The expressed form of my thoughts, classified under the category of "id". I'm sorry i short circuited the whole hierarchical order of human behaviour, but my blog is simply what runs thru my mind and DOES NOT represent how I would behave or react upon contact. This is not a case of being hypocritical, rather it's how the "ego", "super-ego", "instinct" and the entire pyscho-analytical mechanism works. I understand that everyone's not perfect, always believing there's something good within everyone, so while i may flame you here, that does not mean i hate you. rather my mind just wanna let out what's brewing deep within my thought realm.
So read on, with a pinch, no, packet of salt.
i dont wanna be a Saul, but a David.
Sometimes i see myself being a people pleaser. Giving in to people at the expense of self. Maybe i'm just seeking attention, perhaps. but let it not be what i'm worth. Let me find acceptance in God's sight. i seek to crumble my pride. i seek to hear His approval.
i miss His voice, His assurance, so much...
God can make me whole, can you?
Don't act la
This was what one of my classmates told me on fri during our class makan with our lecturer. It happened when my meal came before the rest, i didnt tuck in, rather i chose to wait for the rest. Initially the rest were prompting me to eat first but i firmly declined. Coz it's not me. i never eat before others. then the prompting got a bit more intense. The other fella whose meal came at the same time was already chomping down his chow. i still refused their suggestion. Then one of them said, "Dont act la" By then his meal has already arrived and promptly commence consumption. Claiming to be real, himself and not putting up a show kinda statements, it really pissed me off. In retort, i told him and the rest, I would have been acting if i listened to their words and eat first.
Dude, look here. i'm not like you ok. Please don't associate me to your standards. i'm freaking brought up to behave like a gentlemen. While it may seem like an abomination to you, it's what i take pride in, so screw yourself and quit asking me to behave like you.
oh.. what uncouth words. i seek your pardon.
OCS plt 3 gathering
clockwise frm top left
er, me, vincent, ming, ah da at Clinic, The Cannery
quite a sad turn out, but hey those that turned out are those who really cherished the times together. Thank you again for those times, it was most memorable. :)
soldierly stuffs..
Recently i bumped in to a clerk of mine from Tk island, Luqman. Excellent fella, really helpful and one of those fellow soldiers i can count on. It happened along the junction of jln bukit merah n lower delta rd, when this familiar face suddenly popped out of the blue (black for the nite), and shouted "Sir" i was like huh?? then lo and behold Luq was before me. Without hesitation, he introed me to his fren as "one of the best officer" he has worked with. (actually as far as i can remember it was "best officer" only, but let's leave some room for humility else if i quoted wrongly then lagi paiseh) I was like so wowed, n paisehed. guess it's such words that assured me I have made more friends than enemies during my term as an officer.
Then on another occasion a classmate of mine told me, i am like those kind of good officers. My works spoke for me, of which i am taken by surprise coz i was just being myself and not trying to suck up to any one's balls. (oh shit, i'm reminded of the ball carrier again...)
Perhaps i have been surrounded by people who are filled with bitterness against the commissioned. their bad experience translated to a mindset that tainted our friendship. i wish i can tell them there are many good officers ard still and not everyone of them are idiots. You may hate them, but look here, you don't have to hate me with their hatred. let me prove myself, and no thanks to anyone of those who disappointed you.
oh.. time beckons once again. i shall turn in for the morning.
Love you guys. Really.
bob
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