be commitment from all, to ensure that their relationship grows. But as we give, we must also know when to let down and to hold back so that we can build ourselves up again as we prepare ourselves for the next round of commitment. I'm not talking about cooling off time or what, rather it's the focusing of our attention on things that would further develop ourselves as a person, and in the long run, contribute better to the relationship.

I wanna be the spiritual leader that my gal can lean on for support and advice, I wanna be that designer that can support for my family's needs and wants, I wanna be that bassist that my gal can gush and swoon over n over, I wanna train up and keep fit so that I'll look good wif my gal, I wanna be so much and more.. But alas, time does not come in abundance for such ordained activities.

all these are only possible if I set time aside to achieve them. So my dear gal, when i'm not there, when I seem a lil resistant. Pls dun interpret it as I'm trying to shun away from you. Rather i need to develop myself to be a better person you and for all around me.. I dont wanna be remembered as a person who only gives his all to his gal and then is left with nothing achieved at the end of the day. Then we gotta think, will the gal still want him? Will he still have that self-esteem he once had?

I've seen guys(and gals) going into relationships, giving their all, and then going different ways but having achieve nought. what's left for the guy or gal who loses out? Nothing.

So as we grow in our relationship, let us too grow in our personal development. It would build a better self-image for us and also makes me feel more deserving of you. :)

I need to know my worth as I walk with you.

Bob

I wonder...

What does it take to the the perfect boyfriend?

Someone who is totally dedicated to the decreed whimes and fancies of Her Highness? Forsaking much, to follow the girl whom Cupid pierced, our hearts with one shot? When there are so many on the balance, how then does one decide what to let go and hold not?

Many a times, I would be tormented with difficult decisions to make. Decisions that would somehow wreck the day of someone.. I want to accede to all, but alas, I am but human.. omni-present; I'm not..

today my gal got superbly pissed off with me, coz i made an empty promise to her. I wanted to meet her today, don't wanna disappoint her, that's why I gave her my word. But now, I'm like torn.. woke up really late, can't meet her. Contemplating to find her after her school, but it would deny my dad the chance to have dinner with me. Already he commented that I didnt like home, always on the run.. that hurts..

What about after dinner? My band wanna jam. It's been a long long while since we jammed.. even if i dont jam and then meet her, it'll be so late by the time i reached home and I gotta go back camp tomorrow morning..

To make things worst, I'm flawed. I don't really talk about things-gone-wrong. This in itself, has presented as an obstacle for every conversations; arguements included.

After much verbal tussle, calling on airstrikes, n rounds of armour-piercing missiles, we finally ended it with an atomic bomb of... Love.

Awwwww....

Love covers all.. That's the amazing part of it..

That's rite.. still loving my dear as much.. but this time round, cherishing her a lil more than before.

Bob

Wow, awesome nite.

Was out at the airport sending off a fellow platoon mate of mine, Alvin, who is going over to Cambridge*gaspx* to further his studies.

Yes. Cambridge.

*more gasping and an overwhelmed lady collapses*

He's on a scholarship and will be doing his Masters at US, totally FOC. The emphasis here is more of the "will be". Masters is the understatement, Doctorate? Perhaps...

*paramedic collapses upon the fallen lady*

In today's society of paper chase, or rather Singapore's context, perhaps he has attained the quintessence of success. He is not all that good looking, can't find hordes of gals/fans swarming him down, neither did he wave wades of $1000 bills as we bid farwell. But still he has achieved something that we can only dream of, a scholarship to the most prestigious College in the world!

Now is this what we quantify success as? Think again. To each his own, I can't enforce mine on you, but I may try to leave an introspect for you to ponder upon.

To some it may be wealth; some, health; others, longivity, or even, enlightenment. But success to me is...

Salvation and Happiness.

Why salvation? Because of my faith and belief.

Happiness? Needless to say. To have all material and grieve, is worst then to have not and rejoice. It's like being a billionaire who's disfigured, handicapped, friendless, Aids carrier, etc etc.. you've gotta try to think along that line, to really understand that statement.

Ok, i'm going off-track.

Alrite, so wad so awesome about tonight? Well, after sending off our dear friend, we gathered at Wala wala for a chilling out session. (i had lemon tea btw) The crowd was good, gals flanked our sides, company was great, but best of all, we had an awsome live band performance for our sensory pleasures. Sharlin n band was in the house, playing some really crowd-stirring music.

Here's a shot..





Sharlin in action! Cool lighting eh? pity i couldnt play much with the shutter speed n exposure stuff..



Place aint really sleazy, but still the folks around r like puffing their lives away.. anyway, that didnt dampen my nite.. great fun nonetheless..

What was disturbing was that the gals who flanked us were butches and les.. I'm not against them, but just kinda disappointed why did those pretty gals choose semi-guys over hunks like us?? n why did they choose to convert?? perhaps in my chauvinistic mindset, i'm never gonna realise that fact of life..

Oh well.. tat pretty much sums up my adventure for the nite. :P

Cheers
Bob

Race Day

Line up of the nite, Celica, Toyota Corolla n Nissan Sunny!

It starts off with a race between the Toyota n Nissan off Mac Reserve.. Nissan exhibits excellent pickup and is running at it's prime with Toyota tailing behind. Oh no, the traffic juntion ahead proves a little complicated for our "triangulated" driver, thus losing the lead and reaches the next check point, 3rd in position, along with a new comer, Celica, at the frontline.

Light turns Red, Amber, Green! What horsepower! Celica must be running 60-70km/hr at it's first gear! Toyota takes no chances, following closely behind. Nissan trailing not too far, maintaining pace. They are running at 3rd lane in a row, Celica throws out a right signal, Toyota follows suit. Wasting no chances, Nissan changes over along side. All 3 cars are waiting for a lead, until Nissan throws a right signal and jumps onto the 1st lane, takes the lead, and the other 2 follows suit. This has become a close chase, Celica coming dangereously close to Nissan's boot, tailgating has never soar such heights! Nissan, maintaining his cool, led the pack all the way down to Outram. A chance arose for the rear folks, after pacing themselves in Nissan's backdraft, they switched lane in an open competition and full throttled ahead! What a spectacular sight! Toyota showing a lot of substance! Believe it must be running at least a 2.0l! Toyota overtakes Celica and reaches the final check point. In lead, Toyota, followed by Nissan than Celica. Nissan's driver takes a peek at the "man" behind the wheels. Oh what disappointment! A geeky lady?!?! Wasted no time, Nissan lapped up the finishing move, coming in first, Toyota then Celica.. of course, with the ingeniuity of manipulating huge n clumsy vehicles to stall the competition. Applause!

Definitely an awesome race nite! Like any other day, the champion downs a mug of ice cold soya bean as a reward for being the best!

All hail the Nissan!

Bob

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Basic....
Marching in is the recruits from....
May I present to you from BMTC the Traaaaaaaaaaained Soldiers!

The recruits leaping in jubilee, thrusting their jockey caps into the air..
The parents gave an outpour of applause, beaming with pride at their conditioned boys...

Yes.. boys they were.. soldiers they've been trained to be..

As the section commanders received heartfelt gratitude from their outgoing recruits, there I just stood at the control room... eyeing will a tinge of jealousy.. then i remembered a recruit of mine.. one i brought out of db and into one of the companys. I left the room, scouted the ground for him.. there I found him.. my recruit..

"This is my recruit, there are many like him, but this one is mine"

Finally.. my last parade.. something that I once longed for... but somehow or rather.. i felt kinda lost. Didnt know whether to be happy or sad.. my joy was mixed with confusion.. perhaps there was a dash of grief.. Then i grabbed the mic from the emcee and stole his lines... finally.. i could do something i've always tasked someone else to do... oh wad joy seep into this heart oh mine..

I recall the parting words of my clerks... and specs.. so many of them... expressing their lost when i'm gone... explicit as it may be... it touched my heart in a gentle way.. perhaps.. it's heartwarming to see trained commanders and soldiers casting aside their man-ness to reveal their humane side for me.. Some stole hugs from me.. some tried to get last min favours.. some expressed their lost when i'm gone... Some, made me feel like staying a little longer.. Alas..

Tomorrow i'll be seeing my ang mo pc fren.. a superb guy i've worked with in tekong.. for his farewell dinner and then seeing him off on Fri... wow... how time flies eh? People going on to their next phase of life. Like me, I've got my next phase waiting behind that door.. guess I gotta take that step one day.. but suddenly i dont want it to be so soon...

Dear blog.. tell me.. life is bittersweet.. aint it?

Regards
Bob

My last recruit's evening..

Oh what sound beckons..
The drawing of old memories from their yonder years
The joy, the cheers, the laughters, the jeers..
How they echo out my younger years

Oh what sound beckons..
The command and control over the lower ranks
Not by my bar, but by my heart
I led the sergeants, the recruits and the men...

Oh what sound beckons..
When rallied voices joined in one accord
my words then their replies
Oh how i love to lead the lot..

Oh what sound beckons..
The joyful shouts and pride exclaimed
The winners, the losers, the neutrals left
Only but the empty chairs remained

Oh what sound beckons..
My younger years, my youngers years..
Oh how i miss the army songs
the words we sang, soldiers together..

Oh what sound beckons..
The echos down the fading days
My days are numbered in passing scores
tumbling out in rolling waves.

Bob

Interview with a photographer.

What a life he leads. Camera in hand, he crosses boundaries and space to get the shots he disires. Around the world he tracks, a truckload of stories he packs home.

Kinda reminded myself of what I wanted to do...

Pack my drawing board, camera, guitar and ipod.. I wanna track the globe in search of a sight worthy to be captured in my lens.. The faces of life. The candid shots.. the impromptu moments.. the past that I want frozen in a timeless dimension.

Bob

I'm not a particular fan of Superstar.. never really followed the show.. but i just happened to get a peek at my home telly, and saw the hottie Junyang, losing to the visually impaired.

The fans erupted.

The sister beseeched us not to focus on what he lacks, but what he has been gifted with.

I tot Junyang would win.. but boy was i shocked.. and mildly surprised.

Am glad that the partially blind guy won..

Really..

I want the world to know that the lesser of people are able to make their mark in this world.. i wanna know that the world is not all about looks, material stuffs, image, fame and glamour..

I was not really attractive.. introvert.. very much imperfected... but God is good. I changed a lot eversince i came to Christ.. outwardly.. and inwardly.. i am where i am becoz of God. But as much as I've changed, i will never forget my past.. and i know what the less desirable people feels.. Their insecurity.. their lack of self-esteem and worth..

Everyone thinks i rather the blind win is coz my ex felt he is very handsome.. but hey.. that's the past.. n it's so childish to harbour any hurt towards him.. n i really dun mind what has happened..

Oh well.. hope my gal aint angry reading this.. yes.. this is one thing i'm not secure with..

Cheers

Bob

Dritfting down memory lane..
glancing at those former daily affairs
Never did they seemed the same
a lil more, i wish, i've cared

The places i once lived
Void decks i used to run
alongside the canal beneath
with all my childhood fun

Sadly, the rustic feel has left
Old structures overrun by new
only their memories i have
So strong a lost i feel

Granny was a very strong woman
guilding this lil boy, lil me
I would try to lessen her burden
As she transacted effortlessly

Yes, I was that granny's lil boy
As everyone knew me by
By her side I've toiled
Because I love her ceaselessly

Now everyone seemed a lil older
along with this lil boy
But i'm boy no more
Their memories i'm not found

Saddened..
I missed them all.. so much... so much..

I wished I could speak Hokkien.. I wished I could tell them.. look at me! I've grown up! and I remember you! Please say you remember me too..

When i bought a sweet from them recently... it was not so much i wanted a sweet.. rather i wanted to stand where i used to buy my candies as my granny would pay for them.. the stall owners will always play with me.. yes.. i fondly remember...
so i stole glances at her wrinkled face.. white strains of hair streaking across her head.. her fashion sense never really changed.. i miss how she would call my name so fondly...

i'm a big boy now... look at me..

Ah Jian...

There are 3 dimensions are in constant interaction, namely; Past, Present and Future.

This is my interpretation of their co-relationship.

Future: Planning phase
Present: Execution phase
Past: After action review

Future:
It is very much like any industrial/commercial workflow. The organisation would gather a team of people to identify the problem and then brainstorm for a solution. Experience sharing and trial testing are extremely useful if it's an initial attempt at that concept.

Present:
The execution of the well-thought out plan. The trials and testings are based upon simulated environment. but life's uncertainty is a definite constant, therefore contingency plans and reaction force on the ground are what I would call part of the conceived plan.

Past:
When all's over, the team re-orgs for a debrief. Lessons learnt and pointers picked up are the key highlights of this phase. The informations are consolidated and then implemented and considered for the next project.


Now, that's the end of the intro.

I'm not some business solution speaker. Those that i've mentioned are based upon what I have learnt over the years.

Rather i'm ever so intrigued by the turning of tides.. the passing of time and it's fleeting moments long gone. It doesnt even mater if it's gone for a short while. Once time has passed, it's gone forever.

When i was young, I'm always that lil boy you see down the streets. Whining when things dont go my way, crying when i'm at my wits ends and smiling at anything that might bring some prospect to my childish desires.

Young I was.. and young i tot i'll always be. Time just crept by, slowly but sure. Yes, I was mildly aware of it's movement. But i never did bother to give it a hoot or 2, coz it's progress was negligible. And so I was deceived until recently....

I had a primary sch reunion.. The people looked kinda the same. Maybe coz we meet every year or so. Therefore we are constantly undated of everyone's evolution over time. The an unfamiliar face took seat next to me. Puzzled, i just brushed him off as a 2nd-tier fren of one of my friends, of whom i wasnt very interested in. Until someone posed the qn to me... "ni zhi dao ta shi shui ma?"(You know who is he a not?) Curiosity arose, i replied cautiously.. who?

"Jinquan."

Immediately my brain went into full steam ahead. The clanging of gears, grinding of chain rings and hypertreading of information. I raced back in time and found this kid whom i saw crying over Science PSLE, playing basketball, and looking every scrawny and small.

Freak... He IS MY LONG LOST FREN!

Yes. The classic example of the full blown effect of accumulated lost time. a good 10 years have passed. A living speciment.. speechless for a brief moment... before i unleashed waves after waves of questions. Unable to contain my excitement.. i simply blabber off as much as i could. Rendering him as speechless as I was when i first had the revelation.

Yes.. time has played a prank on me.. i turned around to reprimand time.. but time was never found the same again. Time took on a different facade everytime i seek it. Still remembering how I begged God to record down my Comissioning Parade prior to our entry. The cheers, the band, the pride... so much i have given just for that day.. and now that day is almost a year ago..

I wished for time to stand still.. So that i can appreciate what I have now.. to fully enjoy it seems so hard.. yet time ever not forgiving.. just stepped on and on...

Oh well.. time.. take some time to sit by my side.. let me grasp your hand.. and stare into your eyes.. to see the mysteries you hide..

Oh well...

I'll be oldified before i realise... perhaps I could catch the comms parade video recording God has prepared for me..

love...

Bob

The significant other..

Many seek for one. When found, their passion for each other thrive on the initial novelty of this newfound relationship. Through the passage of time, flames fan out, desires die down. Then flaws becomes more obvious, minor disputes sneak in.. slowly but surely, they morph into something hideous.. something of enormous proportion.. smashing everything in sight, including their relationship. Relationship then takes a break, a vacation, and finally a migration and never to return.

I am seeing relationships falling aparts like some cherry blossom season, petals coming apart everywhere. It is disheartening, definitely. But then again, why did it come to such a state? I can only conclude that either of the party didnt want to go thru that extra mile they once vowed to give endlessly.

But definitely something good has to come out of it.. If not at least a lesson learnt. Well, definitely the greatest takeaway for me is the knowledge of my dearest's love for me. It's so great, so compromising, even when it's so hard to give, she gave.

Definitely there'll be times when flavours stale, but i'll make an effort to relive everyday like we
just got attached. Those precious moments breathe new life into the relationship n strengthens the existing bond.

So I hoped I've packed a takeaway for all you readers(if any) to ponder upon.

What is a man without his other half? A half man?? Nope, just an incomplete man..
Cherish your significant other.

Cheers
Bob

House moving tips:

Never leave home without your cuddles.

Dear Mr Blog,

how have you been?

It's been a while since i last dropped by, leaving any word for keepsake.

Well, i sure do have an amazing week since i enlisted.. gained some kinda experience, but not the kind the army is promoting.

It was in the news, the lost of a serviceman..

Well so here's the breakdown of lost:

1. lost of ink to newspapers
2. lost of screen time to television stations
3. lost of sleep/weekend for duty personnels
4. lost of a friend to a commando
5. lost of a bunk mate to three
6. lost of a son to two
7. lost of a brother to one

Yes, to many, he is just a statistic, a figure in the news, yet many never fathom what this meant to a selected few.. Those who are committed to spend their whole lifetime together with him. The stammering words, the struggle to fight the tears, the pride of being the man for many.. the brother cant break down, less the rest will.

I too fought the tears that came. I thought to myself, who am I to him? Am i not a distant superior that send down indirect arrows upon him, like many others? Am I not a peer waiting to serve finish my due and then resume my civilian life? Am I not one of them that saw the chopper coming down to bring him to where he'll be pronounced dead?

Then it dawned upon me, I'm human too.

Who can afford to stand in the viewing gallery of the crematorium and yet not feel a twitch on his heartstring when the dearests sobbed uncontrollably as the serviceman was rolled towards the furnace?

Oh well... maybe it's the memories tagged along with this oh so familiar scene. maybe it's because I too shared a eulogy on my late bro... maybe i understand his lost.. the desire to end the boyish fights, and to finally shared our long overdue brotherly love for each other... when age finally catch up, and the coming of senses... when i wanna fight for my bro as he fought for me when i was yet weak... i would give everything for his ressurrection...

Life and it's delicate balance. You'll never know how fragile it is till something's broken...

Please cherish life, it's a gift, a privilege, not an entitlement.


For a friend, this once.
And so the firers aimed skywards
a final shot, another and another
please hear their efforts in heaven

for a friend, this once
A commando hides not his grief
tears, not blood was shed
for someone who deserves this and more

for a friend, this once
platoonmates rallied in arms
a most unnatural reunion
a cause never to be repeated

for a friend, this once
they casavaced him one last time
every step they struggled
never they want to send their friend away in a coffin

for a friend, this once
and only once they plea

weijian
050705

Life's an irony. Packed in a box, label pandora's, lost in a shift of paradigm and never found next to me.

Knock knock~!

What's up? Why am i walking with chains? Why am i almost screaming at my love?

I wish I can say sorry..

probably do a double flip and then a round heel kick into myself.. hmm.. guess where it'll land?

That's rite.. my butt.

Stoop~!! id...

I wish i can make things better for my dear. but i tink i've just made things worst.

Oh well... and so the song of grief plays. never for anyone.. less the hurt chews into your heart.

love my dear

a lot a lot

Bob

Sometimes..

I ponder...

When God came down to dwell in our midst, he knew of his heavenly heritage. what about the angels? Do they have any irkling of their roots upon manifestation in mortal being?

I sure hope not.

Why?

Coz i wanna believe that I maybe.. somehow.. distantly.. faintly..

am an angel~! Descended from above to dwell among our Lord's creation.

*Distant sound of chaos in Providence, as heavenly hosts activated contingency plan to find means and ways to conceal one of heaven's top secrets exposed by their fellow halo-ed folks. *

Since young i wanted to be a social worker.. loved animals.. SPCA membership.. I wanted to help people.. to give what I have and attempt for those I have not.. feel that I am gentle and meek by nature.. but trained in army to kill and defend what I protect. Command and control not by rank or structure, but by respect and friendship.

I love to be good, to do nice things, alas, oh Lord, let me not die in this dog eat dog world, rat race society.. sure do feel like a lamb sent to the lions' pit.

kk.. enough said.. gotta prep for cell guitaring soon~! :)

bubbye~!


Now now.. where did i chuck my halo?


Yeah~!

Bob

Yesterday i booked out. Took the fastcraft with one of my clerks. Shared a few moments together. Suddenly we touched upon our ORD date. Ah.. what a lovely tune to my ear. Unfortunately it was disaster for him. Oh how he lamented, sneaked joy into my heart. With every sentence, my grin stretched a little wider.

"It is the lost of every coyline clerks!" he laments, my heart skipped.
"You are a very good Dy to us.., Osman told me that in his 3 years plus in camp, he has never seen a friendlier Dy!" Oh.. my heart just sank it's feets into cloud 9.

"Aiyah... " and so he sighs.


"Ding dong.." please fasten your seat belts. Thank you for travelling with Cloud 9.

And so my heart fluttered to a place flowing with milk and honey...


Like what I have told many of my clerks. I have no men to my name, no section commander to support nor PS to assist. But I only have my clerks as my men. They are the ones who fight my kind of battle. The admin kind. They may not necessary be the fittest, nor the most garang. But definitely they are my men. Whatever their size, height, education or fitness, I take pride in leading them and being their head.

I have not been called to Officerhood for nuts, leave that for the monkeys. I came to make an impact on my guys, my men.

i will not step down till I have made a difference to them.

Coz,

i am your Dy.

Heads up guys. Dy is here to stay.

Cheers
Dy

Bob

i've rediscovered my purpose for life! or rather review my plans again and putting them into action. :)

ahhh... fresh air... once again. :)

Bob

By special request of my dear.. I'm writing in again~! :P

I wonder why life is sometimes so unfair.

Before you jump to any conclusion, one that birth forth out of my own selfish desires and dissatisfactory with life. Please allow me to speak.

Who remembers the frail-looking indian lady selling tissue at Heeren's junction, the old lady at Centrepoint, the blind man on the road between Scotts and Marriot, and of course our blind man in the underpass? Well I do. More than that, I feel a sense of injustice towards them..

What manner of sin have they commit that they are in such states? Why must they suffer? when I see the rich, spoilt and good looking brats whining over missed sales or making sacastic remarks at others, I wonder why. Don't they know their weekly allowance is others monthly wages? What if these are the sole breadwinner in their families??

I pondered often.

Could God have made a mistake?

Many a day I wondered. But I do not doubt my Lord's works..

Already I have an answer for myself. But I sure do wish that the rich can do more for the poor.

Okidoki~

Cheers

Dear Blog,

Finally I'm writing in again. What a long while has passed since I last came to you..

Spring came, bundles of joy it brought
Summer followed, blooming forth
But Autumn snipped away the yellowed thoughts
sending my peace flying north

So it flew
To my yesterday

I opened my eyes and saw a kalaidescope
Formed by stars in the sky
shining, shimmering with a dash of hope
Then I saw a teardrop fly

So it flew
To my yesterday

I searched my pockets, scanned through my seams
In hope of finding my peace
I'm broken, I'm hurt, I'm broke, eating dirt
Dear God, can you spare me some peace?

With net in hands, and a clumsy cage
i lured peace with my broken heart
An effective bait, as promised by God
Let's wait, and my peace will come

So it flew
To my broken cage

weijian li
270305

i just read a story about shmily.. so touching.. so nice... u guys shd look it thru too~

a poem. rather wierd one though..

music man wrecks
bashing and slamming self in a corner
songs, dont defect
lest your voice gets choked by a noose

your sorry state
is but a self-destructorian succeed
you sealed your fate
when he fails to breathe, when help dont intercede

cry all you want
you are nothing but a thought, a squished dream
sing all you want
to the stone cold grey blocks with your facade imprint

weijian li
310105

the home's empty, the lawn's overgrown
pictures scrawnd across the peeling wall
Old, frayed, cold, right down to the bones
lies my mind, a slouched ragged doll

Mary used to adore me at tea
out on that sunny lawn
seated with us is mr teddy
a bright yellow bell he dons

Oh how far art those days
Mary grew up and chuckd us aside
she chased idols and fashion craze
while we laid prey to rats n mites

The days of old passed us by
Mary moved on, but not with us
teddy sobbed, while i tried not to cry
watching her board that fateful bus

Mary mary, where art you now
can you hear your first loves tear
like a broken dam, gushing down
every drop hoped to bring you near

mr teddy had a terrible day
He lost his legs to rodents
head got gnawed away by a stray
before being condemned to a furnace.

There I was, carelessly sprawled
through the days and nights, tears and fright
how i missed my name on Mary's call
those lovely nights, those lovely nights

i just longed for those happiles
Mary my left, teddy my right
chatting over a cuppa tea
how we spent those lovely nights

Mary, teddy, where are you?
Mary, teddy, one's in heaven, the other's in hell
Don't forget to share our brew
mixed with tears, tea leaves and a yellow bell

weijian li
030105