A grateful heart

As I sit in my study yard overlooking Vivo city. I thought to myself, what a lot of things to thank God for. The wife who is perfect for me, the amazing parents who stood by me selflessly, the wondrous apartment He blessed us with, the growing business, and the amazing people who were planted around to help bring my business to another level. Then I thought to myself, I want to do more than just grow my business and family, I want to touch lives with my photography works. I want to kickoff a CSR plan next year, as well as a social enterprise biz model by 2014. Life can only get better, and I thank God for it all. I am glad I took that step of faith to leave the bank in pursuit of photography. I miss the team back there, but I am truly excited for the journey ahead.

Thank God for the wondrous journey. :)

2 years on..

How time flew by. It was about 2 years ago that I last blogged, but then again, that was written in exasperation of how blogspot killed my theme and removed my wondrous soundtrack of jason mraz looping in the background. So 3 years to be accurate. 3 fabulous years of blog silence.

So what got me back? Really it was this blog post by twitpic's CTO Steve on writing. Writing encapsulate memories. Stories we want to remember so dearly. Tales we wished we had then recorded for our children, our children's children. Then someday, I want to tell the ones I love of how they touched me and made me who I am today, right down to my deathbed.

So what happened in the last 3 years? 2009 was the year I went to moscow for the first time (perhaps the last) with my creative agency. Then 2010, I left that place to where I thought I should be. The financial world, realized in the form of job in DBS in the head marketing team. Fabulous team they have. Everyone is so talented, motivated and greatly driven for great heights. They were like titans, colleagues of a different league. I learnt so much from them. Couldn't be more thankful for the enriching experience and wonderful friendship forged. Of coz, within a few weeks of joining the bank, i made the biggest decision of my life. To marry my wife. We had a lovely wedding. Matrimony held at acm, where my army and sec sch buddies (officers) banded together to be my sword bearers. Yes a military wedding no less, coordinated by the highly respected regimental sergeant major of my life, Raymond. After that we had the dinner at marriot hotel. I love my emcees of both days, the brothers, the people who helped made it all possible, family, relatives and dear friends. And above all, Zarah for choosing me, and standing by me through thick and thin, to help me fulfill my dreams.

By end 2011 I felt that I had enough of the corporate financial world. I was contemplating on the meaning of life. Is chasing the bill all I ever wanted? Using the best years of my life to acquire wealth at the expense of my health, my time, my family and my dreams? Do I want to spend my dying years regretting and pondering on the what-ifs? So I tendered to pursue my creative dream. In between we had our honeymoon in NYC. Oh the glamourous life we dream of.

So at the beginning of 2012, i started my day job shooting jewelry and managing websites. Other than some differences, the experience has been a really pleasant one. On top of that, i partnered 2 other fellas to start a talent management / modeling company. And I started a photography and design studio, the very reason why I left the corporate for. To pursue creativity and photography. So far so good, I look forward to more opportunities to share praise reports. :)

I look forward to what 2013 has in store. And I strongly believe it will be my best year yet.

That's all for now, I will be back to recover my blogging ghost.

love you all
Bob

Well done blogspot, you are really kicking me out.

perhaps i should stop my foolish ways. stick thru with blogspot's transformation and us their shitty templates. Wanna go? i don't think so. coz i've got years of blogs here!

then again. that was the last straw, i believe.

by refusing me the option to revert to the old design, you have inevitably kicked me out of my sanctuary, my secret place of comfort and memories.

Well done bloghead.

waking up to drops of jupiter upon my head

i know i should be working now.

But i heard a song of old, one that reminded me of times i've yearned for, something that lingers where no one traces nor fathomed. It was frozen in time, but never lost.

Play on. Let your melodious tracks run upon my heart, through my head, and let my fingers bring out the best of it.

Let's do it once more. It will be good.

Bob

Blog dear blog

it has been quite a while since i last dropped by. To be exact, it is 5 months and 2 days. Why the hiatus? I don't know. Maybe it's facebook, maybe it's twitter, maybe it is because I am swarmed and overwhelmed in this digital social mayhem that i forgot how i used to blog so diligently..

Recently I have just installed wordpress locally on my laptop. Pretty nifty, everything was a breeze and before i knew it, WP is up and running. The WP's blog inclination over blogspot is perhaps it's popularity in the Web designer's arsenal of choice. The amount of online tutorial, the galleries of WP-based websites, the ever flourishing population.. Not to mention the neat little iphone app. Wordpress, is perhaps, the way to go.

So why am i blogging still in this almost forsaken blog?

I guess some things can never be replaced. The kind of information that this place holds. My outlet when I am at my wit's ends, colliding into the mental block, therapeutic moments of text-uating thoughts. It bore the brunt of my pent up frustrations and emotions. Where else can boast a database of my entire active army days?

Then there is the soothing voice of J.mraz. It makes me feel good. i have refreshed my blogspot several times, lulling myself to the melodious drone. i can't seem to get enough of that accoustic set. maybe there was this subdued chanting that traps me mentally, making me a slave to self.

i love this place, and i wish i will never have to stop blogging here. But alas, life sure do know how to tease me silly when i least expect it.

Oh well, sweet good night to everyone in the earth's shadow..

Lovya all~

Cheers

Bob

live work love life overseas

i've got this secret desire, to be able to work on overseas projects for short stint like a few months at a go. to embrace the culture, to live my life to the fullest. to see the world and people i never knew. no, it does not need to be paris or japan, just somewhere different. 

i will jog in the morning, have my breakfast by the river, work through lunch, snack on chips overlooking the city, join my friends for a hearty dinner and end it with a beer at a local pub with live bands, and on alternate nights, i will run my bass for a local band. i will catch up with my beloved over phone/msn/webcam, pen my thoughts, play the guitar, say a prayer and head for bed. Over the weekend i will do sports and community activities in the morning, laze around on a beach somewhere, go around taking random shots, and finally complete the day with some arty farty parties / functions on sat nights. 

how nice, how far. 

how bob? 

just a little green, a little jaded

it's 1.50am and i can't bring myself to sleep. 

i can't bear the thought of laying down.. and watching the day pass me by. maybe.. just maybe, there is something that i could have done during these few mins before i doze off. But i don't know what. I can't decide.. i'm tired. maybe it's the flu. maybe coz i'm just expecting myself to fly when i'm just.. crawling. 

i guess i shdnt have joined today's gathering. all the bankers and finance freaks. it made me look.. different. 

i know. i just need to rant. i'm being emo here. but hey, emo drives me to certain creativity too. when oppressed, my conscious mind takes a back seat and the sub conscious takes over.. subjecting me to the consequences of the resulting course of actions. sometimes shitty, sometimes shittier. 

i shall not lay waste before the com any further..

goodnite. 

photoshoot supper gang

i got a dream, to photoshoot suppergang in a theme shoot. 

maybe something glam and glitzy, or even superheros. 

now, who wants to don the red undies outside? :)

Christmas, my love-hate affair

I spent a year waiting for this day. For the street lightups, for the tv programmes, for the church service, for the gift exchanges, for the many mini celebrations and for the things that i hold onto so dearly. 

It is closing, i hate to see it go, and i'm dreading the first of the next 365 days wait before Christmas comes again. 

Merry Christmas everyone, be happy, be thankful for everything you have. Coz i am.

Love 

Bob

i know.. you know..

"i can see sadness in your eyes.."

and you don't know how much that meant to me. to know that you know... and that you care..

i love you Zarah.

I hope i make you feel the same way too.

Flashback Bob

Okay, i'm back after such a long hiatus. So many things have taken place over these 2 months, man.. i don't even know how to begin~!

Erm, maybe i'll try a timeline approach:

31 Aug: i signed off my last post
1 Sept: Hand Op

Hand operations are never meant to be taken lightly. As it was my first visit to the operating theater, i had a lot of butterflies to squash, and also some myth that needs certain clarification:

The Gas. Nope, not the doc's fart. The one that they call the laughing gas.

Legends has it that when when you put on the mask, after counting to 10, you will fall into a mysterious state of unconsciousness. Yup. It had a rather spooked sensation when the nurse place it over my mouth and take deep breaths. But i guess my anticipation kinda screwed up the stipulated effect. I took SO many gasps of air in fear that I would be conscious when the doc sinks the blade into my hand. Eventually i broke the unconfortable silence.

"Doc, why am i still awake?"

i could almost hear a certain tinge of sarcasm when he told me soon. Oh, did i mention, i thought i saw a sledge hammer somewhere. i guess that's to be used when i've taken 100 breaths and yet still able to keep repeating the same question over a zillion times.

but i was never conscious enough to reach that centennial figure. phew.

3 long hours past in a flash.

I woke up to the drone of some weird machine next to me.. it was all so surreal. my hand has a new metallic implant and I'm about to embark on the next phase of my life. While i was in this state of bewilderment, the nurse came over and brought me milo n some biscuit, then she broke a rather amusing news in chinese to me. "did you know you kicked the doc while you were unconcious?"

WOW! Coolness la!

I must have had a rather physical dream man.

Of coz soon my beloved appeared as promised to stand by me. Awww.

Sept 21 - 24: Company trip to moscow.

Definitely an eye opener. :)

Oct 4th, 11th: Kun ying Wedding~!

My best friend's wedding~!! I gave of my dad's car and my brotherhood services. The entourage thingy was a test of our brotherhood. hahahahah. Really. Like I have said once, and I'll say it again, brotherhood forever~! We even went all the way to batu pahat for his msia side wedding. Really la.. enjoyed seeing all of us together again, like the good ole days. Hopefully we will all be so close even when we are all old and greying. nothing beats uncles' rock n roll. :)

Man.. i've got a SUPER HUGE BACKLOG PHOTOS TO CLEAR!!

:P

Oct 13 - 24th: Reservist (The Chronicles of Ah Boy)

going to reservist with a broken hand and an "excuse ict" medical slip from my specialist aint exactly the most happening thing. it was quite a dilemma as i struggled between 2 options. To downgrade permanently and potentially never have to serve again. OR to go thru this ict with my guys and forgo the downgrading opportunity.

It wasn't long before i knew what i wanted. I saw those familiar faces, their smiles and hearty greetings that i thrived on, in my training and active days. Just like the good ole days, donning the green, sweating out together, and sharing mindless jokes in the moonlight sky. The look in their eyes said it all. no, nothing gay here. Just the knowledge that I have a bunch of friends here in this camp, and that I want to go through the remaining few years together.

And no, not as an admin soldier, definitely.

So while my handicapped hand refused me combat or physical work, i still went thru the motion and basically did what they did to the best of my single handed ability, or just be around. idelic or not.

I guess i must have contributed substantially despite my non-combativeness, so much so that i got nominated as the plt's best officer~!! Woohoo!! That really left me in a shock. Seriously. I even blurted out at my pc if he was sure about choosing someone who missed a lot of physically stuffs. His affirmation said it all.

Thank God for the favour. hahahah :) Really.

No prizes though, just regonition. And i'm really glad. But definitely, i am surrounded by very deserving individuals who are excellent officers and contributed in their various areas of expertise.

:D

Then there was the game during happy hour, in which i was sabo-ed to join. Though i was arrowed in, but i enjoyed it thoroughly, coz all of my team mates are my former cohort mates! these faces i saw for almost all my ns days, are here with me in reservist, in the same game. Without a doubt, our camaraderie led us to a flawless victory. It was so interesting as to how we would strip everything, sans the undies n shorts, to form the longest line in the shortest time. When Firdaus laid out his cigerettes one by one, i knew i can only find such folly in the company of close friends.

Eventually we won, and got ourselves a thumbdrive each. :)

We were so foolish, but so happy. :)

let end off with something i wrote on the day when we out-pro-ed.

So there it was
two weeks of training past me by
like the rain,
the rushing wind,
then the rainbow in the sky

Still remember
Every moment in the countryside
the shining stars,
and fireflies,
made us children in the silent night

So it shall be
When we go on our seperate ways
your hearty smiles
and warm embrace
Will be the greatest joy of my army days



Oct 19: Zarah's Birthday!!

Yup, the pride and joy of my life. The one who made me a fool for her. The one whose photo i took to camp and showed off to all my platoon mates, the one i'm gonna marry.

Zarah Chua~! Wait for me!! :)

hhkkss


love
bob

D-day, H-hour

bob [b-orb] adverb, noun, verb
~ term for a variety of emotional states :
excited / confused / hopeful / a bit fearful / confident / loved

After tomorrow, someone new will come into my life.

My Physiotherapist.

i'm fine... soon

as some may have known, i recently hurt my hand in a fist fight with my kitchen wall. Yes, adrenalin made me assume the wall is filled with beanies, thus my latest research findings; adrenalin is actually brain juice pumped to every part of the body, sans the brain itself.

Anyway the fierce battle left me with a distorted hand and a pair of hysterical parents. It was a surreal moment as I reasoned within myself seconds after impact. I thought, did my knuckle shift back? No, not possible. Unless, i dislocated it in the weirdest fashion possible. And i really believed so. Coz given the pain at that moment, nay, how serious could it be?

I was so wrong.

We went to the A&E at SGH. Initial examination had everyone believing it was a bruise swelling that gave me a pain scaled 5 out of 10. Did a routine X-ray and nurse gave me a queue number to wait along with the rest of the patients. Nothing strange, until i got a phone call shortly after i got my queue number.

"Mr Li, can you please come to room 12 now?"

Eh? Why the special treatment. Something's not right.. And as i was being led to view the x-ray, doc lamented to me...

" Nian qing ren, why so chong dong?"

And lo and behold. My x ray result.

( vulgar text here ).

My hand's screwed. Big time.

I couldn't believe beneath the swell was the broken ends of my bone. It's a pretty clean break i must say. So effectively, I have increased my body's bone count by 1. It's so uncool.

I was whisked off immediately to see the hand specialist. A big friendly man. Nice fella who did an analyst of the x-ray and like some CSI show, explained how it became so ugly. Basically it's a typical boxer's fracture. When we drive our fist forward, the initial contact point is the middle knuckle. As we impact, the wrist naturally bends the fist to transfer the momentum downwards from the middle, to the ring knuckle and finally, the pinkie's knuckle. At this junction, there isn't any more knuckles that I can transfer the flow of energy, so the last knuckle absorbs all the force. And it's a lot of force by non boxer's standard. Therefore the inevitable fracture.

Like what my doc Tay said, " Wah, you pumped the wall so hard?"

Strong ah, bob?

Then i found out why we needed such a big man for a hand specialist. As he prepared the cast for my broken hand, he told me it's gonna hurt a bit.

And.. i believed him. Coz, he's the doc.

right.

IT FREAKING HURT A BIG BIT.

Wah.. i could feel him pressing the broken ends down to meet again. His huge hands provided ample strength to forcibly hold my hand together again, and he packed in a lot of pain too.

So that was it. The cast was set till last week when the doc changed it to a plastic splint for support and increased level of convenience. Currently i am waiting for my ops next monday, and hopefully no complications watsoever, I can resume my life with my new metalic implant.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

It has been an amazing life's lesson that I have never prepared for.

I learnt a lot. I saw a lot of emotion. I saw how vulnerable is the human brain. I saw mankind's weaknesses. I saw those who cared, those who tried to care and those who never did. Some encourage, some simply disgust me big time. Then i realised how much my heart has been wrought by my circumstances. Yes I have changed as a result of this incident. But i guess it's just a routine I needed to go through to be me.

Overnight I became a burden. I couldnt do the dishes, sweep and mop the floor. I relied a lot on people around me. I came closer to understanding how it feels like to be a handicapped. It is just so tough. Many may try to empathize, but who really knows the emotional strain we go through? Who really understand our thoughts? It is more than just a disablement of a portion of the body, but a lost of some of our abilities that we have taken for granted all our lives.

So wounded that i felt wasted. I fought so much emotional battles just to smile again. Don't assume I am weak. Try standing in my shoes as you remove the splint to wash your hand; the deformed hand with a cavity in your palm and an unnatural bump on the reverse side beckons out to you. As you scrub it, a sickening feeling runs through your body as your last finger sways precariously because it is no longer supported by the palm structure. Every wiped is coupled with an unnerving sensation that runs from the finger to the elbow. As you turn your hand around to wash the underside, half of your palm flops along with gravity. Try holding the soap and you realize you lost the use of ur last 2 fingers.

Then there is this host of people I need to coax and reassure. I lied so that they wont feel so sad. I encouraged them by day and cried by night. I have put up such a fort that no one knew the wounded me inside. Not even myself.

I have lost a lot, But i am not giving up. I have cried all i needed, so now it's time to move on. At least my hand's a lot more mobile now ever since the swelling gone down. At least i can still type.

Thank you to all who stood by me and encouraged me in your big and little ways. Much appreciated. Special thanks to my granny, my fav cousin, girlfriend, church friends, Sim friends who bothered to ask ard for my condition, and of coz my parents, for standing by me despite being such a disappointment.

I will be better. I promise. Because you all have given me a reason to.

loved.
bob

no tear, no fear.

world oh world, where is the beautiful soul i so believed in? why is your countenance turning darker by the careless flow of time? is there no love?

i shall not crumble, never will i fall. i will fight on, even when all has forsaken. i'm down, not out.

Oh God, please help.

Boonbag photoshoop

Yes! Finally we had our first ever professionally taken photoshoot.

Okay i lied. Again.

It's actually for Kun's wedding photo / video. Nevertheless, it was great fun, despite the erratic weather.

And do you know what is the coolest thing of doing your own MTV? You can play wrong notes, get in and out of tempo at will, headbang like Michael Jackson (hah) and at the end of the day when everything is mixed together, MAgic! Action-beh-dey like dunno what and we get studio quality output. Talk about the adobe revolution~!

As for the sound on site, we didnt even need to bring our amps along. Just plug one end to our instruments, and the other end to the drummer's stool~! truly, we bring new meaning to "musical chair". No wonder Waiyin looked a bit out of sort with all those cables running from his position.

Everything went pretty well. Yupz. Can't wait to see the jumping shots~!

Bob

blog for my dear brain

i'm here again. in a place i almost forgot. My rambles are no longer heard, as much of it is concealed beneath this scalp of mine, suppressed and never really expressed, except in little notions driven in all directions but the obvious.

work has been choking up my weekly schedules. I watch my life slip thru my fingers as i slowly lose control over what was once mine. i feel like i'm constantly giving, be it of my time, finance or effort, i'm diverting all these personal resources to anyone but myself. Although many a times i find myself at the losing end, still i derive joy from such charitable acts. Perverted, but in a good way.

National Day would have taken little significance if it weren't for the passing of my alma mater's ex-principal. I had volunteered to play in my alumni band for his funeral service that morning. Yes, after years of trombone abstinence , i picked up my instrument in good faith and contributed whatever talent(or the lack of it) I have, in remembrance of a great leader of the St. Andrew's family. Truth of the matter, i was never under him during my secondary school days. When I joined st andrews i was already under the then acting principal Mrs Krempl, who eventually saw me all the way thru my saintly days. So why did I actually bother to drag myself out of bed at 6 am with barely 4 hours rest and ignored my scheduler to scorch under the sun for a man i never really knew?

Simply, it was my love of the band members, appreciation of his contributions and the pride of my school.

If it werent for the likes of Shenloong and benny, I would have long deserted that hellhole like 3/4 of my cohort who did so. We practiced so many weekdays' afternoons away to live up to the good name of sasmb, endured countless punishments in accordance to the whims and fancies of our seniors. Still it was because of this comradeship we shared, compelled me to extend a helping hand when my fellow section mate, Arthur, requested for our help.

Mr Harry Tan was the man who supported the band through its infancy and all the way to one that shares the stage with the very best in Singapore and perhaps, the world. How can I not return this favor in his final rites? No Mr Harry Tan, no band, no trombonist me.

Finally, I love my school. I take pride in being called a saint. Although there is this kinda love-hate relationship I have with St Andrews, I still love this place and i hope to send my kids (boys of coz) back there to experience the st andrews way of life.

Anyway i had a great time catching up with my friends, playing my much beloved trombone, and I also saw several of my former teachers and school mates. Guess it's pretty heartwarming when generations of SA boys came together in one accord to remember this great saint of our time. All that fatigue and blazing heat is worth every bit. Definitely.

my love of the school, made me a fool. A happy one indeed.

RIP Mr Harry Tan

With this, I would like to end with the last stanza of my school's hymn:

One family unbroken We join with one acclaim, One heart, one voice uplifting To glorify Thy name.


What's a gathering without a parting shot?




Up and On!

stop and glare

ok, i know i shdnt b blogging now, but oh well, heck the projects, i'm facing a potential mental nuclear meltdown from all the thoughts.

i tink as we age, we develop different expectations and value systems. and sometimes these differences conflicts with those around, even ones we count amongst the inner circle of trust.

i must confess, i have changed too. i dont have that luxurious abundance of time as i used to. my life revolves around a digital scheduler that keeps me in check with all that i'm pursuing and commited to. but in the process, a lot of impromptu plans by those i love are inevitably shut out. it's quite a spoiler to be one of those who replied more no/s than yes/s. it's my fear, that one day my actions will contribute to the cessation of this circle.

don't give up on me, i'm still trying.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

boonbag, we are a ministry before music. i can afford to lose the band, but not its members.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

anyway on a brighter note:

my flat will be ready in 2011 Oct! Yes, i'm so excited for it, and so is my beloved wife to be, Zarah. :)

my company will be sending me to moscow in sept for work / recreation. although it's just a few days but i tink it's awesome still :)

had a very fruitful photoshoot session with my dear at haji lane last weekend. got several shots that i love a lot. definitely some of these shots will b showcased in our new house. :)

i helped to cover a church event last fri. was really fun snapping those shots :)

man.. i really love photography. not pro yet. but hopefully soon. :P

okay, back to work.

love
bob

of cloudy skies and silver linings

sometimes when bad things happened one after another, it makes one wonder about the reality of this person that we believe in. We'll just wonder why there is no intervention of any sort, even if it means dropping a psp from the sky and smashing my window, i'll be more than happy.

I had my fair share of shit yesterday. So much that i almost fell out with my girlfriend coz i was totally grouchy, stressed, highly irritable. Everything just seemed to go wrong. coz i'm the mc for my boss's wedding today (sat), and i was totally unprepared. clothes not ironed, sequence of events unsure, dont know my speech. got several coordinations to tie down, n i still had cell meeting at the evening. So by the time when it's about time tat i got home to prep for the next day, i got another surprise. i actually left the cds tat i need for sound check early the following morning in my colleague's car. tried calling him several times to no avail as he had left his hp in his car. So after much deliberation, i resorted to driving down to the groom's house which is like one end of sg to pick up the spare cd. and by the time when i reached his place after several wrong turns, it was like almost 2am. totally sucky. And when i was so ill prepped, my dad threw a last min bomb that he needed me to send him to work at 6.45 in the morning, i was totally zonked out.

WHAT THE %$@#^ IS GOING ON?!?!

yes, i was pissed. even when ironing the clothes in the wee hours of the night / morning, i discovered mould patches on my shirt. already i was transfigurating into a panda but still i had to clean my shirt as i iron it.

A sleep deprived, semi-conscious coordinator / emcee is not a very good start. but still the wedding has to go on. So despite my pathetic condition, i carried out my tasks to the best of my abilities. Yup, i survived the morning / afternoon session.

Everything basically went thru pretty well all the way till dinner and boy did i heave a mighty sigh of relief. Coz i'm just required to seat back n relax during dinner. No more responsibilities.

During the proceedings of the wedding dinner, there is this segment that the couple starts offering thanks to their loved ones. At such moment, they will thank everyone, and on top of that list out a few names in particular to thank them. Firstly they thanked God, next they thanked their parents, after that they thanked their relatives in general, followed by their brothers n sisters who helped with the whole event. Then at this point of time, the groom made a special mention of someone who went through so much to make the wedding a success. No, it's not those brothers or sisters who are supposed to be the key players in his wedding, not his legions of cousins and close friends, but unexpectedly, me. it's quite an experience especially when i'm not really that close to him and he kinda got the whole dining area to scan around for me. that was when i realised that all i went thru was not in vain. The extra mile covered meant so much to him that he would actually sieve me out from his bunch of brothers, cousins and close friends and appreciate me for what I have done. Touched. Not only by his words, but also by the way God works.

Truly, no eyes has seen, nor ears have heard, of what God has planned for us.

So as we left the place with the groom n his lovely wife thanking all of us as we leave the place. I gave a salute to the groom. Out of respect, and in a way, my form of reciprocating his kind words. Also another reason is because we had a rather officerly kinda working relationship for the whole wedding process. Dont really know how to put it in words, rather cheesy too, but hey, he deserves it.

I'm really feeling good about the whole event.

Have a everlasting and blissful marriage my dear friends.

love
bob

east mountain rises again

Hooray! My Xray result has declared my healthy state. THank you all for ur care, concern and prayers. I have yet survived to fight another day.

Of coz my not-so-near-death experience is not going to put me out of action. Well.. not anytime soon. Coz there's just so many things that I want to do. Even if it risk breaking a few bones here n there. i wont stop trying till i'm down, i wont quit till i'm out, i wont surrender till it's over. Like my SSM once said, he wants to die in a war and not on his deathbed. I guess I want to die knowing i've done all that I can, all that i dared and perhaps more.

*flips the pages*

i've kinda got bitten by the emcee bug. My company's recent gala dinner that i emcee-ed must have been pretty good coz my boss asked me to emcee for her wedding. And lo and behold, i've got another emcee appointment in Oct for Kun's wedding~!

Hahaha. i like their faith.

*flips again*

my flat agent told us that we can expect to see the flat in 3 years time!!!Oh My!!! So exciting. i hope i'll have saved up enough for all the pretty pretty things in our love barrack (nest feels too cheesy for me). i forecast, 3 weekends of house warming parties. i hope no one will swing the wii controller outside the window. 34 storeys can potentially turn even a nose booger into killer litter material. (alrite, a really big one) i hope i have really nice and friendly neighbours. I am so gonna buy fruits for them to make peace on the first day. :)

alritey. time to get back to work. dreaming rocks man.

love
bob

Angels touched me.

The clock held its pace, people held their peace. A moment of tranquility, almost surreal, frozen, in its time.

I didn't blink, coz i didn't dare.

In an instance, a horrendous screeching noise of grinding steel, tarmac and flesh shattered that time zone and screamed into my ear drums and jolted me to my senses. No, I wasn't the bystander, I just contributed my flesh to the symphony.

Like a heavenly bugle call, angels shed their mortal veil and manifested all around me. There were those locals who came to my aid and helped me to the side of the road and parked my bike safely on the side. Then followed by my colleagues who administered first aid, and according to those who ran off looking for the medical supplies, the locals were like shouting to them instinctively to guide them to the nearest pharmacy. Touching. I must have been the talk of the town for those fleeting moments.

Then angels came in the form of the other tourists who chatted with me, offering encouragement and advice. Then there were the attentive receptionists who helped me with the changing of the dressing of my wound. But there was this person who helped me changed my dressing, left a deep impression in my mind. My boss.

Sometimes we don't really expect our superior to extend that level of assistance because it feels humiliating to them. Then at that moment, I was reminded of how Jesus washed the feet of His disciples as she washed my wound with the saline solution. She didn't have to do it because I could manage it myself, but she insisted.

I used to think she's really proud, maybe arrogant, bitchy to a certain extend, but when she extended that level of help to her subordinate, all that preconceived mindset just vanished.

Then there were the multitudes who just came up to me just to find out how am I doing and offered advices ranging from traditional healing methods, to riding tips and even riding stories garnered during their heydays, n many more.

Somehow this accident I had, gave all these people a chance to show a good side of themselves. It also became an excellent conversation topic with all my colleagues. Perhaps, it's not such a bad thing after all. I mean by virtual of the fact that I still joined the team building games the following day and even led my team through the tug of war challenge to victory, i guess some of them might be( assumption ) encouraged.

Their angelic side didn't end in Koh Samui. When i returned to Singapore, my colleagues were like smsing me on my condition while I was away to see the doc and take my xray. Also when I got back to office, apart from the constant get well wishes, one of the kind aunties from my parent company actually brought some solution from her home for me to wash my wound with it. So sweet!

Yup, I have been really touched. Feels good to be fussed over. It's moving to see people coming forward and doing things out of their comfort zone for me. To know that I meant something to my colleagues leaves a sweet after-taste to the accident. Really appreciate everyone's love, care and concern.

Marcus even called me up and prayed for me over the phone. Solid la bro. Brotherhood! Much appreciated.

But all in all, my girlfriend has always been that ever present support through the whole episode. The only one who sees beyond my smiley countenance, hears my whine and complains. Thank you my dear!

Yes, I do believe, every cloud is silver-lined.

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Zarah and I are getting closer to our dream home!! so exciting :) Gonna pay the 5% downpayment next week. :) I'm so gonna get a 42 inch plasma tv for the living room~!!!! Just thinking of it gets me all excited. Oh, did i mention it's gonna be another ~~~ 4 yrs time? :P

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Did i mentioned my birthday is like over???

Although I've been typing for the past hour on this blog, i MUST have this entry. Because this touched me so much and simply meant a whole lot to me.

I didnt have much plans or hope for my birthday actually. Coz I had the combined birthday with ben on thurs already, and on the actual day I'll just celebrate it with a simple dinner for 2 at fish n co at the glass house.

Or so i thought.

When I arrived at fish n co, my gf simply led me up to the 2nd level. Nothing too wow about that, but what took me by surprise was the presence of the supper gang! I mean.. it's like ages when supper gang did something like this to surprise a member on their birthday! I was literally speechless, close to tears, and totally blown away. I cant thank everyone enough but I still must say it (even though it's like almost a month after right now), thank you guys! i really love all of you!

And so, here's a tribute to those who etched my 25th birthday celebration onto my heart.

thank you guys!

Love
Bob

Jaded

i tink tis is a sad world. every now and then someone will be there to lament how they have been ill-treated by their circumstances and are heavily burdened. nope, society wont help, the self-righteous seemed hindered by some unseen forces to help. yup. so i try to help. i realised that i'm like a dying breed of people. wholesome by nature, jaded by mankind. i listen to all the sob stories, i sympathize and help where i can while the rest just analyse and advise. wt%. i'm like the only clown walking the walk. so thus began the jadeite process.

recently my dad "confronted" me about some contributions that i make to some organizations. i tot he's gonna recite his 10 yrs series lecture of this rodent infested world, but no. he just told me, God sees it.

that's a refreshing view from someone like my dad. he can be quite a skeptic, doesnt believe in handouts, must fend for oneself, etc etc. a hardy man. nevertheless, a good man. so with those words of encouragement, he gave me a reason to cont these charitable works.

life. hum bug.

i'm slowly starting to break track and find new reasons and purposes. i may not be right, but at least i can lift my head high.

dont tell me, show me.

bobbaleena
(some gay fren gave me this name :P)

ps: no, i'm not turning gay if u r wondering. i love the army.

to the greens and back

It was all a breeze.

Okay at least i try to pretend that we were lazing in the bunk everyday and have a Nuahz of a time. Sadly, no. I saw so much vegetation that my preconceived impression of reservist was totally revamped and the motion of which felt like active unit again.

But despite all the sufferings, I am really glad with what I have went through. I have an awesome bunch of guys under me, my superior likes me, and I got a whole of of friends going through this together. Yup, people whom i counted on to keep me sane through those army daze. The best way to describe the experience; is going through ocs again but without the excessive tekan. Lovely.

10 years suddenly dont seem to be such a long time. Perhaps one day I may just volunteer for a 2nd cycle when my first is over. Then again we'll see how things go.

Yup, and so it was a breeze of my buddies' sweat mixed with "Off" sprays and mosquito coils.

Cheers
Bob

PS: there's so much I want to type but the clock beckons me to bed. oh well :P

People Relation n some others

People relation is a virtue in life that we cannot deny. Intangible as it may be, the effect of it casta strong impression or repercussion, for those who fail to identify the fragility of it. It is more than just a monologue, a one way passing of information, but a series of thoughtful AND heartful action and reaction from parties involved to achieve a common understanding and goal.

Come to think of it, PR is a skillset highly sought after in the corporate world with organizations willing to fork out good money for those imbued with those talents. If not how do they clinch those big deals, work with their partners/contractors, and achieve camaraderie and teamwork amongst their staff?

PR to me is very important. It is really akin to friendship. I guess it stems forth from the day in Pri 3 when i told my classmate at the back of the classroom that every friend counts. It's more than just achieving some corporate agenda, but really, making friends and keeping them.

But of course, the heart is willing but the flesh is really stupid. There are times when i did things that screwed up close friendships big time. I cant turn back time, and I'm too prideful to go on my knees to beg for forgiveness. For such, i learnt to let go, and let God. I'm still learning and I know I still got a long way to go. Yeap, still pressing on.

There are some people whom I have grown up with over the years and i really love these folks. But as we go on in life, our lives' agendas come into effect. When activities that do not go inline with what we would like for the group kicks in, we start to drift apart. So what do we do when that happens? That's when expectation management comes in.

Frankly speaking, I'm not counting much to come from the gang when it comes to my birthday. I dont know why. Although the amount i contribute annually for birthdays is more than what I get, I still continue doing so. I must admit i was bitter and still is to a certain extend about it, but really, this is one of the few things i can do to keep the gang together.

People are really not perfect. We screw up a lot of things in life. But we have abilities like PR and expectation management to help us mitigate through this life's journey.

I still believe that everyone has this desire to keep the gang together. Just like those days, youthful and foolish, foolishly happy.

My coke, milk and apple juice cocktail. Shared with those i loved and still love dearly.

Brotherhood (and sisterhood for some) forever
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As some would have known, i am in the midst of my reservist. I wont deny the sianness of booking in and being confined for the week. But definitely there is a great joy in being able to come together with so many from my previous units. All these familiar faces and common background breaks the ice like sledge-hammers to ice-cubes. Am in love with these unit and I really hope that I can stay in it with these guys for all my ict years. I long to join my friends so much that i nearly fell out with my boss to come for this ict, and with the next ict being held during the busiest time of the year for my company, i am really troubled by it.

Oh well, one more week to go, gotta make the best of it. Hopefully it's not my last with these guys.

Fighting on!

Bob

17th - 28th March ICT

Back to the greens. So many thoughts. So exciting. I'll cya all soon :)

Please move more to your left. Right. :)

different standards, different scale. Getting the balance is no longer just about attaining equilibrium, but to be relevant to the situation.

my colleagues often tell me, i'm the typical good christian boy. Maybe it's bcoz of the values that I hold, the desire to want to be the light, and to be a blessing to all around me. I know at times i'm far from perfect, doing things i shouldnt do. but hey, cut me some slack, i'm not God.

Then there is the other end of the scale. Someone recently shared with me that I am not doing enough. To an extend that I was made out to be one who is irresponsible and without a future. Kinda hurt inside. Perhaps that's what many who left had felt during their outgoing days.

i'm sorry i fall so short of your expectations, but let me commit to those who matter to me.

Alritey, chill guys. Here's something for those who made me feel shitty.

KTV SESSION GONE WRONG
no really, that's a protruding wire...

Totally in love with photography!

love
bob

updates

Ok, this post is not exactly an oh-i'm-so-hyped-up-to-blog kinda entry, neither it's well prepared with amazing photos to boot. Yup, just compelled myself to type this in before everything gets lost in those mystical nodes juggling about in my head.

I had an awesome make-up cell last thurs. The leader was my first cell group's member, and several of her members were my former cell members as well as aquaintance met along the way. The main awesome factor was what took place before n after cell. Basically the place is the home of my former vocalist and long time friend, so I have been there like a gazillion times, so much that the ban mien stall there is my all time fave suppering spot. So just like any other day, i drove down from my place to his. Nothing special. But when I was about to exit cte to reach toa payoh, for that moment I was so sure i needed to climb onto pie to hit toa payoh. But just when jumped onto the slip road, i was horrified by the mistake, and to top it off, it was all jammed even on the slip road. horror horror... Got really ticked off by myself n couldnt understand how I could have ever made that mistake. Event my friend when he called me, was shocked by the sudden deterioriation of my navigational skills. Totally pissed man, was like cursing every driver who were perpetually hogging my already crawl-paced lane.

After that i relied on gut instinct to exit at some kallang way n turned ard until i hit genting lane n finally back to macpherson that side. (if u dont understand the road names, it's ok, coz i dont know too. i'm just name dropping to make it look cheam. But that amplifies my state of horlan-ness yeah?)

So here's the cool part. When i eventually reached his block, i encountered a korean teen couple entering the elevator at the same time. Apparently they had shown the address of their destination to a middle aged man at the foot of that block and he guided them into the leave and helped them pressed the 10th floor. Nothing too wow actually, until i felt prompted to ask them if they were going to my fren's house, which was on the 17th floor. N they said, yes! I was like wow! if you didnt meet me and relied on ur that scrappy piece of paper would you have ever reach that place????

When they entered my friend's house and into the warm embrace of the members, the gloominess all faded away. That was when i knew God works in ways beyond our understanding.

After that when going home, i realised they were put up somewhere near my gf's place and I was on my way to meet her. So, relying on that scrappy piece of paper again, we drove to their host's place, we were lost. It was after much deliberation that my friend who was with me decided to call up the number on the paper, and for once, something was right, the person on the other line guided us to their house. So in appreciation, i've got a bowl of korean noodles~! hahaha.. too lazy to take a picture of it, but i'm sure it tastes great!

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On the following day, Boonbag had a performance for my company's magazine anniversary party. The music was great and several of my colleagues praised us for our outstanding performance. Ok la, not really that amazing, but not bad la. At least we made some contacts n opened up doors for future performances~! So tentatively, we've got a wedding dinner and a DnD to perform mid this year if all goes well. N it's all paid man~~ Thank God~!

Looking back, I'm glad we held on to our passion and friendship n just kept on playing despite the slow progress and several stages of stagnation. We had a dream, we supported one another to hang on, and we did it. Finally the gigs are coming in, the payment are increasing. 5 years of effort, is finally paying off. Well done guys. :)

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Okay last item. My bass is actually an uber cool bass! I didnt know coz i got it at pretty low price. The seller was like telling me if i dont take it, there's another buyer waiting to get it. I thought he was smoking me, but to me for that price, it's good enuff for me to take home n trash about.

So due to my prolonged abuse, it finally gave way n die. I took it down for repair at Davis. And nothing much was said when I brought it in. But upon collection, another sales guy was like in awe of it. Apparently my bass is some limited ed, quality bass that was brought to fame in the 1980s, during the glam rock era~! A few famous bands even used it for their big gigs. And now then it dawned upon me that my made in USA bass is actually more sought after those made in other parts of the world~!

Yup, i've repented n given it a brand new bag, changed the knobs, the volume knob as well as the jack for the pick up.

BC Rich Warlord, Let's rock the world~!

love
bob


PS: RX, i'm finally reading ur blog la~~~ haha

i wonder..

Sometimes life seems a little mundane. While we walk down this 5-foot way so much, have we ever wondered what lies behind in the back lane? Not the usual shop fronts and rustic signboards for sure.

Life has been rather routined. Not that i'm being tormented whatsoever, rather i want to be able to break free from the norms to find out for myself what i really want. I may bash a route around the knoll and to end up at the same endpoint, but at least i'll be happier, never mind the excessed fatigue.

Recently i've taken to the route less trodden. I was at chinatown on new year's eve. Well, it's not exactly all that wow. But i my purpose was not really to rush for the last min buyings, rather i was there to squeeze with the crowd. It was all hot, sweaty, sticky n squeezy. Tempers flared, i got blasted at by a highly agitated woman and i even got my left foot soaked ankle deep in a styrofoam box of ice water of the coconut seller in my attempt to hold ground to exp the whole procession. I even offered words of encouragement to a middle aged chinese lady who was obviously in great discomfort. Perhaps it was my cheerful countenance that prompted the lady to tap into my joy despite our extremely physical ordeal. I even had a guy's butt pressing at my groin area when a bunch of people were pushing desperately in front of him to get some fresh air.

Disturbing, but i got over it fast. :P

Anyway i took some pretty interesting shots and felt really satisfied. Even met some friends and took some parting shots together. Nevermind the fact that there was no more buses home and i chose to walk home and not take cab. Firstly is to save money and secondly to burn the excess carbs accumulated during reunion dinners. (i had 2 btw, once at my granny's, the other at my gf's place)

sometimes when we spend so much of our time with others, it's therapeutic to take time out to be oneself and do things alone. In fact it made me feel like i owned my life for once.

Life is full of decisions, why not make one for yourself? You might become happier.

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i just got back from a st andrew's sch alumni band gathering. The turn out was really encouraging. But my greatest joy was to be able to spend some quality time catching with these people who ARE the reason that kept me going in the military band. Really, not the music, not the fame, not the instrument, rather it was the love of these people who kept me going despite being one of the selected few (or only) to get the 4 letter word of certain sexual connotation from my band conductor. No it's not love.

It has been more than 10 years when i first knew them, it was great to see them all again. Thank you guys for the gathering :)

SASMB 99' graduates, this one is for you, for us.

love

bob

Thank you for the rollercoaster 2007

I think there is no better word to express what I feel to the year passed, 2007. It's just simply of gratitude.

So much has happened. Not just to myself, but to many of my beloved ones. Like every rollercoaster ride, there are up times as well as down times. There were times when i made wrong decisions that I would regret for a long long time, as well trimphant times that I take pride in. I guess everything happens for a reason, and each of them contributes to who I am today, and will mould me into who I will be for the new year ahead.

Some of the highlights of 2007:


My creative job.

I got a pretty cool job. Doing quite a fair bit of creative works, exploring the various creative disciplines and getting paid pretty well. On top of that, work starts like 9.30, ends like 5.30 and i get about 2hrs lunch. Did i say i get to travel? Yupz, really thank God for this appointment. Considering my starting pay is a tad higher than peers of similar work exp and I get to dabble in all of my interests, namely, flash, photography, web and graphic designing. Really putting my heart n soul into it man.

Oh, i got a pretty neat pay raise recently, considering it's only my 5th month. Coolness! :)

Multimedia director by 2010!


I'm closer to my new home.

Yupz. You heard it right. I applied for a flat with Zarah, and by God's grace i got a very good ballot number, 033. Somemore the location of it is near my current home, walking distance to the new Telok Blangah mrt station, very accessible vivocity n sentosa. On top of it, i might be getting a sea view unit or a high rise city scape view unit!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!! I'm so excited. :)


My cool cell group

2007 was a year that i left my previous cell grp of 2 long yrs, to one that is more of my age group. Although the members are not as united and stuffs, but i see great potential. i believe things will work out. I've got great guitarists to learn from, and an excellent leader who's really passionate about the things she does.


Boonbag transformation.

We greatly disheartened with the leaving of our vocalist Marcus due to certain creative differences in the middle of the year. But we picked ourselves up, playing instrumental for a period of time, before getting our new vocalist, Roy. I believe it's a blessing in disguise, as Roy is not only a very talented vocalist, but he's pretty nifty bassist, imparting techniques that I overlooked. Together with him, we had our first every performance in 2007, graced by one of our ministers. To those who were there, indeed it was a breakthrough for Boonbag. Our sound has matured and gone on to another level. We are believing for a better year in 2008.


i found zac.

To many, Zarah is my girlfriend of about.. 4 yrs plus. But more than that, she was my pillar and strength when i went thru some of the most trying times of my life. Thru the years, the relationship kinda went thru some tough times, but it was then, i found her again. The one i chased and gave up so much to be with. The one that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. it's like love rekindled. Like the days when i was chasing her again. Haha~ Say liao also shy. :)

i love you, Zarah.


Wearing the greens again.

Yes, it's classified under highlights. I'm a sucker for all those pro army propaganda. Haha. I'm actually more keen on meeting up my old friends. Yup. Life's gonna be more interesting. Come march i'll be away for 2 weeks. Just like the good ole days. Gentlemen, fieldpacks up!

hehe...

Those are some of the highlights that took place recently. Am really grateful for all that's happening and I believe 2008 is gonna be the best year yet.

thank you dear Lord. i dont know how to say it best, but at least it's from the bottom of my heart.

love,
a grateful bob

shit.. i'm still talking army

okok. i'm some kinda freak who spent only 2 yrs 2 mths in army, and spends the same amount of time after ord talking about it.

But then again, who don't? hah! Even if ya cursing that same csm or pc, it's still army fodder! Welcome to the freak show. :)

Anyway recently i just met a client who wants to do a website. Sounds simple yeah? Well, pretty much. Until i realised he just retired from the service. About 2 months ago to be exact. Now what so cool about that? Well, he's a lta colonel. Remember all those people that we use to fear and shun coz of their almost unlimited multi-cast of weekend guard duties and confinement. Yes, this is one who has the power to grant those fabulous weekend getaways with free lodging and meals.

Of coz men of such calibre cant possibly retire at only 47 rite? Wat kinda justice is he doing to all that he has gained in those years? He has received the golden handshake and has taken his bounty to bite/smash the entrepreneur bug. haha. :P

So there and then, we met up, had a nice long discussion. 1/3 business, 2/3 armyish feel-good-coz-i'm-an-officer talk. Most interesting and inspiring to say the least.

Sometimes while we are all down there slogging our *ss off for people high up whom we knew to be Nato's spokesperson and kiwi's alternative. This is one senior officer who did not mind his ranks to pull weeds with his men, covered up when other potential political candidates play punk, and had men giving their all for someone they believe in. Yesh, this is one such man. Someone I did not have the chance to work with. Not to say my past commanders were lousy, they had their own style of inspiring and motivating, but this man leads with a heart that mine echos after.

I didnt sign on for 2 main reasons, one is for the pursue of my creative career. The other is coz of all the political monkeys there that suffer from some bi-polar Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. Being in hq opened my eyes, i saw this culture that i never believed in. Standing my ground was shit, but at least i had some men who gave me hope and strength to perservere on.

Thanks guys. :)

Anyway, the talk really enlightened me a great deal about leadership and people relationship. No, i'm not the best. But at least i'm better than i was yesterday.

Ok, enuff of this gibberish.

So basically, i'm working for him. 2 crabs and 2 bars hand in hand. haha.

Permission to carry on, Sir!

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i'm so in love with events photography!

hehe... :)

yeah. that's all.



love
bob

"Registration is now closed"

Drats!

Those words are never meant to be! Was just thinking about how many km should i run this year, and who should i call to meet in the morning for a prep session, talk cock and catch up, and an endless list of dunno what else i had fantasized about.

Well, it's all a *poof now. According to our beloved singaporemarathon.com webbie of coz.. Argh! Such a shame. i even blogged about my first ever stand chart run.

so to my many beloveds who are running this year. i'm so so grieved that i cant join you in this landmark event. Be brave, go! Run the distance while i laze on my bed, hugging my green teddy bear and envy all you sweating, even swearing as you try to beat the clock with every aching step, and on the following morning you'll probably have the most gruelling bowel movement as your thigh and calf muscles scream in pain coz you didnt do a proper warm down the day before.

:P

i love all of you still. :)

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Anyway these few weeks have been pretty good! getting design projects from here and there. Yeah man, Thank God! Now is the time for me to really cranking on these projects before they pile up and put to shame my name in the freelance arena.

A lot of stuffs are in the pipeline for my design works, will prolly share more when the time is ripe. Meanwhile, stay tuned!


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Guitaring is a passion, and a talent(or so i believe) that I use to bless my cell group. Though i may not be the most skillful one, knowing a whole range of chords, but at least I am still able to contribute to the building of the atmosphere and support Titus and flowing along with him.

So moral of the story, you may only know G Em C D, but be the best G Em C D ard. You'll never know how many lives are blessed by your simple chord structure during times like praise n worship. And of course, keep on practising and learn the other scales n stuffs too.

Off track a bit..

Titus is a good man. He's everything a girl will want in a guy, and he's one of the few single, really awesome guys who will make great husband materials. This is not a lelong, it's an auction. May the best girl wins his heart! :)

Alritey, be good everyone. gotta go back to work!

Cheers
Bob

moving on

i was watching "an Officer and a Gentlemen" by Richard Gere, filmed some good 20 yrs ago. It's quite an engaging movie. Watched how the gunnery sergeant taunted, mocked and labelled these new officer cadets. Training was really tough, but these pilot hopefuls banded together and pressed on till the end, with most of them completing their training. Guess what? They still have a survival training at the end to boot.



Upon completion, the very man who brought hell to them, gave them their first salute upon commissioning. Touching.



I could almost see the bunks, the punishments, the shoutings, the survival training n the wave of verbal torment in my life. Yes, we went through all these, and like them we banded together and pulled through. We even had the first salute from our ssm. how touching. We almost miss being called a swine who suffers from pyschosis by him. In fact, i do. haha.



Anyway, back to the movie. The story line is really simple, plot's minimal, powerful values to take away almost none. But nevertheless..



Good movie. For all who wants a feel good, old sckool hot rod in nicely pressed uniform, cadets movie.



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I had a very fruitful cellgroup. Strangely, what first started out as making contacts with alien lifeforms eventually resulted in a very, very loving group.



Praise and worship was really good. Now my cgl has implemented a 2 guitarist system, and it's really good. It eases the burden of 1 having to take both praise and worship, now it's 1 for praise, and 1 for worship, and the off duty one will support the other through playing simple plucking, rhythm or even some kind of rifts. Titus is the pro for yesterday's session, so i basically supported him when it was worship time and it almost felt like we have reached another level. Annointing was strong, people were moved. The response was most gratifying. Even Titus and Tiffany confirmed that notion.



Then we have shuling's mom who has been such a blessing to the group. We had an awesome meal of katong-styled laksa. Really delicious and to top it off, most of us stayed back to fellowship together till late. So happy to see everyone is actively engaged in conversation with one another with no one left out alone. REally really satisfying.



I still love w250 a lot. Coz of the time we've spent together all those years. but at least i can say i have moved on, grew a lot under tiffany's guidance, titus's guitaring mentorship and the friendship from the rest. And I believe everyone is doing great, wherever you are, in the different groups. Make the best of it, and hopefully we'll have our w250 reunion cycling trip soon.

acceptance

i wish,

life can be simpler..
i dont need parables to tell my stories
i dont need to smile when i'm crying
i dont have to do what others say
i have no expectations to live up to

i wish to be me.

I'm fighting a war, a one man battle, rambo style. i don't mark my trail, i dont conceal my tracks. but with an automatic rifle in one hand, and a twin-barrel shotgun in the other, i dash for the outposts, raid the trenches, bomb the bunkers, to break down the series of obstacles that stands my way. Burn the bridges, sink the ships, i'm not going home. Yes, that's just about how i fight for my rights, my life.

i'm less than perfect, not an angel with hidden wings and misplaced halo.
i'm, but human.

accept me please.

i'm running in the rain~

Just compelled myself to jog just now. Yeah, for the sake of my hidden and almost forgotten abs.

Haven really jogged in a long while coz of work n other commitments, then i just realised, stand chart is coming and my figure is leaving, so i have better get my act together. So when i finally dragged myself out of my house, the cool breeze and moist air welcome me with open arms. Didnt really give it much tot though, just wanted to get my butt off the computer chairs. Therefore, i jogged.

When i was jogging halfway, the weather took a turn for the worst. Rain drops started pelting down my face and the breeze turned chilly gusts. Was contemplating seeking shelter, but then i was telling myself, there's no cat 1 in war. Also I have always wanted to run in the rain. Like some childhood dream. So i compiled couple more silly reasons like officer tis n that, i successfully psycho-ed myself to complete my run in the rain. Oh what pride..

Somehow, as I jogged, i was sub-consciously praying, asking God to hold back the rain. Like dont overwhelm me until it's all a blur and soaked. N so it was, the heavier rain did not come until i hit my block. Wow wow. thank God :)

Yes, i have jogged and completed my usual route in under half an hour. yeah! :)


bob

Sane again

Finally after such a long time, i'm having time for myself again. :)



The pda has been one of the world's greatest creation. I have found myself to be increasingly dependent on it. Somehow my life is constantly revolving around this little gadget. I have recently zhng-ed it with the addition of a 4-in-1 stylus pen (n pencil, n highlighter n ballpoint). Also i did some house cleaning on it, and made room for name cards! coolness :)



Then again, this invention has brought about a certain drawback. Coz now my schedule is more transparent and organised (sounds not bob), it has been easier to schedule appointments and stuffs. So much so that my time is no longer mine, but leased out to everyone who wants a slice of my life. (By typing this blog, i've given blogger.com a substantial portion of my free time. yikes~! ) Gone are the days when i can brush off bookings by mumbling some random appointment with martians in an exotic location. Coz everything is clearly listed out in my pda~! Maybe i should schedule an appointment with myself... hmm...



According to my pda, i'm booked from this evening, thru to next wed. Thurs is the only free time i have before i'm taken up again for that coming weekend.



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just suddenly feel like adding more to my blog.

A bit on what i've been getting myself into..

currently i'm into lots of xhtml n css, not really tat pro in it yet, but been practising on my coy website n been reading up a lot. Lemme recommend tis book by Head First. It is really brain-friendly. Covered over 300 pages in 2 weeks. mayb coz the words r nicely spaced. :) Then for graphic matters i'm doing a lot of photo manipulation n touch ups, and finally for my photography i have done a few informal photo shoot with my girlfriend and also have covered one of my best friend's ROM. Mr n Mrs Tay Kunming! Woo~! My first married close friends. I wonder who's next in line. hehe. Also been reading up wedding photography sites to get a feel from those pros. Actually i've been writing a song, but felt it's too emo to continue. Really nice n rocker feel.. maybe i shd change the lyrics before i present it to the band.

This is my career forecast:
web designer - senior web designer - interactive/multimedia director - creative director!

Man, i love to dream! :)

interesting

Edwin just sent me a most ultimate mtv of the season. a extremely cheesy cowboyish milkman sing-a-long, insanely sung by the one who never bother to articulate his words and regurgitate everything in a constant slur, mr jay. Most mis-matched. But still i was highly fascinated by it as I was in complete denial tat the singer who drifted on mt akina also does part time milk delivery.

Ah hah! the origin of soy bean milk, when takumi crashes while doing his rounds

Anyway... although i've 2 posts of parables, i actually have the actual copy stored as drafts. Really, reading them is kinda therapuetic, keeps me in check of my mental state n emotional quo. Also one thing about blogs is tat, it expresses the mood of that moment. But it does not accurately reflect the writers mood, at the time when the reader interprets it. Coz the readers may read it an hour later, a day later, or even a month later. which would have been invalid for a long time by then. So, in view of mankind's lack of ability to execute rational judgement, i refuse to display those words as they may be the source of unnessary conflict.

So erm, some updates on my life n activities of late. last sunday I attended church, after tat i rushed off to do wedding photography. was really fun. Took some rather nice shots. hopefully i can send them over to my freind soon. After editing of coz. :P

ok, my brain is knocking out already. i'll prolly type again tomorrow.

Take care
Love Bob

unspoken words

haha... viewers' discretion is advised. my words are not meant for the average reader.

Looks like we're at another episode of "Unspoken Words"

bob

Words unspoken

I have spent abt an hour typing my blog, but eventually I decided to trash it and not show. Because society is a delicate balance. A balancing act played by all around. We are all actors in our own rights. I have my role and my script, so let me play my part.

Encore.

bob

wondering.. death. And some others. :P

Have you ever wonder what you would do if you realised you have only a few days left to live? Before you start listing out the politically correct, holistic and socially responsible answers, pause for a moment to digest this question and reflect it in a realistic manner. I know it's pretty hard, unless you are experiencing it yourself.

Now what if it all did happened? But in a dream?

I had the weirdest dream recently. Senario is as per stated above. I dreamt that I only had a few days left to live and I was pretty amazed by the actions that followed.

Firstly i turned to God, I prayed and asked God to extend my life span. It kinda had no effect in the physical realm, but I just wanted to pray and share this tremendous mental load with an omnipotent being.

Then I went to a local game arcade centre to befriend the ah bengs and ah lians there. Bought chocolate for them to share.

After that I found a retired warant officer and offered him friendship and words of encouragement. Those glittering medals across his jacket, evident that he has made conscious effort to polish this objects of past fame and glory immortalized.

But despite all that I've done, my days remained numbered. Was terribly burdened, then i heard a familiar noise in the background.



My alarm clock.


What relief~~~ :)

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Yesterday was great. Cause I finally did something that I have wanted to do all my life. To run in the AHM, voluntarily. Perhaps I should list out some of the more memorable events.

I used the public mobile toilet. You see, my human waste, sometimes like to "chu" pattern. No, not those batik kind, it's churning at the worst moments possible, like, just before a major run like that. And so i humbly cramp myself into a tiny, dark and generously watered with pee cubicle. To crap of course. As for the details of the bowel motion sequence, you can leave ur hp number and i'll fill you in. :)

Then there was this little boy, about 6 yrs old, running along side with me. No, he wasnt panting like i did. Yes was I stunned, and shamed. Freaking kid prolly loaded with a ton of steroid or something.

Then there was this girl looking pretty in makeup and pink spaggetti strapped top. Sometimes we gotta admit that such people are excellent motivational factors. When ya behind, you will want to catch up to see how she looks, when you have caught up, you will pretend to wipe those perspiration on your forehead and look at her from under your arm pit. When contented, you will "gek" the "say" and act cool and oblivious to her presence, but secretly hoping that she will give you those lingering gaze as you jog way ahead, apparently effortlessly.

Then there was those familiar faces, lta tilak and mwo raymond. i wanted to say hi, but restraint as they were engaged in those armyish talks with other enciks.

Then there was those ocs cadets. I must admit, they are a loud bunch. Very attention grabbing. Was wondering, why must you guys be so loud and obnoxious and attention seeking? The tone, the communication style, the confidence and perhaps arrogance, exploded out with every bodily gesture and spoken word. Was pondering for quite a while, then i realised, it was because of their charisma, confidence, good people skills, etc etc that got them into ocs. these people are those who desire to be leaders of men and have shown those traits. Yes, they were loud, because they are not ashame and take pride in what they do. When a platoon of cadets caught up with me, their cheers and echoes stirred me and got me running alongside with these. Oh yes, my former days. I'm proud of them, coz that's where I came from. OCS.

Then there was the screaming cheerleaders. If i were still in sec sch or poly i would think they are the hottest gals ard, but sadly age has caught up and my taste changed. Sorry, i dont go for xiao mei meis. But they sure did perk up the jog for those compelled joggers.

Then there were 2 bands along the way. One of them has a female bassist. Coolness.

Then i crossed the finishing line. In 1hr 20min. Well done bob. You have got yourself a pair of aching legs. Ouch. :P

Stand Chart here i come!


running away
Bob

Foolish games

Like a fool, like a fool
I chased the wind like a fool
I held it in my hands; kissed it's forehead too
even though it was slipping through

like a fool, like a fool
I fought the shadows like a fool
I punched it in the plasters; in the concrete too
every single blow hurts like two

like a fool, like a fool
I watched the time passed, like a fool
it was ever so nonchalant, and haughty too
for i'm not worthy of sight, just like a tool

like a fool, like a fool
will anyone love someone like a fool
I am not a stone, nor a monkey in the zoo
But a man, that's madly after you

Like a fool, like a fool
I'm a fool for you
I hope that somehow it's true
that you're a fool for me too


bob

bob's back

amazing. i've survived more than a month without blogging. i wonder if anyone still drops by here for updates.

in any case, the blog has to live on, my sanctuary, my place to holler and vent. So let these fingers translate thoughts into text, revealing a little more than just revelations of my daily acts.

read on, with a pinch of salt please.

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Was pondering what caused the ceasation of my virtual diary. then it dawned upon me that it was inevitably exposed by my classmates. i wondered what was the draw to reading someone's blog? was it an opportunity to unearth unspoken words, mix it in a jar of vinegar, then feed it to those who previously were aliens to my words, that eventually became embroiled in your little mash of gossipy fodder.

oh well, it's over.

the disappointments i meant. let's move on dear friends. :)

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Then there was the unnerving but enjoyable graduation process. spent several hours in front of the computer working my ass off just to get my portfolio up and running. Then after that there was the online portfolio which i compelled myself to create for the benefit of my job hunting experience. (oh yeah, it paid off, pretty well too. considering my starting pay is higher than some of my peers, and it has a great working environment as well as potential for growth. )

hopefully my time here will be well spent and that my dream of being the senior web designer by next year can be achieved. will update here when the website is up. Yes, they dont even have a website. it'll b painstaking created from scratch.

i see mountain for me to overcome, i meant mountain range.

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i drove up msia again despite several protests from some of my friends, citing high crime rates n certain issues about their traffic marshals. But i still went ahead nevertheless. It was more of a pligrimage for me, some kind of a ritual that the driver within wants to perform. also, it's an opportunity for me to meet up my relatives in ipoh. It was most meaningful and memorable.

here's an extract of my msia blog which i wrote on my pda.

"Msia travel blog 15072007 0008hr

today my parents n i drove up to msia with a few things on our agenda. To visit my uncle n his family in Ipoh, pay respect to my dad's late colleague, drive up for sightseeing in penang n of course for a family get together.

Today we have met my uncle n his family. It is nice to see these familiar faces again. Truely pple age, but still their significance in my life still stand firmly. We had the famous bean sprout chicken with hor fan for dinner, n after tat my uncle took me out for a spin ard ipoh.
it was then when it all came back.

We were visiting quite a few places ard ipoh until we returned to the old house they used to stay. oh what nostelgia. The feeling of anxiety overwhelmed my mind as i waited in anticipation of the place where so many memories had its roots in. We drove thru a myraid of road networks to reach the house, n with every turn, waves of memories struck me with recollection of the many events and situation that shaped my childhood. I remember the front porch with a steel swing. The many plants that lined the fence, the rustic interiors, the curtain that covered the room entrances, the murky laundry area, the wooden netted cabinet tat kept the porcelain wares, the white dotted mongrel my great grandma kept, the white n brown cat from the neighbourhd tat comes by everyday at the back, the joy rides with my younger uncle on his scooter, n of course, my jovial great grandma.

Sadly it's was all in e past.

Now, the house's abandoned, the swing stands in isolation in the empty porch. The dog was given away, the cat never came back, my younger uncle disappeared without a trace n my great grandma has passed away.

Oh how my heart cringed when the house came into view. All that i saw in my memory crushed by the stark reality of what that stood before me. A building striped of everything i treasure. A dream lost, no less. Sadly, that's life. I lost much so that i can build new ones with e future generations.

At least tat's how i console myself"

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i went for my first reservist. so happy to see so many familiar faces. My ocs instructor was there, my fellow cohort mates were a plenty, my upper study and upperx2 study was there too. not to forget the abandance of tekong officers. hahaha.. was like some kind of gathering when everyone is like reminising the good ole days. so much to talk, so much to bring to remembrance. looking forward to my in camp with these wonderful folks.

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okidoki tat's all for now. i've got a backlog of photos in my com tat has yet to reach the lovely subjects within. hahahah. my bad. wait up all you wonderful people. i'll get them to you soon :)

Cheers
Bob

the sun through my eye

it's sunny again.
a smile crept upon my face
away with the thundering clouds and howling wind
raindrops bittersweet to taste

it's sunny again
but where have the others gone
why wouldnt anyone join me in one accord
and sing away my sorrowed song

it's sunny again
although i'm drenched inside out
i chose not to complain, whine nor sigh
but smile with a hidden pout

it's sunny again
but it will not be for long
the sane has fled and frightened left
Coz it's the eye of the storm

weijian
190607

Collapsing By

Dear Blog,

I've never meant to leave you. BUT have been extremely bogged down by so many stuffs n thoughts. So i figured i'd slap it all here to excuse myself from all blogging liabilities until further notice.

1) Reworking my past projects for grad show
2) Portfolio designing
3) WebsiteS creation
4) Photography
5) Emerge
6) Sleeping at odd hours
7) playing bejeweled
8) playing guitar
9) trying to play bass
10) trying to exercise
11) trying to finish a song
12) trying to keep on praying
13) reading "Strong Men in Tough Times" by Dr Edwin Louis Cole
14) saving up for my Tamron 17-50mm f2.8 Lense ~ $660
15) saving up for my PSP ~ $289
16) saving up for my future - wanna say priceless but... it's gonna be a huge sum.
17) trying to start to scout ard for jobs
18) trying to jog with my platoon mates
19) waiting to unpack my duffel bag - since 29/11/2005
20) loving my girlfriend :)

So many more things still bogs me.. but hey.. i've spent the whole day in front of my com, so we'll leave that under the category of "etc etc". Spare my aching fingers and radiated eyes please.

Oh well, back to my projects :P

bob
microwaved

Spinning my life in a Web

Definition of Bob's Blog

The expressed form of my thoughts, classified under the category of "id". I'm sorry i short circuited the whole hierarchical order of human behaviour, but my blog is simply what runs thru my mind and DOES NOT represent how I would behave or react upon contact. This is not a case of being hypocritical, rather it's how the "ego", "super-ego", "instinct" and the entire pyscho-analytical mechanism works. I understand that everyone's not perfect, always believing there's something good within everyone, so while i may flame you here, that does not mean i hate you. rather my mind just wanna let out what's brewing deep within my thought realm.

So read on, with a pinch, no, packet of salt.


i dont wanna be a Saul, but a David.

Sometimes i see myself being a people pleaser. Giving in to people at the expense of self. Maybe i'm just seeking attention, perhaps. but let it not be what i'm worth. Let me find acceptance in God's sight. i seek to crumble my pride. i seek to hear His approval.

i miss His voice, His assurance, so much...

God can make me whole, can you?


Don't act la

This was what one of my classmates told me on fri during our class makan with our lecturer. It happened when my meal came before the rest, i didnt tuck in, rather i chose to wait for the rest. Initially the rest were prompting me to eat first but i firmly declined. Coz it's not me. i never eat before others. then the prompting got a bit more intense. The other fella whose meal came at the same time was already chomping down his chow. i still refused their suggestion. Then one of them said, "Dont act la" By then his meal has already arrived and promptly commence consumption. Claiming to be real, himself and not putting up a show kinda statements, it really pissed me off. In retort, i told him and the rest, I would have been acting if i listened to their words and eat first.

Dude, look here. i'm not like you ok. Please don't associate me to your standards. i'm freaking brought up to behave like a gentlemen. While it may seem like an abomination to you, it's what i take pride in, so screw yourself and quit asking me to behave like you.

oh.. what uncouth words. i seek your pardon.


OCS plt 3 gathering














clockwise frm top left
er, me, vincent, ming, ah da at Clinic, The Cannery

quite a sad turn out, but hey those that turned out are those who really cherished the times together. Thank you again for those times, it was most memorable. :)


soldierly stuffs..

Recently i bumped in to a clerk of mine from Tk island, Luqman. Excellent fella, really helpful and one of those fellow soldiers i can count on. It happened along the junction of jln bukit merah n lower delta rd, when this familiar face suddenly popped out of the blue (black for the nite), and shouted "Sir" i was like huh?? then lo and behold Luq was before me. Without hesitation, he introed me to his fren as "one of the best officer" he has worked with. (actually as far as i can remember it was "best officer" only, but let's leave some room for humility else if i quoted wrongly then lagi paiseh) I was like so wowed, n paisehed. guess it's such words that assured me I have made more friends than enemies during my term as an officer.

Then on another occasion a classmate of mine told me, i am like those kind of good officers. My works spoke for me, of which i am taken by surprise coz i was just being myself and not trying to suck up to any one's balls. (oh shit, i'm reminded of the ball carrier again...)

Perhaps i have been surrounded by people who are filled with bitterness against the commissioned. their bad experience translated to a mindset that tainted our friendship. i wish i can tell them there are many good officers ard still and not everyone of them are idiots. You may hate them, but look here, you don't have to hate me with their hatred. let me prove myself, and no thanks to anyone of those who disappointed you.

oh.. time beckons once again. i shall turn in for the morning.


Love you guys. Really.

bob

i am highly perturbed by the zingazanged icon layout for my blog creation process. why is my text box so squashed? why is my icon bar so.. so... tall?! why can't i bold my text like how i used to? clicking on the icon only expose some grotesque phrase like "Error on page" EEwww!

Sigh, technologies.. never humane.

(if you see bold text above means my web lessons in poly were not in vain :P)

Anyway i felt a certain complusion to blog, despite the technological setbacks presented by our very own blogspot goooey (gui). Perhaps i saw too much to keep it all welled within me, the thoughts are breaking out, screaming to manifest into binary codes which would eventually morph into text in a digital dungeon.

Oh yes.. these thoughts ambushed my mind, silenced the procrastinator within and dominated my fingers. Their agenda, to showcase to the world, the finest moments of evolution, where thoughts become text. May I present to you... bob's blog bonzana. (sorry, can't tink of any other "b" word)

it has been a trying time for me, especially in the area of finance. Perhaps those defining moments like a $200 plus hp bill, $180 locksmith fee (of which i paid $100), car rental ($143 and counting)... coupled with the fact that i lost my mobile last nite didnt quite make me any happier. BUT despite the exorbitant lost, what that really set me back was the emotions associated with what was expanded.

The locksmith money came from my ang baos accumulated over time, money that came from my much beloved grandparents and parents. Esp those that came from my grandparents, the money they gave is a symbol of their love for me.. especially so, since they are unemployed due to old age. i felt so bad having to open up their token of love to pay for my mistake.

Then the handphone which i lost contained so many sweet messages n photos of my gf. Not to forget the painstakingly compiled phone directory. SHUCKS.......... I really hope my hp and keypouch can be found intact. Oh God.. :(



Today was quite a life defining moment for me. Coz i drove my dad down to locate his ex colleague who was dying of cancer. Doc gave him like a month left to live, which is quite sad for a man in his mid 40s. When i was there, i could see the resignation in his eyes, the downcast spirit
he bore. I sincerely hope that our presence did make his final living moments a little happier. At least, he knows that people still care.

In his glory days, he left the company after being bitten by the entreprenuer bug. Business ballooned and he drove a merc and lived in a bungalow. Sars came, took away all that he had, and now, he is left to die all alone in a hospice. perhaps, it's time we relooked at our life's agenda.. making big money at the expense of health may not be such a good proposition yeah?

Then another life defining moment was a scene i chanced upon on my way home. what seemed like a suicide attempt foiled by the many CD forces and medical support. The sucidal person was an elderly lady who looked highly distraught. Perhaps life was too bitter to continue living, that ending it seemed like the only option out.

Like what Peter (Spiderman) said, life is full of choices. Let's choose to be happier despite the setbacks. Learn to see the good in every situation and everyone. Things will turn out to be better somehow.


My graduation show is drawing near, unfortunately committee was falling apart. It has reached the place of no return and my lecturer had to re shuffle the team and reappoint the leaders. Too many red indian chiefs sabotaged the show, therefore chaos resulted and stagnation in our progress. They told me, equality among everyone, fairness in appt, no leader is needed. I told them, it wont work, you'll need a leader among yourselves. See.. don't listen to bob.. tsk tsk..

but then i'm also rather bo chap towards it already. It kinda looks hopeless when the management sucks and some of the members are simply balls carrier. Ok, maybe not all.. just one.. FREAKING getting on my nerve.

bob oh bob, work on your port folio pls..

bob's blogspot's blog's stopped for now.

bob
learning diligence and anti-laziness