Spinning my life in a Web

Definition of Bob's Blog

The expressed form of my thoughts, classified under the category of "id". I'm sorry i short circuited the whole hierarchical order of human behaviour, but my blog is simply what runs thru my mind and DOES NOT represent how I would behave or react upon contact. This is not a case of being hypocritical, rather it's how the "ego", "super-ego", "instinct" and the entire pyscho-analytical mechanism works. I understand that everyone's not perfect, always believing there's something good within everyone, so while i may flame you here, that does not mean i hate you. rather my mind just wanna let out what's brewing deep within my thought realm.

So read on, with a pinch, no, packet of salt.


i dont wanna be a Saul, but a David.

Sometimes i see myself being a people pleaser. Giving in to people at the expense of self. Maybe i'm just seeking attention, perhaps. but let it not be what i'm worth. Let me find acceptance in God's sight. i seek to crumble my pride. i seek to hear His approval.

i miss His voice, His assurance, so much...

God can make me whole, can you?


Don't act la

This was what one of my classmates told me on fri during our class makan with our lecturer. It happened when my meal came before the rest, i didnt tuck in, rather i chose to wait for the rest. Initially the rest were prompting me to eat first but i firmly declined. Coz it's not me. i never eat before others. then the prompting got a bit more intense. The other fella whose meal came at the same time was already chomping down his chow. i still refused their suggestion. Then one of them said, "Dont act la" By then his meal has already arrived and promptly commence consumption. Claiming to be real, himself and not putting up a show kinda statements, it really pissed me off. In retort, i told him and the rest, I would have been acting if i listened to their words and eat first.

Dude, look here. i'm not like you ok. Please don't associate me to your standards. i'm freaking brought up to behave like a gentlemen. While it may seem like an abomination to you, it's what i take pride in, so screw yourself and quit asking me to behave like you.

oh.. what uncouth words. i seek your pardon.


OCS plt 3 gathering














clockwise frm top left
er, me, vincent, ming, ah da at Clinic, The Cannery

quite a sad turn out, but hey those that turned out are those who really cherished the times together. Thank you again for those times, it was most memorable. :)


soldierly stuffs..

Recently i bumped in to a clerk of mine from Tk island, Luqman. Excellent fella, really helpful and one of those fellow soldiers i can count on. It happened along the junction of jln bukit merah n lower delta rd, when this familiar face suddenly popped out of the blue (black for the nite), and shouted "Sir" i was like huh?? then lo and behold Luq was before me. Without hesitation, he introed me to his fren as "one of the best officer" he has worked with. (actually as far as i can remember it was "best officer" only, but let's leave some room for humility else if i quoted wrongly then lagi paiseh) I was like so wowed, n paisehed. guess it's such words that assured me I have made more friends than enemies during my term as an officer.

Then on another occasion a classmate of mine told me, i am like those kind of good officers. My works spoke for me, of which i am taken by surprise coz i was just being myself and not trying to suck up to any one's balls. (oh shit, i'm reminded of the ball carrier again...)

Perhaps i have been surrounded by people who are filled with bitterness against the commissioned. their bad experience translated to a mindset that tainted our friendship. i wish i can tell them there are many good officers ard still and not everyone of them are idiots. You may hate them, but look here, you don't have to hate me with their hatred. let me prove myself, and no thanks to anyone of those who disappointed you.

oh.. time beckons once again. i shall turn in for the morning.


Love you guys. Really.

bob

i am highly perturbed by the zingazanged icon layout for my blog creation process. why is my text box so squashed? why is my icon bar so.. so... tall?! why can't i bold my text like how i used to? clicking on the icon only expose some grotesque phrase like "Error on page" EEwww!

Sigh, technologies.. never humane.

(if you see bold text above means my web lessons in poly were not in vain :P)

Anyway i felt a certain complusion to blog, despite the technological setbacks presented by our very own blogspot goooey (gui). Perhaps i saw too much to keep it all welled within me, the thoughts are breaking out, screaming to manifest into binary codes which would eventually morph into text in a digital dungeon.

Oh yes.. these thoughts ambushed my mind, silenced the procrastinator within and dominated my fingers. Their agenda, to showcase to the world, the finest moments of evolution, where thoughts become text. May I present to you... bob's blog bonzana. (sorry, can't tink of any other "b" word)

it has been a trying time for me, especially in the area of finance. Perhaps those defining moments like a $200 plus hp bill, $180 locksmith fee (of which i paid $100), car rental ($143 and counting)... coupled with the fact that i lost my mobile last nite didnt quite make me any happier. BUT despite the exorbitant lost, what that really set me back was the emotions associated with what was expanded.

The locksmith money came from my ang baos accumulated over time, money that came from my much beloved grandparents and parents. Esp those that came from my grandparents, the money they gave is a symbol of their love for me.. especially so, since they are unemployed due to old age. i felt so bad having to open up their token of love to pay for my mistake.

Then the handphone which i lost contained so many sweet messages n photos of my gf. Not to forget the painstakingly compiled phone directory. SHUCKS.......... I really hope my hp and keypouch can be found intact. Oh God.. :(



Today was quite a life defining moment for me. Coz i drove my dad down to locate his ex colleague who was dying of cancer. Doc gave him like a month left to live, which is quite sad for a man in his mid 40s. When i was there, i could see the resignation in his eyes, the downcast spirit
he bore. I sincerely hope that our presence did make his final living moments a little happier. At least, he knows that people still care.

In his glory days, he left the company after being bitten by the entreprenuer bug. Business ballooned and he drove a merc and lived in a bungalow. Sars came, took away all that he had, and now, he is left to die all alone in a hospice. perhaps, it's time we relooked at our life's agenda.. making big money at the expense of health may not be such a good proposition yeah?

Then another life defining moment was a scene i chanced upon on my way home. what seemed like a suicide attempt foiled by the many CD forces and medical support. The sucidal person was an elderly lady who looked highly distraught. Perhaps life was too bitter to continue living, that ending it seemed like the only option out.

Like what Peter (Spiderman) said, life is full of choices. Let's choose to be happier despite the setbacks. Learn to see the good in every situation and everyone. Things will turn out to be better somehow.


My graduation show is drawing near, unfortunately committee was falling apart. It has reached the place of no return and my lecturer had to re shuffle the team and reappoint the leaders. Too many red indian chiefs sabotaged the show, therefore chaos resulted and stagnation in our progress. They told me, equality among everyone, fairness in appt, no leader is needed. I told them, it wont work, you'll need a leader among yourselves. See.. don't listen to bob.. tsk tsk..

but then i'm also rather bo chap towards it already. It kinda looks hopeless when the management sucks and some of the members are simply balls carrier. Ok, maybe not all.. just one.. FREAKING getting on my nerve.

bob oh bob, work on your port folio pls..

bob's blogspot's blog's stopped for now.

bob
learning diligence and anti-laziness

my frustrations cannot be heard...
less people stumble and wonder what's wrong.
i can only hope...

dying for a stupid cause
Bob in a facade

happy birthday, bob

i thought, if i dont make the effort to blog now, i'll probably never blog at all. And if i don't blog, i'll miss my customary birthday blogging! *Gasp*

Ah-hem... so erm, here goes.

i'm finally officially 24. Ok, 24yrs and 1 day old. It's my golden pig year too.. some kinda chinese zordiac calculation that declared good fortune upon me, and.. the many others who were born in 1983. Say, if all of us were to buy lottery at the same time, who will win?

Birthdays have always been a rather ritualistic affair. Going through the same motion over and over again, with minor modifications that came with the years. It used to be a superbly huge event where neighbouring kids and classmates would drop by to grace this party. Friends and relatives would use it as an opportunity for reunion and, mom, aunts and granny would pool their talents for the preparation of the feast.

But this little boy had only wanted to see what's beneath the wrapping papers.

Fast forward to my 24th. The crowd has died down but it's cool, coz i've got my dearests around me, my parents, grandparents and aunt, bestest cousin Aier, and of course Zarah to celebrate it for me in advance last sunday. Other than that, I guess i've kinda drifted through this day like any other day. In fact it's slightly on the downside.

My laptop has been popping out, "Operating system not found".

It kinda popped my heart out too coz a lot of my precious data are stored on it. Till now, i've been attempting rather unsuccessfully to revive it. Oh God, i need your breath of life on it! Looks like a trip to LG service center is inevitable.

Then the 2nd stunner came, my Amazing Australia Adventure (AAA) has left me with an Astounding bill of $246.22. My heart sank. I could have bought a crumpler, Customary Barge with that amount and change to spare. It was all those little phone calls that chalked up this sky high bill. And for my effort to make singtel smile, i've gotta sacrifice my birthday stash to redeem my ass.

Nevertheless, there is always some positive take away for every situation. Buy a freaking local pre-paid card the next time round.

Then for the first time, my gang did not celebrate my birthday. It was quite a refreshing feel when i no longer got to play robin to batman4es. Sorry i got robingirl, why do you keep insisting she should don the batgirl suit? Anyway it was great. Gave me closure and finally taking pride on my birthday. They may never celebrate my birthday ever again, but hey i got my girl. Thanks Zarah for standing by me, and of course for your efforts to make me smile on this gloomy day.

Then there is this oil spill in my crumpler. Yup, freaking doggy bag gave way while i was transporting leftovers to my girl's place. Shitty feeling man.

On the brighter side of this day, i've received several smses from people all over the place. i really appreciate everyone of them and trust me, they have made me felt a little happier with every sms received. right down to this moment i just got an sms from my sec sch band junior, mumhon~! aww.. so sweet of him yeah?

Ok, sleep bug is eating away half my brain cells already, i'll b back to blog more, especially about my australia trip. Till i recover my aussie photos, stay tuned!

Bob + 2kg

back..

finally i'm back! was away in aussie from 24th Mar to 14th Apr. So if you had attempted to reach me but to no avail, now u you know y. :P

really beat now, i'll let the blogging bug bite tmr. So stay tune... whoever u are.. :P

Cheers
Bob

3 little pigs

once upon a time, there were 3 little pigs who left their mom's house to build their own. Along the way, they had some very interesting encounters.

The first little pig saw an old friend.

How nice it is, thought the little pig. Had wanted to chat for a little longer but the friend's colleagues were waiting for her. Oh well, lamented the pig, perhaps next time then.

The little pig continued his way.


The second little pig saw 2 semi-drunk folks

In the midst of his idllic gaze upon the passing stream, 2 semi-drunk folks approached him and said, "You ok brother? You take care ok? It's a bit late, but happy new year" Little pig was surprised, for he thought he became a target of drunkard bash, for which little pig was prepared to throw his hoof across to knock these wobblies to the ground. Looks like the fallen countenance spoke distinctively despite their tainted analytical skills. Hmm.. Good looking lads, thought the little pig, must be from some art school as they exude a certain artsy fartsy aura with their caucasian n pure chinese look.

The little pig continued his way.


The third little pig saw a susuki swift.

Little pig thought to himself while driving. Why is this swift overtaking me? Little pig stepped up his accelerator and before he knows it, a race had begun.

They both stopped at a traffic light. Moments later, the green light glowed. Like a synchronised act, both cars exploded forward. Little pig floored the accelerator on his 1st gear. Never had him heard the car roaring in that manner. The powerful engine with manual transmission projected little pig ahead of the competition! Subsequent shifts were well timed and by the 3rd gear the car was jumping passed 80km/h. Perhaps a little too much for the car, but it was a gratifying act that had the swift consuming dust trails. Looks like pig has some nifty driving techiques to boot! Manual 1, Auto -100.

At the end of the whole day, the three little pigs decided to combine their resources and build a decent house that would meet their needs for safety, survival and fame.

The End.


Oink
Bob

penning my storm

1) Farewell my friends

It's the season when..

Summer vacationers retreat to their overseas college for the next acadamic year or supplementary papers..

Freshies embark on their degree programme on foreign soil...

And overseas industrial attachments draws high flying geeks away.

All those gatherings and meetings were awesome, catching up brings a lot of memories, and memories are what we have left to keep us all together. Memories are great, but they do falter and fail. especially when old friends do not make the effort to meet up.. Everyone just disappears from one another's life. So before i become insignificant in your lives, let me thank you for those hugs, tears and hope. The laws of depreciation still work its wonders on these perishable assets.

I wish i'm special, but i'm not.


2) Class, arise.

My schooling days are numbered. The final instalation of my school fees invoice has finally arrived and in a few months' time, i will join the workforce, then campus living and class camaraderie will just be things of the past. Sadly many of my classmates are merely aquaintances who are for class projects and nothing more. Where is the class spirit that I always dream of? Where is the class rep to gel the class together for our final steps as a family? WHY ARE YOU IN SECULSION!

What's a class without those innocent dreams and selfless acts. Don't treat one another like colleagues, we are classmates.


3) Genting Confidence Badge

Yes it's true, i have finally driven up to Genting and back. YEah~! The steep slopes although challenging, but it's a great test of the car's engine and the driver's handling skills. It has been a wonderful experience and i'm looking forward to more of it in the future.

This trip is like a just me n Zarah kinda trip. Although we tag along my parents for this trip, most of the time is just Zarah n i exploring the whole place. Lovely companion she has been. Yup~ loving her more with each passing day..

Then we visited my grand uncle in KL. Most nostalgic was to see the place i last visited more than a decade ago. Many memories evoked and emotions stirred. The little boy's all grown up.
The interaction is no longer the same, but definitely more meaningful as i no longer hide in a corner with my toys but sit with the elders and join in their conversations.

i love these people, finally.

bob

The return of Bob

I'm back once again. Or rather, i had restrained my fingers to blog. School projects proved too much of a hindrance to virtual speech.

Anyway, here's some updates and thoughts:



"Designers are not cheap labour."

Edwin encouraged me to blog about it. I hesitated for a moment, then i figured, it's great to voice out here, some kinda therapeutic effect it cast on me.

So what's up with this statement?

Well, there has been a spate of incidents when people approach us designers (my designer friends too), for freelance projects at a highly budgeted fee.

Gentlemen i suspect there's some misunderstanding around here. You are intending to engage me with your public toilet entrance fee?

What you are paying for is..

an intellectual and conceptual approach to design and it's function as a communication tool; to impact the audience conscious and sub-conscious mind and to influence their decision-making algorithm.

You are not paying me to tickle your toes rite?

Of course, if you are having problem interpretting my statement then i figure you have not understood my role as your designer. I'm here to help you solve a marketing/branding problem with an approach of an effective communication designer/advertiser. Well, I may not be as proficient as I should be, but definitely good enough to have taken on commercial projects from Philips, Singtel and many others.

Then again, me being the good-mannered no rejection policy-holder, i can always recommend you an alternative that would suit your budget. Get a primary school kid to splash a collage of colours on an A4 paper. If he's your relative, then easy, buy him a candy to coax him. Else if he's someone elses son, treat his dad to a all expense paid trip to the public toilet nearby. Who knows, he might relent somehow..

Ok, laugh people. Let's not all get tense up and offended (especially if you thought your loose change could trade for some artistic works)

haha. hehe.

Ok, i really laughed while typing it, hope it did for u readers too :)

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I got a close friend, a very awesome and encouraging person, Rouxin, who gotta fly overseas for some kinda exchange programme or Industrial attachment. So on the 20th Jan which I remembered to be her departure date, i was frantically trying to contact her. Her hp was like not responding. msn not online, i even resorted to calling several mutual friends just find her whereabouts.

Haha.

Then i realised it's 20th Feb.

Silly me.


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Relationships are never easy. People been telling me how compatible we are together. But something they gotta realise is the effort we put into bringing it to past. Life is no longer about 2 individual but 1 combined entity. Schedules gotta be planned around 2 timetables, budgetting gotta consider a 100% markup for every meal, movie ticket and just about anything. It's not easy but hey, i'm loving her everyday, somehow feels like it's more that when i first met her.

Then there will be people asking the marriage questions. I'm like ok, it's great, but let's not be pressured into marriage just because others or society deemed us marriable. It's not a hey, let's get married tomorrow kinda issue. There's a whole lot of considerations and planning just to make it happen. There is the financial aspect; how much have we saved up for the wedding ceremony, the expenses for house, car, family etc etc. Then there is the emotional and mental aspect; are you getting married because others tell you to? Are you mentally ready to take on this responsibilty of marrying this person? Are you at that milestone in life when you feel you are ready for marriage?

There are people who have approached us saying, "when getting married.. why wait so long.. i'm planning to get married next year" these kinda stuffs. And then they broke up a few months after. Guys, talk is cheap.. but your cheap talk do throw unnecessary strains on our relationship, casting undue insecurity on both parties. I know it's a bit long, but hey, at least when the day comes, we'll both be fully prepared for the next phase of our lives. Even if we do not get married (touch wood), it's definitely better than a divorce.


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My class rep is a nice lady. Quite a frank person, tactless to a certain extend, but definitely well-meaning. Unfortunately not many have come to appreciate her people-relation skills. To make it worst, she cannot really work with her male counterpart, who, in my opinion is a very effective manager, albeit a tad bit too busy to bother with class activities. So what happened was that she was trying to rally the class for some interaction and feedback session for our graduation ceremony when no one responded. Me being a bit extra, decided to help my poor class rep by going to the front to kick start the class. Lo and behold, class activity revived. So much so that i overheard my class rep making mention that I am more effective than her. erm.. well.. i'll take that as a compliment then. :) army has taught me well.


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Alritey, time to mug like how I should.

will be back to blog.

Cheers
Bob

A Tale or Two

Today marks the end of an automotive story in my life with the collection of Sunny. This accident opened the book and subsequent drives illustrated the remaining sleeves. Perhaps I would like to take some time to recount, and perhaps depict the private thoughts of some of the involved individuals for the closing page.


men in blue:

Again.

Watching these scenes unfolding makes me sick. Circumstances made the victims embrace the scheming ones with their sickle in full sight and yet, refused to acknowledge. Love them you fools! Know that they tripped you to lend a helping hand, tricked you to trust in them.

Take their hands
and their kindred prospers
Make a stand!
and they will suffer

and so will you.

inconsiderate driver:

Another week, another round. Tap the brakes, slam the speed, and watch them pile. Show them care, show them love, and watch them cling to you. Strike them when the time is right, with a namecard on their hands, the deciding moment for all to know.

Some may die, but heck, it's just another week. Perhaps the next would be better.


april:

I thought we are all victims. I thought we could share our grieves and shoulders. But yours are covered with spikes n poison to trap for my trusting heart. How then can I lay, less I be pierced? How then can I trust, if your insurance is after mine?


butt kisser:

My brakes my brakes, where art thee? I stepped where you were not, like a stun I pulled, to stop my car with my foot. MY FOOT!

Alas this stun left me limping like a fool, a wife with a broken head, a frozen kid between tears and fears, a mad friend with an accusing tongue. Oh, and a deep inpression on the Sunny's butt.


passer-by:

Aiyah, should have bought the license plate number for 4D, heng heng come out consolation le!


Looking back, I do realise a few things. Perhaps the most defining would be the difference between manual and auto transmission.

Driving manual transmission is liken to a DSLR camera, as auto transmission is to a Point-and-Shoot camera. Many attest to their linear-geared cars as being the ideal form of transmission. I beg to differ.

These drivers are like your everyday camera users who do not have much of a concept of how aperture, shutter speed and iso co-exist. You just need something that serve a very basic function, to take pictures for information collection. So your auto car is just that, packaged like a point and shoot camera and nothing more. Why? because you do not know what else to do if there is anything more complex.

Manual drivers on the other hand are like SLR camera users. We know what we want, the nitty bitty gritty details. We know how to achieve that depth of field to capture the key feature, to manipulate the exposure to give the desired mood. Likewise we drivers know to use 1st gear to pick up quickly and then climb appropriately to 5th gear to cruise at minimum input for maximum output, at the smoothest transition. Running 80km/h with the engine growling at something like 3rd gear is a joke. Told by my rented auto car by the way.

Renting that car justifies my claim, simply bcoz i have experienced both transmission. The comparision threw stark contrast between the two. Other than the greater ease in jams for auto cars, you guys are just kids in an amusement park driving your bumper cars.

So... quit telling me auto rocks, when it's actually you... erm.. act like a vacuum cleaner.

PS: pls pardon my apparently blunt words, coz I have classmates chanting auto trans like some saviour. Nerve grinding no less. So.. haha.. sorry if anyone is offended. Bob is still lovely afterall.

bob

From bumped to bumper

The highway ablazed with zipping headlights. Transport of various makes and models were on their pilgrimage to a higher calling; home. Just like the rest, I too embarked on this journey to send my girlfriend home.

What can go wrong on this perfectly normal weekday night?



ANYTHING



Someone jams his brake. In front of me.

At 80 to 90 km/h, i literally floored the brakepad to prevent a collision.
At that split second, A thought came to mind... Would the car following behind me react likewise? Before my thought sentence could complete, the rear vehicle slammed into my car.

Bullet-time;
My girlfriend screams and covers her face, presumably is a girl's natural reaction. I simply braced myself, slammed the brakes and witnessed the collision process.

A loud bang.

Things within the car were flunged out of place. My spectacles literally took flight from my face and landed in the rear seats area. Watching how the boot of the mazda crumpled in front of me took me by surprise. Then it dawned upon me... what about mine?

I alighted to a sea of chaos. Other cars' passengers had alight to do damage accessment, at the same time looking out for someone to shoulder the blame. Contacts were exchanged, and some kind passer-bys stopped over and offered to help. One guy assisted by taking down the required information for such an accident and he also gave advice on how to proceed on from there. How nice.

Then an automotive workshop namecard touched my hands.

THEN A BUNCH OF THEM APPEARED FROM NOWHERE TO HELP THE REST OF THE VICTIMS.

A complete package from car towing, to repair, to insurance claim, medical claim and finally to car rental. Not a single cent needs to leave my pocket for this offer. How amazing, everything is arranged. Right down to the car that was supposed to be rented to me, was already in the car workshop! Wow wow..

I was kinda skeptical so I hesitated and delayed for time while taking advice from my half asleep dad. Advice was given and appropriate actions followed. Then during this short stint of composure, when things are settling down, something just had to break it.

The sight of my boot.

Badly compressed in with the internal frame exposed. The car behind me must have relied on my brakes to stop both our cars. Okay, me bad, my brakes is only sufficient for 1 car. So i had to share the load with the car in front because too much of a good thing would make me fat.

A total of 4 cars, me being the 2nd. But apparently I'm the most badly damaged of the lot. But then again, the 3rd car suffered several casualties, slightly crushed bonnet and a shattered windscreen. Oh well. Nothing's too joyous about winning in this league.

Traffic folks in blue arrived shortly, took some photos and conducted a on site investigation. They suspected foul play but no evidence. Routine.

The agent persisted. So after several discussion sessions, i finally relented to his sales pitch. Anyway he has everything prepared. Well.. might as well. Under his pre-arrangements,

Shortly after that, i was off zipping ard within an hour in my new rented car. $100 bucks a day for a very new car, Lancer~ The ah beng within me screamed for joy. Sadly joy was short-lived. After that had to top up petrol. and go down to tts gov hospital, etc etc.

After all that was required, i could finally hit the sack at 6am. Yeah man, no worries. Only to be woken up to my parents' interrogation.

Some parting shots.. (i'm concussing already)





bob

Of ham and onion sandwich...


Pack me a message of love
Sealed with dreams fulfilled
Nothing less, nothing more
Love of me, love of you


Zarah.



Of forgotten friend...

i'm so glad i saw you again.
i'm so touched when you called me by name
i thought i would never see
this day, this friend, would set me free.

Thank you.



Of faith, in God

A little imperfection taints my mortal soul
A little skin covers my hidden cold
A little touch upon Your beaded hem
A little glance upon my frozen hands

I'm still holding on.



Of Goals and trophy

I saved myself a dream
Of me walking the clouds
dancing, prancing, wherever i deem
Trusting these steps, without a doubt.

Without my fears.

can you hear the whispers that call out from the midst of the storm?
the murmur mixed rumble that echoed from the depth of the hurricane.
yea, i heard them calling me by name, dragging me by hand.
yea, prompted from the depth. i was stirred, shaken, flung and bent.

so fly boy fly, along side the dilapidated roof
smile as the rain cuts through your sunken cheeks
mix a replusive cocktail of rain, blood and a drop of tear
to toast my maiden flight, without wings, without fear

then...
one day when i would wake to find
grateful, that I have wings to fly



disclaimer: i'm not suicidal or going bonkas, just doing some wordplay.

It is official, finally i've a legitimate reason to blog :)

I used to wonder.. am I wasting my time? By investing in where others don't encourage, or even bother. But after some sharing with my lecturer and peers, i was immensely enlightened by the art of blogging. Yes! An art form no less, and it is incredibily beneficial to the establishment of my career prospects ahead.


Bob, the copywriter.


Of course, blogging alone can only suffice to a certain extend. That's where advertising studies come into the picture to bridge the gap, connecting Bob to , the Copywriter.

That'a just 1 part of my dreams and planning for destination, destiny. Many are in the pipeline, but I just pick one out for elaboration. Of course, dreams are only dreams when untouched, worse off when incompleted. So, press on and perservere my dear bob~!

Ok, so that was my introduction. Time to move on to the main course.

Bob was out partying at Double O. Yes I know, Bob was out chionging away. Some clarifications here. It was a class outing to celebrate Gwen's, one of my classmate's birthday. I have kinda come to terms with partying at such places. I don't really think it's wrong to party, to let your hair down and groove to the music. ( i didnt really managed to groove, more of a twirling and a series of a side-stepping and unnatural jerks.) Just dont drink till u fall into a drunken stupor and behave in a boorish manner. You are your own big boy now, make your own decision, with wisdom no less. Other than that, enjoy.

In the midst of my groove attempts, i caught sight some familiar church faces in an environment I can't seem to associate together. Stunned expressions exchanged, followed by a hearty contact. It's obvious these guys are here to party, but apparently after a brief encounter in the loo later on, I learnt that their activity here is unknown to the church fraternity.

From those few minutes of sharing, I learnt a lot. The facade they wear in the church is only the surface, but apparently they felt that, who they actually are, is not "allowed". (Quotations intended to present their interpretation of their leader's word, and also the translation of the actual mandarin word used, "bu rang") Liken to an errant kid sneaking out while the parents snoozed.

As I've mentioned earlier, you are responsible for yourself. Know where you stand and explain to your leader. Let him/her know the intent. I mean, you are not there to drug and rape someone right? So let out, and I believe some form of mutual understanding can be reached. On top of that, I strongly reckon that little compromise is needed in this win-win situation.

Another issue I would like to raise is on reaching out. I'm an advocate for Christ, but I don't force it upon people. I mean, evangelists don't exist to hit figures but to impact lives. As for those who are impacted, dont come to church to be bitter and then backslide. What good is it then to add another anti-church on the streets? The church may let you down, but hey, where's the focus's supposed to be? Not on some random folks assigned to guide you, rather on the One that saved you~!

Alas, so many come and go. I have just learnt that my first leader have backslided. It is definitely stumbling to realise, especially when she was one of those founding pillars that contributed to the establishment of this community. What drove you on, good leader? What is it then, that drove you out?

So when people who have backslided told me they do so to take a break, it's like Huh?! I thought He has taken our yoke to give us rest?! Something's wrong here... Ministry folks, please, FOCUS. You serve because of His Love, not because of that cute girl that carries the offering buckets next to you.

Alrite, enuff ranting. Gotta move on to develop the other aspect of my career development. Graphic designing~

With these words i'll end...


What drives you on, should drive you up.

But, NOT the wall.


bob

Blog therapy in process.
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Tired and worn. But what can I say?

Been rushing my project till 4.30am this morning, followed by a rather intensive and extensive discussion with my lecturer with regards to the future of us designers. After that, i returned home for dinner and just when i thought i could get my well deserved rest, i was mistaken.

Someone called,
put me thru some rather distressing moments,
rendered me disturbed
and left sleepless.

Hmm.. Shit happens.

My heart hurts. Literally. Perhaps all that mental affliction generated a tangible level of electronic pulse to jolt my cardiac organ to reality.

Where art my fairytale world? Perhaps little red riding hood killed her granny, alice has some serious bout of hallucinations, and the three little pigs were experimenting with some unconventional system of air-conditioning? Alas, every dreamer has to be waken, else be issued a death certification.

Sigh...



Hey! don't close the lid, i'm still blogging!

bob

my travel log

I saw a patriot's pride
I saw a destitude's hand
I saw an open wound
with none to tend.

I saw a hardened heart
I saw a childhood lost
I saw smiling faces
behind those closed doors

I saw an orange aftertaste
I saw the women faces
I saw the daily papers
printed on even pages

My long awaited holiday beckons!

Okay... maybe I did not spend tat much time anticipating it. But in any case, it's a break and escape from this urbanised fishing village! looking forward to the life the vietnamese led, the nature that surrounds their habitat and the little beautifuls that decorate their lives.

Don't miss me too much people.
Hmm...
Too broad an audience. Bet many of you will never know i ever step foot outta this shores.

Don't miss me too much Zarah.
Hmm... again.
That's a kinda Duh statement. She almost had those chains and strap-jackets upon me.

Alritey. Everyone, miss me then. :)


i tink i've been stuffing myself way too much these past few daes. Been getting weird indigestive feeling in my tummy of late. As if i'm going for some survival training tmr. It's holidays my dear Bob!

okay. enuff of self entertainment. i forgot my intended agenda why i wanna blog todae. Sheeeetty... okay. 4 plus don't look too awesome to hit the sack, but better late then never~

Oh, btw, Lisa Ono is amazing! Do listen to her songs! just got mine frm gramaphone in parkway. Yummie! it almost soothed me to sleep while driving. Hah!

Feeling really...
Bob

blaring my brainwaves...



i've had a friend, a brother from the days of old. We were really close friends, brothers to a certain extend. When i first saw him, i told myself, i wanna be his friend. He was this blob of joy and laughter and friendly aura exudes from him.

A great friend i've had.

We went thru a series of life's stages and many of which strengthen our bond, but 1. i'll not bitch about what happened, but this unfortunate turn of event took away what i cherished a lot. This friendship we shared. it meant a lot to me. So damn much that i'll grieve over it. Till now when i try to patch things back, nothing's resolved. Many a times my efforts were wasted. The wall's thickening.. i feel like a fool chasing the wind.

And i'm still a chasing fool.

I'll not stop, it's me. When i was 9, i told a classmate that friends are precious and I'll not lose anyone of them. i'll never forget tat scene, that moment in time when i made a stand for my belief, until now.

stupid bob.

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i had a great gathering sometime back wif my army kakis. pple whom i've toiled with in tekong. thou not many turned up, it was still a meaningful event. Was great catching up with these folks. kinda hope we'll all end up doing reservist together.

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my friend recently broke up with her bf. the guy was all scholarly, wealthy and a head turner. Young and promising, but empty promises he was to her. I thought they would make it. alas.. bucks, books and looks does not ensure good character.

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Sorry if i offend anyone, but i feel tat there are some who are moulded to excel in their studies only. mayb it's society, but hey, we've got a brain of our own. So start tinking for urself. What do you forsee yourself doing upon graduation? Are the books you go thru now going to help with your future job, if so, how? You wont be doing examinations for a living for goodness sake.

i've got someone tat boast about his study credentials, doing accountancy in nus, talks about doing business and constantly looks me up and ask me about my plans in life.

Sorry if i seem a little cynical, but somehow i got this feeling that he's trying to blow his ego bubble by riding upon any praise i offered or by comparing his acadamic feats with mine. Get a life kiddo, i cant be bother to entertain u with lego blocks. If u wanna impress me, u shdnt have downgraded in army, and yet still able to do sports upon ord.

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i've been to quite a few bbqs, chalets n gatherings of late. some of which threatened my project submission. but i stuck to them still.

hah.. bob oh bob...

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thanks rx for ur comment. appreciate it a lot. not bcoz of the words u wrote.. but more of the fact tat u do care to read n leave a comment.

Ya a dear friend of mine. yup. in all sincerity.

alritey. the speakers are melting.

nitey folks.

Bob

shmily Zarah.

Time.
Much needed, much sought after, much deprieved.

Somehow everyone wants a bit of me. My schedules are often packed. My parents gotta make appointment to spend time with me. My girlfriends wants to spend eternity with me already and my friends are liken to the stars of the skies and sands on the shore. Like what Peter parker once said, with great power comes great responsibilties, and so i have a friend's responsibility of attending someone's wedding, whom i tot has been reduced to mere aquaintance.

my 3 weeks of school holidaes have just begun, but i am already booked all the way thru until school reopens. The little free days inbetween i've left are for so many misc events that have bcome weekly rituals.

Somehow it has gotten to me. i took to retail therapy for relief. i self-prescribed van houlten chocolates(it was on sale) for medication, which i gladly finish a week's dosage in a few hrs. i browsed shopping malls alone. i even contemplated dining in at one of those semi-formal restuarants alone. Feast upon some delicacies that i would never permit myself to sample but would gladly bless someone with. What transgression. The sheer thought speaks of the heart's desire, a sin commited in my mind. Alas, my budgetting does not allow such personal indulgence. The eventual outward expression never manifested.

Phew.

my work beckons, but my labour time shortens. Sad to say, little provision is made for the projects that would have direct/dire effect on me. i am courting certain death, if not, mental.

let not the day come when i need to make an appointment with myself, for myself.

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someone once share something with me, who decides whether if i am able to design? my invigilators? English, maths, science? who decides if I am able to be a leader one day? my educational qualifications?

This someone is a classmate of mine.

A school dropout at sec 3. had no choice but to be sent to Aussie to resume his education. Got his A levels there, came back to pursue his diploma at a private education centre that was flocked with rich chinese brats, and lousy lecturers that played video tutorials for lectures.

He is, in my opinion, one of the best designers in my class. Currently working freelance. Starting his design firm by the end of this year. produces amazing project works.

And yet, by local context, he is a failure sieved out by our education system.


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time for a shower..

cheers
Bob

LTC David.

The CO tat I marched in the marching contingent during his COC to School 1 in Nov 2003, n finally.. now.. as a former subordinate, i've graced his COC out of this place. A defining moment and a memorable event forever etched in my mind. i'm not army siao.. just people oriented. i love it when i play a part in the finer moments of people's life. being there for my CO was perhaps one such event.

reminiscencing the bus route to SFT.. the RP at the gate.. the SFT snack shop.. the "fast"craft.. the path trodded.. the office.. the toilet.. the familiar faces.. i could almost see images carved upon those walls.. drawings that depicted my journey in camp. the many places i've been to.. the various tasks i shouldered. i realised tat the toilet was a place of refuge back then.. when i was so depressed n wore.. a trip to the toilet, at my usual corner urinal, gazing at the toilet ettiq art upon the wall, doing what i came to do... relieved me in a way more than one.

finally~ the warrents are lovely people once again. perhaps it was the bar that i once decked upon my shoulder. the icon of pride n much resent from others. i love the way vennu welcomed us.. punniya.. lee.. msgs n staffs.. all.. lovelified.. i could almost see the sincerity in warrent lee's eyes when he spoke to me... perhaps the Christ brought us a little closer than work would have? haha.. perhaps..

i was a warrent's recruit, and a officer's cadet. my heritage :)

then there were the mortified officers.. many rose in rank.. i'm glad.. these were amazing people that fought many good diplomatic battles. cpt damien, foo, lta ghim, yazid.. col ishak, ltc david n maj effendy.. my salute to you.


Finally.. a shot for keepsake. :)

former ATO and DyMPO (me)

we kenna abandoned ship by Kelvin n Pengfeng(with the wierd accent that CO uses) haha.

Coastal road, anyone? :)

feeling really..
bob