i just re-lived the days of my OCS training.

was watching the video that was compiled by some kind souls to help me capture my training days. Wow.. i survived it. Now, i'm missing it. What irony. Then i was condemming the route i chose and now i'm like appreciating what has passed.

But of coz, training alone would be torturous, if not meaningless. My OCS mates gave meaning and purpose for everyday i survived. to suffer together is perhaps the greatest bonding sessions i ever had.

Then and now, people have moved on, lives have changed. I wonder how's everyone doing...


Casting careless thoughts to the wind
These men in green, those lives we lived
Stalking slowly my mind to think
These longing hearts, those dreams believed

So pack me up to flow as thee
A fleeting thought, a passing wind
Surely somehow i'll live to see
my careless thoughts, all redeemed

Weijian
030606

i'm back.

I never left actually, i just did not blog.

Basically i just got back from Msia for a short getaway over the weekend. It was pretty awesome. Ran away with my closest group of friends, the Supper Gang. We met up with one of our gangies who has kinda moved over to Msia to work as a hair salon boss (it was his dad who started it.) We linked up at JB city Sq, n then proceeded to our place of accomodation. Drop the bags, the gals and a sleepy boy, we went on to play overnight - after breakfast dota. Madness. The breakfast break was welcoming thou. Authentic Msia breakfast... tried a lot of pratas, mutton curry rice n murtabak. Superb. 6 guys tucking into every plate that land. Before we knew it, we were back to slaying one another.

Transport came in the late morning. Packing we semi-conscious guys into the back, we proceeded back to the salon for our hair adventure. There i got this lovely hue of brown for my fine crown. Got this vibrant color i love. Best thing was, the salon gal that did my hair was cute. Haha. Nope that was 2nd best. Best was having my gal ard for the whole trip. lovely companionship.

We kinda munch at the neighbouring restaurant for lunch. I had mutton curry n my dear had grilled fish. Yummy i would say. After that we had a ripped off pre-dinner. Rojak that didnt quite turn out rite and a plate of mee goreng that turned out to be maggie mee dry with a sunny side egg. Oh, language wasnt an issue btw. They spoke english and we had a point of reference from some other patrons for better clarity in communication. Alas, mee goreng comes in 1 form too many.

Basically the whole trip was fun. Lotsa excellent bonding with them and rebuilding of lost friendship. Best thing was having my gal as my support when things didnt quite turn out rite. Serious.... i never knew i love n need her so much... Reminded me of the good ole days in OCS when she would lend a listening ear to this cadet who would grumble till he hits the sack, leaving this lovely gal hanging on the phone. hehe... appreciate u for everything dear. This trip has strengthened our love and helped us develop better understanding of each other.

i still wanna talk abt my...
work
band
Emerge
wat nots...

but i'm toooooo tired.. gotta grab wad ever remaining sleeping moments i can.

but then again...

Ok Summary.

Work = My creative department remaining strength of 3 has dwindled to 1, yours truly. Am gonna miss those lovely ladies...
Band = we are going places!! our songs are coming up, we got the full band again, we sourced for home jamming equipments, and i'm learning to use my bass effects better~!
Emerge = While i was complaining about losing my seat on the bus that would bring me home, i took the mrt. Guess wad? i met my dear frens Kun n Jan n we had a great time together. i even got to knoe kun's SOT classmate. Awesome fella. He's from PNG. Amazing guy.

Ok. any more details just hunt me down.

I just might let out.

Hehe

Bob

i'm back!

This is the day that the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it!

It sure do have some kinda therapeutic effect on me. Feels comforted that the Almighty one is in control of everything.

I'm like trying to spend more time with the people around me, esp my cell members. It's like i've been with many of them for more than a year, but i never really knew them on a personal basis until recently.

It's revelating, but at the same time disturbing.

Disturbing, because we were members for so long and yet I never really knew what were their main concerns in life. The things that bothered them the most, and the thing they hold close to their hearts. Life and it's issues it's not just about cell or svc attendance, but the lives they actually lived. I wanna show them that i care, that i'm not just that guitarist that sits next to the cell leader during meetings or the one who abandons cell for girlfriend. i wanna be a good bro to these people.

So there i was, plowing through the blogs you people typed and experiencing the very thoughts expressed online. Interesting..

------------------------------------------------------------

My girlfriend is amazingly in love with me. So much so that I feel bad. Afraid i might not be able to reciprocate the love she gave. Because of my unbelievable schedules and goals.. more often than not, she gotta take a back seat. I hope to love her back the same. i hope to do what i'm doing now, and more. Dear God, please expand my capacity!

------------------------------------------------------------

Spectator
Bob

What a gathering!

One of the grandest and perhaps final HQ cohesion for me and my former colleagues at BMTC 1.

Time flies, soldiers ORD, life goes on...

Finally, the last of HQ cohesion I will ever attend. My former NSf colleagues and peers have already left or are in the midst of clearing their annual leaves. The regulars are pending posting out or are ceasing service within this few months. The very people that made national svc memorable, are packing my memories along with them.

Something peculiar though, the person who used to F#$%^& me with vocab i never knew, in front of all my peers, superiors, subordinates, recruits and even external contractors, to the extend that even the warrant officer corps expressed concern over this young 2LT; this very person actually came up and joked with me, wanting my name card and was all smiles. A warmth kinda seeped through my body, i smiled back, sincerely.

There are people who are made to serve the nation. Their strength lies in their innate abilities to manipulate people at will, by love or by force, to achieve the goals that's for the overall good of the army. Often seen as slave drivers by the subs, these are the very people we need to mobilise(note: not motivate) the inert men in green.

i kinda respected and hated him then.. But now, it kinda struck me that he was who he was because of his appointment, the devil in the people management hierarchy, the 2nd-in-Command. My PS was an ass when i was a recruit, my APC was a slave driver in OCS, my Sch 2IC, this multi-faceted soldier, was a well... monster, IMHO.

I am glad I've moved on, but i look forward to seeing these people again, someday perhaps, at some informal gathering when fear is not what that brings us together, but brotherly love.

Loving the men in green
Weijian

Passing thoughts: Limit Break

Ther are times when a soldier can only fight so far. The raining shells and ballistics are no longer a cause for concern. Perhaps a stray bullet to the shin would give him a much needed rest. A triggered landmine might just jolt his senses together, and cast thoughts on the cause for this battle. Let him bite your bullet, so he can excuse himself legitimately from his call of duty and relinquish responsibilities he wonders why he shouldered.

fight on little soldier, the war awaits your grand entry and glorious end.

Bob

Dear Blog,

i miss my army days. I miss wearing the green and crossing the hills and valleys. I miss the idellic moment cooking combat rations with my comrades. I miss doning on my FBO, dusting the bar upon my shoulder, shagging out with my buddies on the mountain ridges. I miss chatting with my guys at my little corner outside mpo's office. Soldiers after soldiers would just take the opportunity to sit next to me to confide or gossip. ( i don't gossip, i just lend them a listening ear :P) I miss those special moments that made me proud of what I've achieved and what I do. I miss a lot of people who made my days a little sweeter, a little more memorable.

Shucks. the side effects of looking thru my army certificates are taking their toll. should have taken it in moderation. Alas.. what can i say... Soldiers never grow old and frail, they fight till they die.

Pride la.. tsk tsk.

My dear HQ folks are ording already... but i missed Ho's ORD function.. shucks. Work beckons. Never mind, my understudy's ORD shd b coming. Hope there's some event organised or something. :P

Life is great. I hope to make the most of it. I hope to remain friends with all that I know and love. I hope everyday stretches to 48hrs. i dont mind working a little longer, so long as I got more time for everything in life.

Birthday was great. It came and left, and made me official a yr older.

23 and growing. Younger i hope.

Come on, let's start sch and my campus tour~! ex classmates and army mates, wait up for your friendly Dy to drop by for lunch~! :)

Ageing gracefully :)
Weijian

Dear Blog,

Finally I am back blogging a little.

Life has been pretty good. Living out the next phase of my life, the working life.

This is perhaps the longest and the very key phase that makes or breaks a person in today's society. Am pretty adpated to it so far, in fact I am loving it. It gives me financial freedom, taking control of my schedules and it is the platform for me to materialize my dreams.

Currently I am a web designer, full time, a freelance flash animation banner designer, a bassist, song writer for Boonbag. With work comes financial stability, an income to bring many things to past. It's good. Am also learning to save up. :) Future beckons.

Then there's the physical aspect, weighting a bit everyday to refine my body contours, trying to run, aiming for New Paper Big Walk first, then AHM and finally Stand Chart Run. Getting my Asics trainers and a fitness fanatic close fren, Melvin Wong, to inspire n aid me for my training. Btw he's team just won the recent Biathalon at Sentosa. Creditable, definitely. Been dropping by Sentosa every monce in a while to relax wif my gal too..

Then studies to follow suit in July, time of upgrading and to push my band to another level. Awesome.. Another part of me really wants to get back to Children Church. Really.. wanted to go back to help for PA, unfortunately something else crops up.. Sigh..

Relationship wif my gal going on to another level. Really grateful for it. Hopefully we'll last. Well, not just last, but to enjoy every moment of it.

Alritey, just a bit of sharing.

Enjoy.

Weijian

My euphoric highs.

No they're not eastasy, ice or any form of prohibited drugs. But my passions.

Music is one of them. I can play my bass until i could feel my blood rushing up to my head.. my breaths becoming shorter.. as I run thru my favourite riffs. Or as I listen intendly to the pulse and rhythm of good alternative/emo rock bands, the bass and lead guitar running the lows and highs.. elevates me to another dimension that sets my mind free from the cares of the world, making me oblivion to my surroundings. Or when I play my acoustic guitar. Amazing. Not so much of my skills, rather it's the effect of the vibration of all the six strings together in harmony.

Another would be urban assaulting. No, it's not some kinda civil warfare, rather a form of cycling that requires a bit of jumping. I love to bunny hop. I love it when a bunch of advanced cyclists congregate together and paint the town red as we ride thru the pavements and roads alike.

Taking part in army exercises is cool too. Taking the rifle, running around with your peers. And constantly on the lookout for role-play aggressors. Awesome.

Oh well, those were the days gone by. ORDing is definitely a milestone in my life. Leaving behind much sufferings as well as many cherished moments. Shitting by the road wif my bmt buddy, climbing up the mountain ranges of taiwan in OCs, and playing a fool with my fella officer, ah loong in bmt. Ahh..... I have arrived, NSmen for good :)

Work is great, leaving me with much to look forward to and constantly seeking for more challenges ahead. Love it. All thanks to Uncle Das who trained me up for times such as this. Perhaps the only thing I appreciate him for. :P

ooh, i'm drifting off-track.

Ok.. basically that's it.

I love my family, my gal, my relatives and all my friends. Oh of coz God too :)

Love you all to bits.

Living for you all.

Cheers
Bob

What a day...

Started the day meeting up my poly friend for some work discussion, got on to work from 10 to 2. While i was working, the radio tuned to class 90fm kept me company, belting out oldies upon oldies. Then came the public announcement of road closures around town area due to the funeral of Mr. S. Rajaratnam.

This name has always been rather alien to name. Never really knew who he was or what he did. Perhaps he was just another Singaporean.

But I was wrong.

He's not just another Singaporean, he is a nation shaker, and maker. He helped mould Singapore into what it is today. He manifested what he envisioned, a country of racial and religious harmony. Something I'm really grateful for.

His passing brought light to the national pledge, something we all have been reciting over and over again, and yet never really grasp the essence of it.

So there i was, overwhelmed with immerse respect towards him, that I decided to bid him farewell on his final journey at the Esplanade. Kinda dragged my gal along with me coz we had an appointment prior to this impromtu decision. There we were, outside the entrance to the Esplanade, waiting for the casket to exit and proceed to the crematorium. Just as I thought everyone present would be solumn and griefed, but I was wrong, yet again. A bunch of ah bengs and ah lians were loitering around, making a lot of noise and effective turned nuisance to the public in general. Several people(me included) that we took turns to stare at them. Perhaps they felt the intensity and disgust that we harboured towards them that they proceeded to relocate. As they wandered around, they enroute a path next to mine. My gal was extremely pegx by them that she cast a stare at them. The guy(beng wannabe it seems) stared at her. But while he cast his glare upon her, a highly perturbed and irritated me was laser beaming him. YES! STUPID IGNORANT TWIT STARED AT MY GAL AND AT THE SAME TIME SHOWED NO RESPECT FOR THE FINAL MOMENTS OF A NATIONAL PATRIOT!

Oh.... pardon my outburst...

So there he was, glancing elsewhere upon visual contact with someone who towers a head over him.

Well, he was not the only fool ard, another bunch of hooligans were strutting along the road when one of them, started to pass a totally brainless message to his peers.. "Eh later take note of the casket's car licence plate number to buy 4D" (pls note, this is not replicated word for word as this typical beng spoke in a mixture of languages and was poorly structured. )

To this beng, pls note:

Pls dun act linguist and mimic Yoda's word structuring techniques. He's alien, are you? If you were in army and I am your officer, i'll make you sign all your weekends to the guard house and a stay in detention barrack for a short getaway. How's that for a wake up call?

Thank God this irritants were distant when the casket exited from Esplanade. At this point, it suddenly poured. IS THAT AMAZING OR WHAT!? but as the casket passed us, the rained moved on along with it so much so that we could see a wall of rain some metres away from us, moving along with the casket. a phenomenon no doubt, perhaps God is moved by his deeds? Maybe..

The casket moved on substantially and I felt that I was not going to have any last glimpse whatsoever, that i gave a salute. Yes, to someone who truly deserves it.

Goodbye Mr Rajaratnam, you will be remembered.

Anyway our next schedule on our itinerary says church seminar, something I was rather excited to attend, but due to some unforseen circumstances that this plan was aborted. Instead I was activated for a Charlie Mike to resolve a problem at hand that nearly got me flipping several times over. Yes, thank God for the patience that it was settled amicably, but we missed the seminar. Darn, so there we were strolling around, spending some time together that we went to check out some skates, a hobby resolution that was due last year. There K2 was having some big sale and i caught sight of an aggressive skate going for 50% off. Wow.. i tried it and fell in love immediately. Needless to say, i fell prey to it's lure and placed a deposit for it. Yes, i'm gonna be an aggressive skater, doing grinds here and there. Wow... so cool eh? Next thing i need is a pouch to bring to the beach and babes will trail my tracks to hunt me down.(Yeah rite)

Ended the day with an excellent cooking by my dear and it was a hearty meal that got me really satisfied and fulfilled. Ahh... lovely... Japanese curry rice anyone?

Nevermind i missed today's seminar, tomorrow's gonna be better!

Dear God! a Word from Heaven pls!

Agape
Bob

Finally.. i'm making that additional, extra, over-the-mountain of an effort to populate my blog.


Dear Blog, How are you?

It's been a while since i last wrote in. Maybe coz i'm no longer in army, therefore much of the sufferings i harboured then, no longer exist. Definitely it's something to be grateful for, but then again, what now to motivate my blogger's pen?

Blogging is good. Helps me to keep track of my language skills, such as articulation and diction of words, and also generates much thought processes. Something that is in dire need of help, given my working environment is degenerative to my vocab and communication skills.

But on the flip side, my mandarin and Cantonese is improving by leaps and bounds. Ah... for that personal touch....

Just some updates on past happenings...

Met up my cousin for a makan before his flight to Melbourne to complete his studies. Had Billy bombers for late lunch and did a lot of catching up. Man.. i'm gonna miss him. Bought him a bag as a send off gift. Glad he likes it a lot. He is a typical guai lan spec, but for a good cause. He may not like officers like i would want him to, but i support him in his cause, esp when officers there are bringing shame to the officer corps. Freak, they cheapen my black bars.

Helped organized a farewell makan for some of my OCS buddies and my best buddy, Weiyang. Held it at Marche. Lovely place, brotherly gang with a few attachments, ie, Issac's hot babe (Weiyang was experiencing some kind of withdrawal symptom when exposed to her) and Trey's late-coming queen. Glad to see everyone going on fine and getting on with their life, except for one regular. Oh well, press on my dear LTC-to-be ah da. :) supporting you all the way.

Went to send Yang off on the 13th Feb, really wanted to give him a mighty hug, alas, there were too many people encamping around his vincity that I could only gather whatever glances stealable from him. There I made friend with his childhood friend, his mom, his dad, and re-united with a band senior from my SAS days. Lovely.

14th Feb came. Ain't this just another day on the calendar? NOOOOOOOOO, highly mistaken one, it is the much *dreaded day for the united and isolated. Why??? Coz the attached guy gotta burst his wallet to purchase exorbitantly priced floras, uniquely stitched cotton balls and processed cocoas. As for the oh so lonely souls, it's the day to hibernate in some secluded corners and don't blame others for your state, but reflect upon yourself what shortcomings that you've been embracing like a totem that wards off gals and spirits alike. There must be a reason why other gals choose to suffer the same fate than to take on one that's worst off, being with you.

*Clause intended: dreaded
Only the genetically expressed masculine organism are exposed to this state of torment. The other-half reap what we sow.

Anyway i stayed up to prep some flowers for my office ladies. Surprised the whole office the next day and got death threats from neighbouring offices if I fail to replicate this effect on them. Too bad la. Blame it on your guys who are too nonchalant to do anything about that day la. If want, come join my office la.

Yes, i started the date with an almost volcanic eruption equvilant of an argument(ha, and I tot i could have averted the expenses ahead) YES. It was all my fault. For making that extra effort, running across SG, just to get some roses for my baby. As a result i was late, albeit the panting and perspiration oozing out of my pores. But the day was great, makaning at some dim sum restuarant. What an interesting Vday meal.

Ok so i am not going to NTU to study anymore. 4 yrs is simply nuts to be studying for soooo long. I wanna do a lot of stuffs so cant afford to spend those years babe watching and dragon boating away. My dreams, passions and companies await my actions.

Had a combined zone level cell group meeting last week. Was great catching up with ex members, and I really enjoyed myself there. Guess what? i was appointed to sing in the choir as well. Lovely. Had a chance to join dear Marcus, Rouxin and Melvin on stage. My beloveds. Then there was this incident when this sister was simply closing in on me so much that I had no place to stand but with one foot upstep and one foot downstep. Now imagine how i stood and jumped like tat for almost an hour. Shagged. But she's forgiven coz she's quite chio. Maybe she was just trying to get to know me indirectly eh? Opps.. my gal's gonna flip at this.

Been training up a lot of late. Coz of the visible fats accumulating at all the prominent locations. Darn. "You put on weight" seems to be the next most common words after "hi". Thank you for all that motivating statements, i'll change to make you say something more edifying.

Okidoki, i'm literally verbal vomitting here. Enuff said.

thanks Mr Blog for the outlet to express myself.

I'll catch up with you again soon.

Cheers
Bob

Strange...

I am getting prompted to write my blog~!

Oh well, guess I have been on a long blogless vacation eh? Perhaps I no longer wanna share my thoughts? Ney.. more of the reluctance to type after a long day's work. My office dun even allow me to surf the net. Yucky...

Some updates after sooooooo long. Actually I've done quite a fair bit during the month of Dec last year, band performances, gatherings, organised events... etc. But am too lazy to type it all out. So erm.. do prompt me if you really wanna know. Of course I will be most willing to share it. Verbally.

Anyway right now i am working as a junior web designer, at a huge company that specializes in beauty products and services. Last sat we had our staff dinner n dance event. Fortunate me has only been wif the company for only 2 weeks and I am part of the recipient group of this benefit. It was held at The Legend on Fort Canning. Seating was given on a random basis and i was fortunate enuff to be placed with some of the finest beauticians of my company (my gf better not read this :P) on the same table.

So lo and behold came the drag queen contest, and I being the only young and sporting guy on the table, got "volunteered" to represent the yellow table. It was quite an experience to have so many girls fussing over me in their desperate attempt to convert me to their sisterhood. Yes, my male ego got trashed somewhere when I was made to strut the feline stuff. YEW..... at least the boss, was understanding enough, blessed us all with $50 bucks each for our courageous efforts. On top of that, I won for myself a rice cooker which i gave to my gal's mom, and I got a lovely shirt that cost more than SGD$80 for my contribution to the stage production of some chinese folktale. Me who? Just a hooligan who beat up wu da lang and got bashed by wu song. So all in all I got about $200 worth of prizes n cash on that day, made new friends and got recognition by all the spa gals. Caught a few spying at me. haha.. too bad gals, I'm taken. :)

Not bad for a 2 week old staff still on probation eh?

Recently, I realized i am getting more image conscious as the time passes by. Now i am trying to train up to improve my built, buying new clothes to match my style, looking at branded products, thinking of doing facial... i even have a ear stud to give that metro feel~!

Man.. hope i am not getting too superficial here. In my heart i will alwaise embrace the simpler things in life, the joy that the world can never give, and the appreciation of what matters the most. The leaning on my mom on our way to work on board the bus, the wise cracks i exchange with my dad, the hugs my dear covers me with when we meet, the smiles exchanged along with kind gestures from strangers and the friendship that held me up thru the years. I appreciate all these more than the high life and material pursues.

Money is good, but let us not fall slaves to it. No matter how good money is, it will never bring me back my bro.

Are you driven by money or passion? Think about it.

Bob

Today's kinda bad. Weather only added to my turmoil.

Sometimes gals will never realise how much their guys are sacrificing for them. Yeah.. my dad n I just got into a heated arguement today, guess what? On me wanting to bike, taking the car too much, and doing the unnecessary. Unnecessary equates to bringing my gal back home then drive her home n then to U-turn to my home. Shucks, I'm probably never gonna pick up the car keys again anytime soon. Oh well.. then again I may never need it again. Guess I really broke his heart esp when he mentioned about my late bro..

Dad, i've never meant it. Coz I really do care for you.

Wanted to share this with my one and only.. but then, hey.. i've just let her in to some news earlier and she cant take it, wanting some time off.. how am i gonna share this with her esp if she's mentioned in the debate? Shit man.. that's some excellent fuel for flames of a woman's wrath.

Oh well... images of her filling up my mind, but to no avail. Coz it doesnt matter to her anymore. It's just a lope-sided phenomenon, that's never meant to happen.

Anyway I've had a prayer meeting with my band. Well, at least that was much better. Rather encouraged by the session. It's really a testimony of how much we need to rely on God when times are bad. Even prayed for the relationship to pull thru. So Bob.. hold on in Faith!

Well well.. time to hit the sack. Gotta work tmr.. dun wanna fall asleep again like the other time. Web Designer Bob, be focused.

Bob

Happy New Year!

Never mind i'm a bit late, but still it's a good start. Let's do a bit of recap from last month...

30th Nov:
Performance for ISS international School.

3rd - 7 th Dec:
Holiday in Australia

9th Dec:
Manpower BBQ!

10th Dec:
Performance cum event management at *Scape Orchard

14th - 15th Dec:
"Braddell Reunite '05! 10 Years On..." Primary School Gathering

17th Dec:
Xmas Cell group~!

20th Dec:
Xmas Performance for a drug Rehab Centre

22nd Dec:
Commencement of Graphic Freelance project

29th Dec:
Saints Alumni Band Sentosa gathering

31st Dec:
Final performance at Ang Mo Kio POSB Branch Opening.
Thanks giving cell group
count Down

The above-mentioned are the major highlights of my days after ORD~! Yeah~ Oh coz the days in between are spent practising my bass, meeting girlfriend, working on my various projects, etc etc. Been extremely fruitful with the final month of Dec. Yeah~! ended 2005 well, and now looking at greater things in 2006~!

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Some of my plans for 2006:

Lose weight/train up
Get to know God in a more real way
Build a stronger relationship with my gal
design more
Perform overseas with my band!
take part in baybeats / sonicfest
Slowly change my wardrobe/fashion
start my business planning

2006, gambette~!
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I miss my army friends..On new year's eve i recieved a sms from one of my good friends in camp, ah Giam. Was pleasantly surprised coz i never expected to receive any sms from him after i've left. To me, that's the best NYE's sms greeting i have received~~! Yeah man.. of course my upperstudy's one was great too~ :)

Anyway to all you who have ORDed, quickly get a job~ dun slack around.. SAF no longer supports us already.

To those who have yet to turn Civilian, enjoy yourself in camp, enjoy the company you get from the people there,, As for the shit that comes tumbling down from above, try to make the best out of it; fertilize a plant for example. Esp those who have minimal growth for their crowning dis-glory.

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Alritey, i'll try to include some shots in later posts. hehe... tataz..

Bob

heavy hearted
i pondered at the ripples of your tears
why the distress?
when the sun always shine from behind of you

The facadely smiles
tainted your complexion with a fear
the hidden sobs
disguised by the silhouette of your frame

you can't go on like how you used to
the pillar you were to so many
is finally cracking and trembling
one day, just crash down to wake the callous ones

the steel beams that held your body together
the trusty pats from the contractors
the ones who claim to give but take
the termites that wretched your nerves

so come fall on us all
to wake the oblivious senses we harboured
to think you are a god
an angel without wings

when you have collapsed, crumbling to bits
let the obtused minds see
the shattered fragments that held you up
smashing on their shades, their blocked-up heads

had a dream
was dreaming of you
sweet it seemed

shared a drink
looked unto your eyes
my heart sings

How lovely
is my dream of you
my baby

so i slept
to linger with you
a little longer

cause nothing else matters
cause everything else falters

except this love for you

weijian
13/12/05

It's already 3.30am. Just came back from a gathering at Clark Quay with my army frens. It's Jason's birthday and he invited me down to his bday gathering.. wow.. it's the 2nd bday i've celebrated with him so far liao... Cool..

Anyway basically I've had a great time talking and spending time with them all. Great to know that they miss me too... seems like the chair next to where i formerly sat aint so desirable anymore. Heyhey.. gentlemen... pls built a rapport with the new Dy.. :) One thing about drinking is tat it makes people less conscious about themselves and are more expressive. then i got to know that there's another guy who has only saluted 2 officers in his army life so far.. one is his own DyL, the other is me.. hahaha.. and i when i left.. i returned so many salute that i felt so paiseh.. it's a ktv pub, not something too military or formal...

Alrite.. in a few hours time i'll be flying off to Down under... hopefully i'll not suffer too much of a hangover.. (i hardly drank btw..) and have a great time there... lovely place... 3rd trip there in my lifetime so far...

So you guys pls take care and i'll miss you all a lot.. esp my deary baby... LOVE YOU!

Cheers
Bob

I've been appointed as a CO.

Civilian Officially. :)

There's so much i wanna start but do not know where to begin. Let's expedite on it in it's sequence of occurance.

Clearance:

I had always harboured a cartload of shudders and dreads whenever it comes to interaction with my Log Officer. Pre-conceived mindsets of PSOs as cannibals (Dys as consumables) set me off in the wrong footing and subsequent clashes with him burnt all possible leaves for our relationship to turn over. Many a time he would confront me with computer matters as it is an ambiguious area, whose it's nature being a "sai kang *(shit hole) " left behind by my upper-upperstudy. Thus I'm pretty much faced with a wall that grew taller with every passing month. All records seem lost or mysteriously consumed by some extra-terrrestrial being who drop by our office every nite to feast on classified docs.

Finally interaction seemed imminent. My clearance form demanded for his signature. OH man.. i hesitated and contemplated getting his Dy (Issac) signature. What's a Dy for man? To help folks like me to keep a distance from my fear. Kinda inclined towards tat but alas, my fellow ORDing officers dragged me along to hunt for LogO.

There we were, standing before his table. LogO quickly settled some of his matters before attending to us. My gut instinct proved right, he begun with a lot of sharing (log o's style) before speaking to the individual with his own personal comments. There i stood in trepidation(fear), expecting a pail of shit to clear before I could gain his signature, but I was so wrong.

He praised me for me effort, for the kind of worker I have been. He encouraged me and made me feel appreciated. Admitted to his incesant nagging, I was at a lost, stunned but definitely touched. He finally ended with, "I hope we can remain as friends and come out for coffee some day."

Everyone laughed. Chun onn n Dzar still witnessed this moment.. felt so paiseh.. then one of them said, "he's blushing"

Shucks man.. felt like crying. Think i'm shy meh?

something that everyone don't know. Only my gal. The reason why I kept helping logO is because of the Bible that he places on the table. I kept telling myself that he is my "brother" that's why I wanna help him so much. Also DyLog is another of common faith, therefore I was so determine to help them.

Oh my Log experience....

I love all of you! From the guys at Log branch to the guys at FS branch. From A coy to Z coy... There's so much I wanted to say and thank... but dumb me had an appt so early~! shitty la... left like that.. kinda hate myself for that. Jason was rite la. Shd stay. :P

Missing you..

MPO

My MPO is my man. He's the very reason why the DyMPO's appt exists, to assist him.

Bet no one actually knew.. I've almost caused him to lose his job. But he's pretty cool about it, and he really impacted me in this sense. He was still so calm when he told me he could lose his job over this small matter. his patience and cool-headedness is unbelievable. Anyway I happy that he finally got posted to a unit that's so much nearer to his home and place is pretty much stable.

Finally after so many months, i felt liberated enough to speak to him like an uncle to me. I finally felt less constraint and opened up to him even more. how i wished we had this kind of relationship right from the start. IT would be awesome. I'm gonna miss you and the whole MP branch. All of you... esp jeff for staying back late with me when i needed help... for those coffee you've help me to make, for the biscuit treats.. for the outings to Zacom... for the canteen breaks you helped me get.. i miss jason for walking with me to court marsh. I miss listening to him.. i miss bai... i miss his sharing of thoughts.. i miss ah lao... i miss seeing him on the chair next to me with his... "sian ah" i miss the long journey home with pengfeng.. the crap i've shared with him... i miss Chief's nagging... though a little potent.. but she's my chief... my best advisor... i miss haslan.. everything also can...i miss rayner for his computer advise.. i miss shang for being my closest neighbour.. i miss Michelle from airforce.. hahahahahhaha... ney.. not as much as you guys...

Still can remember the shots Mark took of MPO at East Coast. Seems like time really flew.. Then he was so drunk that started talking some kinda nonscense that we all laughed.

MPO Sir, Kudos to you.

Training

I miss my training branch guys. One and everyone of them.. i miss their hositality... i miss the times spent together.. Edmund, ah liang my couz, wing, jason, cai, cewei, fred, and the who.. i forgot your name... with freddy one.. :P i miss TOPA.. i also forgot your name.. i miss the guitar that staff would let us use occasionally...

Staff Jahsh is awesome. He helped me through so many shit.. shared with me his army and rock music experience like some lao jiao... hahahaha love that guy man...Nic is really helpful. All that conduct of events together... wow... AHM anyone? Actually he has done most of the training himself.. hahahhaah thank you so much for all the prep for it...

Fitness

I miss msg Artisan, for his shouldering of a shit for me and then kenna F-ed by some unreasonable superior. I REALLY appreicate it a lot. That was like so many months ago but still you made it good for me...

I miss All you coyline people.. so many of you.. For your friendship and companionship thru those so many events. Though I'm like so hidden away in my office, but still you all accepted me as your fellow comrade in arms.. I miss going down to apache coy, c coy, k coy, g coy to spend those idilic moments... i miss the bball game with training branch... i miss doing calafare when playing soccer with the coylines.. i miss the SOC ground next to k coy.. i miss all of you entertained me in my childishness... playing silly games... i miss eric for the hide and seek.. i miss all my clerks.. my men that i take pride in... i miss giam, alvin, luqman, arun, shuan, musa... i miss the specs from everywhere... although i dunno most of your names.. i thank you all for your friendship... i miss my CSMs... esp Jahsh , msg Koay, Faizul, Ong... these friendly people.. i miss all my PCs... you are not just all about SDO candidates to me.. you are my friends... irregardless of which cohort we belong to... you guys rock my world... i also miss the warrent officers.. being from a warrent coy when i was a rec, i've got this deep and immerse respect for the warrent corp... esp Razali and Vennu.. You guys show me that warrent officers are people with hearts to love and to guide and to lead.. esp Vennu for your orange juice u offered me when i kenna big time from our infamous u know who... i was almost breaking down.. but you held me up there and then.. i miss i miss the OCs, i miss so many of you guys... i miss my ex PC, Lta Damien.. i miss Lta Sam,i miss the OOs... their exp is unbelievable...

Can you believe it, i'm only like halfway thru.... in short.. i miss a lot of you guys.. even doc pillai, the medics, so many people~! wad have i been doing???? socialising n not working????????

i going nuts with this miss u speech.. :P

I MISS BMTC 1!

okie.. i've better be going off now for my band performance... i'm LTA(ns) Li as well as Bassist Bob.. a mini mini start to bigger n bigger shows down the road...

i'm here.

Weijian

OrD personnel...

i just went back camp for my ORD function cum promotion cert presentation. Lovely time i've had there. Interacted with several of my campmates, closely attached to many of them, i had many mini gatherings of sort. Before we knew it, it's the cert and plaque presentation time.

Names upon names were called, the recipients went onstage coupled with cheers from their respective supporters.

Then i pondered.

Shucks man.. beeni n HQ so long, dun even have a company of my own. My OC is every's 2IC and he's not the most ideal person you would turn to for anything.. who's gonna clap for me?

Then i saw the other folks from HQ, hey.. it aint so bad.. maybe i've got my fair share of supporters.

the name list went on and on.. the emcee rattled off constantly, but with no mention of my name. Hmm.. Just as curious as i was, many of my peers asked me.. "Eh, never call your name yet ah?" Maybe i'm not promoted? Not going to get any appreciation for my ORD?

Finally the emcee said, "last but not least, LTA Li Weijian!"

The crowd roared.

Some of the other company OCs gave overhead applauses.. The other folks were chanting Dy, Dy, Dy.. stunned... suddenly i felt like a superstar winning the Best Actor award.. wow.. the people love me eh?

On stage, my CO said, "You think we are not going to call your name rite?" hahha.. how true..

How time flies..

I'm gonna miss you guys~

ORD in progress.. 8 days an counting..

Loved
LTA Li

Ah... i smell civilization in the making.

Am pretty busy with my own stuffs these few daes. Designing, drawing, playing my bass, tutoring my gal, exercising, meeting up friends, kaypohing at *scape, etc etc. Kinda nice i muz admit. Relaxing, doing what i always wanted.. then reality struck.

"Your gold mine has collapsed."

Yes, i just drew my last allowance from the lovely SAF. After contributing more than 2 yrs of my life to it's service. Kinda sad though, but then again.. i slogged from morning till nite, only to draw a measery $1020 a month. Life must go on, i cant keep working like a cow and earning like a mouse. Change is imminent, progress is complusory. I MUST move on.

Been working on my portfolio these days and also just submited my resume online. It's quite exciting to receive so many phone calls asking if i'm interested in this job, in that job.. but hey, i cant start just yet my dear HR recruiters.. i have yet to ORD... after that i'll be flying n then preparing a major gathering for my pri sch frens!

Work.. can wait.. for now.

Also been bumping into old frens these days. Crashed into former Tekong colleagues, my poly classmate and poly juniors.. It's great to know that there is life outside of the army. People are still getting employed and SG male dun have to rely on the army for their economic survival. Lovely, the epitome of civilization.

Alrite i gotta hit the sack. Care bear's cloud ride is gonna get clamped by Zhou Gong, poor furry friend of mine is waiting for me to join him in lalaland.

CCC

Bob

My army days are numbered. The day I once yearned for suddenly seems a little undesirable. My subconcious nature is interceding with God, to slow the tides to a crawl, so that I can appreciate more of what I once shunned, unfortunately such intervention proves futile.

My heart is running the mile again, just like the good ol days before departing from one institute to another. Those wasted tears for uncherished years, seems a little oxymoronic. Life is indeed a paradox. Oh how I wish I can manipulate it to my advantage, command and control at my fancy.

Just like what Chris Martin of Coldplay sings in their evergreen single, "the Scientist"

Nobody said it was easy, Oh It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

My former days were tough, but it's indeed a shame for me to just leave this place. Perhaps, it would be better if i'm brought back to the beginning of it all..

Soldier Bob.

PS: Guess what? This blog contains entries from the time i started serving the nation till i turn operational. Wow! A timeline of some sort. My memories digitized, saved and archived for future reference. Love you Mr Blog!

i twitched the settings
fine tuned the codes
i connect the switches
powered up my soul

i polished my body
pridefully adorned
liked unto an armor
victorious from battles

then i realised
I lacked a heart
i dunno how it feels
to sense your heart

so strip me of the pride
strapped to the belt
send me to the furnace
so that i can learn to melt

a heart like yours..

i love my carrot stewed :)

Birthdays after birthdays.. they never seem to end eh? hehheeh.. but it's good, coz they're reminders that these wonderful people were added to the earth's population and have impacted my life in a great way..

Today's my gal's mom's birthday, the 19th is my dear's birthday, 13th is my dad's birthday.. these people are people i love and have contributed to my being and development over the year/s.

i was going thru some of my old stuffs, and i'm pretty surprised at how God has made woman to be. They are very detailed beings. They notice the little things in life, things that we guys often brush aside as irrelevant or not practical. Upon reflection, only then did i realise to what extend or impact they signify..

So to all guys out there, please take some time out. Observe the gals ard you. You'll never know what those mini favours, little notes, passing remarks meant; unless you stop to appreciate. Who knows, a bigger plot unfolds...

To steal your heart.

Just like how mine was stolen..

Loving my gal to bits in my carrot stew!

Yummy~!
Bob

Heyhey~!

I just found something I wrote 2 years ago in a Yahoo group of mine.. kinda like it.. so here goes~!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Staring down what i adorned
I kissed my youth goodbye
Casting away the robes long worn
Of laughters rang and many sighs

Caress the threads that remained
over my arms in silken flow
depart they must, as ordained
restraining none my hands to hold

Thrusted with fine linen to dress
Innocence sneaked a lingering grin
swiftly wore these Sunday bests
To step on my stage, for a new life begins

Weijian 19/4/03

The testimonials say it all...

I'm not trying to be complacent here. riding upon the praises of others that I make a superb boyfriend. Rather I'm making a reflection of the things I've done and contributed to making this relationship evergreen.

There has to be commitment from all, to ensure that their relationship grows. But as we give, we must also know when to let down and to hold back so that we can build ourselves up again as we prepare ourselves for the next round of commitment. I'm not talking about cooling off time or what, rather it's the focusing of our attention on things that would further develop ourselves as a person, and in the long run, contribute better to the relationship.

I wanna be the spiritual leader that my gal can lean on for support and advice, I wanna be that designer that can support for my family's needs and wants, I wanna be that bassist that my gal can gush and swoon over n over, I wanna train up and keep fit so that I'll look good wif my gal, I wanna be so much and more.. But alas, time does not come in abundance for such ordained activities.

all these are only possible if I set time aside to achieve them. So my dear gal, when i'm not there, when I seem a lil resistant. Pls dun interpret it as I'm trying to shun away from you. Rather i need to develop myself to be a better person you and for all around me.. I dont wanna be remembered as a person who only gives his all to his gal and then is left with nothing achieved at the end of the day. Then we gotta think, will the gal still want him? Will he still have that self-esteem he once had?

I've seen guys(and gals) going into relationships, giving their all, and then going different ways but having achieve nought. what's left for the guy or gal who loses out? Nothing.

So as we grow in our relationship, let us too grow in our personal development. It would build a better self-image for us and also makes me feel more deserving of you. :)

I need to know my worth as I walk with you.

Bob

I wonder...

What does it take to the the perfect boyfriend?

Someone who is totally dedicated to the decreed whimes and fancies of Her Highness? Forsaking much, to follow the girl whom Cupid pierced, our hearts with one shot? When there are so many on the balance, how then does one decide what to let go and hold not?

Many a times, I would be tormented with difficult decisions to make. Decisions that would somehow wreck the day of someone.. I want to accede to all, but alas, I am but human.. omni-present; I'm not..

today my gal got superbly pissed off with me, coz i made an empty promise to her. I wanted to meet her today, don't wanna disappoint her, that's why I gave her my word. But now, I'm like torn.. woke up really late, can't meet her. Contemplating to find her after her school, but it would deny my dad the chance to have dinner with me. Already he commented that I didnt like home, always on the run.. that hurts..

What about after dinner? My band wanna jam. It's been a long long while since we jammed.. even if i dont jam and then meet her, it'll be so late by the time i reached home and I gotta go back camp tomorrow morning..

To make things worst, I'm flawed. I don't really talk about things-gone-wrong. This in itself, has presented as an obstacle for every conversations; arguements included.

After much verbal tussle, calling on airstrikes, n rounds of armour-piercing missiles, we finally ended it with an atomic bomb of... Love.

Awwwww....

Love covers all.. That's the amazing part of it..

That's rite.. still loving my dear as much.. but this time round, cherishing her a lil more than before.

Bob

Wow, awesome nite.

Was out at the airport sending off a fellow platoon mate of mine, Alvin, who is going over to Cambridge*gaspx* to further his studies.

Yes. Cambridge.

*more gasping and an overwhelmed lady collapses*

He's on a scholarship and will be doing his Masters at US, totally FOC. The emphasis here is more of the "will be". Masters is the understatement, Doctorate? Perhaps...

*paramedic collapses upon the fallen lady*

In today's society of paper chase, or rather Singapore's context, perhaps he has attained the quintessence of success. He is not all that good looking, can't find hordes of gals/fans swarming him down, neither did he wave wades of $1000 bills as we bid farwell. But still he has achieved something that we can only dream of, a scholarship to the most prestigious College in the world!

Now is this what we quantify success as? Think again. To each his own, I can't enforce mine on you, but I may try to leave an introspect for you to ponder upon.

To some it may be wealth; some, health; others, longivity, or even, enlightenment. But success to me is...

Salvation and Happiness.

Why salvation? Because of my faith and belief.

Happiness? Needless to say. To have all material and grieve, is worst then to have not and rejoice. It's like being a billionaire who's disfigured, handicapped, friendless, Aids carrier, etc etc.. you've gotta try to think along that line, to really understand that statement.

Ok, i'm going off-track.

Alrite, so wad so awesome about tonight? Well, after sending off our dear friend, we gathered at Wala wala for a chilling out session. (i had lemon tea btw) The crowd was good, gals flanked our sides, company was great, but best of all, we had an awsome live band performance for our sensory pleasures. Sharlin n band was in the house, playing some really crowd-stirring music.

Here's a shot..





Sharlin in action! Cool lighting eh? pity i couldnt play much with the shutter speed n exposure stuff..



Place aint really sleazy, but still the folks around r like puffing their lives away.. anyway, that didnt dampen my nite.. great fun nonetheless..

What was disturbing was that the gals who flanked us were butches and les.. I'm not against them, but just kinda disappointed why did those pretty gals choose semi-guys over hunks like us?? n why did they choose to convert?? perhaps in my chauvinistic mindset, i'm never gonna realise that fact of life..

Oh well.. tat pretty much sums up my adventure for the nite. :P

Cheers
Bob

Race Day

Line up of the nite, Celica, Toyota Corolla n Nissan Sunny!

It starts off with a race between the Toyota n Nissan off Mac Reserve.. Nissan exhibits excellent pickup and is running at it's prime with Toyota tailing behind. Oh no, the traffic juntion ahead proves a little complicated for our "triangulated" driver, thus losing the lead and reaches the next check point, 3rd in position, along with a new comer, Celica, at the frontline.

Light turns Red, Amber, Green! What horsepower! Celica must be running 60-70km/hr at it's first gear! Toyota takes no chances, following closely behind. Nissan trailing not too far, maintaining pace. They are running at 3rd lane in a row, Celica throws out a right signal, Toyota follows suit. Wasting no chances, Nissan changes over along side. All 3 cars are waiting for a lead, until Nissan throws a right signal and jumps onto the 1st lane, takes the lead, and the other 2 follows suit. This has become a close chase, Celica coming dangereously close to Nissan's boot, tailgating has never soar such heights! Nissan, maintaining his cool, led the pack all the way down to Outram. A chance arose for the rear folks, after pacing themselves in Nissan's backdraft, they switched lane in an open competition and full throttled ahead! What a spectacular sight! Toyota showing a lot of substance! Believe it must be running at least a 2.0l! Toyota overtakes Celica and reaches the final check point. In lead, Toyota, followed by Nissan than Celica. Nissan's driver takes a peek at the "man" behind the wheels. Oh what disappointment! A geeky lady?!?! Wasted no time, Nissan lapped up the finishing move, coming in first, Toyota then Celica.. of course, with the ingeniuity of manipulating huge n clumsy vehicles to stall the competition. Applause!

Definitely an awesome race nite! Like any other day, the champion downs a mug of ice cold soya bean as a reward for being the best!

All hail the Nissan!

Bob

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Basic....
Marching in is the recruits from....
May I present to you from BMTC the Traaaaaaaaaaained Soldiers!

The recruits leaping in jubilee, thrusting their jockey caps into the air..
The parents gave an outpour of applause, beaming with pride at their conditioned boys...

Yes.. boys they were.. soldiers they've been trained to be..

As the section commanders received heartfelt gratitude from their outgoing recruits, there I just stood at the control room... eyeing will a tinge of jealousy.. then i remembered a recruit of mine.. one i brought out of db and into one of the companys. I left the room, scouted the ground for him.. there I found him.. my recruit..

"This is my recruit, there are many like him, but this one is mine"

Finally.. my last parade.. something that I once longed for... but somehow or rather.. i felt kinda lost. Didnt know whether to be happy or sad.. my joy was mixed with confusion.. perhaps there was a dash of grief.. Then i grabbed the mic from the emcee and stole his lines... finally.. i could do something i've always tasked someone else to do... oh wad joy seep into this heart oh mine..

I recall the parting words of my clerks... and specs.. so many of them... expressing their lost when i'm gone... explicit as it may be... it touched my heart in a gentle way.. perhaps.. it's heartwarming to see trained commanders and soldiers casting aside their man-ness to reveal their humane side for me.. Some stole hugs from me.. some tried to get last min favours.. some expressed their lost when i'm gone... Some, made me feel like staying a little longer.. Alas..

Tomorrow i'll be seeing my ang mo pc fren.. a superb guy i've worked with in tekong.. for his farewell dinner and then seeing him off on Fri... wow... how time flies eh? People going on to their next phase of life. Like me, I've got my next phase waiting behind that door.. guess I gotta take that step one day.. but suddenly i dont want it to be so soon...

Dear blog.. tell me.. life is bittersweet.. aint it?

Regards
Bob

My last recruit's evening..

Oh what sound beckons..
The drawing of old memories from their yonder years
The joy, the cheers, the laughters, the jeers..
How they echo out my younger years

Oh what sound beckons..
The command and control over the lower ranks
Not by my bar, but by my heart
I led the sergeants, the recruits and the men...

Oh what sound beckons..
When rallied voices joined in one accord
my words then their replies
Oh how i love to lead the lot..

Oh what sound beckons..
The joyful shouts and pride exclaimed
The winners, the losers, the neutrals left
Only but the empty chairs remained

Oh what sound beckons..
My younger years, my youngers years..
Oh how i miss the army songs
the words we sang, soldiers together..

Oh what sound beckons..
The echos down the fading days
My days are numbered in passing scores
tumbling out in rolling waves.

Bob

Interview with a photographer.

What a life he leads. Camera in hand, he crosses boundaries and space to get the shots he disires. Around the world he tracks, a truckload of stories he packs home.

Kinda reminded myself of what I wanted to do...

Pack my drawing board, camera, guitar and ipod.. I wanna track the globe in search of a sight worthy to be captured in my lens.. The faces of life. The candid shots.. the impromptu moments.. the past that I want frozen in a timeless dimension.

Bob

I'm not a particular fan of Superstar.. never really followed the show.. but i just happened to get a peek at my home telly, and saw the hottie Junyang, losing to the visually impaired.

The fans erupted.

The sister beseeched us not to focus on what he lacks, but what he has been gifted with.

I tot Junyang would win.. but boy was i shocked.. and mildly surprised.

Am glad that the partially blind guy won..

Really..

I want the world to know that the lesser of people are able to make their mark in this world.. i wanna know that the world is not all about looks, material stuffs, image, fame and glamour..

I was not really attractive.. introvert.. very much imperfected... but God is good. I changed a lot eversince i came to Christ.. outwardly.. and inwardly.. i am where i am becoz of God. But as much as I've changed, i will never forget my past.. and i know what the less desirable people feels.. Their insecurity.. their lack of self-esteem and worth..

Everyone thinks i rather the blind win is coz my ex felt he is very handsome.. but hey.. that's the past.. n it's so childish to harbour any hurt towards him.. n i really dun mind what has happened..

Oh well.. hope my gal aint angry reading this.. yes.. this is one thing i'm not secure with..

Cheers

Bob

Dritfting down memory lane..
glancing at those former daily affairs
Never did they seemed the same
a lil more, i wish, i've cared

The places i once lived
Void decks i used to run
alongside the canal beneath
with all my childhood fun

Sadly, the rustic feel has left
Old structures overrun by new
only their memories i have
So strong a lost i feel

Granny was a very strong woman
guilding this lil boy, lil me
I would try to lessen her burden
As she transacted effortlessly

Yes, I was that granny's lil boy
As everyone knew me by
By her side I've toiled
Because I love her ceaselessly

Now everyone seemed a lil older
along with this lil boy
But i'm boy no more
Their memories i'm not found

Saddened..
I missed them all.. so much... so much..

I wished I could speak Hokkien.. I wished I could tell them.. look at me! I've grown up! and I remember you! Please say you remember me too..

When i bought a sweet from them recently... it was not so much i wanted a sweet.. rather i wanted to stand where i used to buy my candies as my granny would pay for them.. the stall owners will always play with me.. yes.. i fondly remember...
so i stole glances at her wrinkled face.. white strains of hair streaking across her head.. her fashion sense never really changed.. i miss how she would call my name so fondly...

i'm a big boy now... look at me..

Ah Jian...

There are 3 dimensions are in constant interaction, namely; Past, Present and Future.

This is my interpretation of their co-relationship.

Future: Planning phase
Present: Execution phase
Past: After action review

Future:
It is very much like any industrial/commercial workflow. The organisation would gather a team of people to identify the problem and then brainstorm for a solution. Experience sharing and trial testing are extremely useful if it's an initial attempt at that concept.

Present:
The execution of the well-thought out plan. The trials and testings are based upon simulated environment. but life's uncertainty is a definite constant, therefore contingency plans and reaction force on the ground are what I would call part of the conceived plan.

Past:
When all's over, the team re-orgs for a debrief. Lessons learnt and pointers picked up are the key highlights of this phase. The informations are consolidated and then implemented and considered for the next project.


Now, that's the end of the intro.

I'm not some business solution speaker. Those that i've mentioned are based upon what I have learnt over the years.

Rather i'm ever so intrigued by the turning of tides.. the passing of time and it's fleeting moments long gone. It doesnt even mater if it's gone for a short while. Once time has passed, it's gone forever.

When i was young, I'm always that lil boy you see down the streets. Whining when things dont go my way, crying when i'm at my wits ends and smiling at anything that might bring some prospect to my childish desires.

Young I was.. and young i tot i'll always be. Time just crept by, slowly but sure. Yes, I was mildly aware of it's movement. But i never did bother to give it a hoot or 2, coz it's progress was negligible. And so I was deceived until recently....

I had a primary sch reunion.. The people looked kinda the same. Maybe coz we meet every year or so. Therefore we are constantly undated of everyone's evolution over time. The an unfamiliar face took seat next to me. Puzzled, i just brushed him off as a 2nd-tier fren of one of my friends, of whom i wasnt very interested in. Until someone posed the qn to me... "ni zhi dao ta shi shui ma?"(You know who is he a not?) Curiosity arose, i replied cautiously.. who?

"Jinquan."

Immediately my brain went into full steam ahead. The clanging of gears, grinding of chain rings and hypertreading of information. I raced back in time and found this kid whom i saw crying over Science PSLE, playing basketball, and looking every scrawny and small.

Freak... He IS MY LONG LOST FREN!

Yes. The classic example of the full blown effect of accumulated lost time. a good 10 years have passed. A living speciment.. speechless for a brief moment... before i unleashed waves after waves of questions. Unable to contain my excitement.. i simply blabber off as much as i could. Rendering him as speechless as I was when i first had the revelation.

Yes.. time has played a prank on me.. i turned around to reprimand time.. but time was never found the same again. Time took on a different facade everytime i seek it. Still remembering how I begged God to record down my Comissioning Parade prior to our entry. The cheers, the band, the pride... so much i have given just for that day.. and now that day is almost a year ago..

I wished for time to stand still.. So that i can appreciate what I have now.. to fully enjoy it seems so hard.. yet time ever not forgiving.. just stepped on and on...

Oh well.. time.. take some time to sit by my side.. let me grasp your hand.. and stare into your eyes.. to see the mysteries you hide..

Oh well...

I'll be oldified before i realise... perhaps I could catch the comms parade video recording God has prepared for me..

love...

Bob

The significant other..

Many seek for one. When found, their passion for each other thrive on the initial novelty of this newfound relationship. Through the passage of time, flames fan out, desires die down. Then flaws becomes more obvious, minor disputes sneak in.. slowly but surely, they morph into something hideous.. something of enormous proportion.. smashing everything in sight, including their relationship. Relationship then takes a break, a vacation, and finally a migration and never to return.

I am seeing relationships falling aparts like some cherry blossom season, petals coming apart everywhere. It is disheartening, definitely. But then again, why did it come to such a state? I can only conclude that either of the party didnt want to go thru that extra mile they once vowed to give endlessly.

But definitely something good has to come out of it.. If not at least a lesson learnt. Well, definitely the greatest takeaway for me is the knowledge of my dearest's love for me. It's so great, so compromising, even when it's so hard to give, she gave.

Definitely there'll be times when flavours stale, but i'll make an effort to relive everyday like we
just got attached. Those precious moments breathe new life into the relationship n strengthens the existing bond.

So I hoped I've packed a takeaway for all you readers(if any) to ponder upon.

What is a man without his other half? A half man?? Nope, just an incomplete man..
Cherish your significant other.

Cheers
Bob

House moving tips:

Never leave home without your cuddles.

Dear Mr Blog,

how have you been?

It's been a while since i last dropped by, leaving any word for keepsake.

Well, i sure do have an amazing week since i enlisted.. gained some kinda experience, but not the kind the army is promoting.

It was in the news, the lost of a serviceman..

Well so here's the breakdown of lost:

1. lost of ink to newspapers
2. lost of screen time to television stations
3. lost of sleep/weekend for duty personnels
4. lost of a friend to a commando
5. lost of a bunk mate to three
6. lost of a son to two
7. lost of a brother to one

Yes, to many, he is just a statistic, a figure in the news, yet many never fathom what this meant to a selected few.. Those who are committed to spend their whole lifetime together with him. The stammering words, the struggle to fight the tears, the pride of being the man for many.. the brother cant break down, less the rest will.

I too fought the tears that came. I thought to myself, who am I to him? Am i not a distant superior that send down indirect arrows upon him, like many others? Am I not a peer waiting to serve finish my due and then resume my civilian life? Am I not one of them that saw the chopper coming down to bring him to where he'll be pronounced dead?

Then it dawned upon me, I'm human too.

Who can afford to stand in the viewing gallery of the crematorium and yet not feel a twitch on his heartstring when the dearests sobbed uncontrollably as the serviceman was rolled towards the furnace?

Oh well... maybe it's the memories tagged along with this oh so familiar scene. maybe it's because I too shared a eulogy on my late bro... maybe i understand his lost.. the desire to end the boyish fights, and to finally shared our long overdue brotherly love for each other... when age finally catch up, and the coming of senses... when i wanna fight for my bro as he fought for me when i was yet weak... i would give everything for his ressurrection...

Life and it's delicate balance. You'll never know how fragile it is till something's broken...

Please cherish life, it's a gift, a privilege, not an entitlement.


For a friend, this once.
And so the firers aimed skywards
a final shot, another and another
please hear their efforts in heaven

for a friend, this once
A commando hides not his grief
tears, not blood was shed
for someone who deserves this and more

for a friend, this once
platoonmates rallied in arms
a most unnatural reunion
a cause never to be repeated

for a friend, this once
they casavaced him one last time
every step they struggled
never they want to send their friend away in a coffin

for a friend, this once
and only once they plea

weijian
050705

Life's an irony. Packed in a box, label pandora's, lost in a shift of paradigm and never found next to me.

Knock knock~!

What's up? Why am i walking with chains? Why am i almost screaming at my love?

I wish I can say sorry..

probably do a double flip and then a round heel kick into myself.. hmm.. guess where it'll land?

That's rite.. my butt.

Stoop~!! id...

I wish i can make things better for my dear. but i tink i've just made things worst.

Oh well... and so the song of grief plays. never for anyone.. less the hurt chews into your heart.

love my dear

a lot a lot

Bob

Sometimes..

I ponder...

When God came down to dwell in our midst, he knew of his heavenly heritage. what about the angels? Do they have any irkling of their roots upon manifestation in mortal being?

I sure hope not.

Why?

Coz i wanna believe that I maybe.. somehow.. distantly.. faintly..

am an angel~! Descended from above to dwell among our Lord's creation.

*Distant sound of chaos in Providence, as heavenly hosts activated contingency plan to find means and ways to conceal one of heaven's top secrets exposed by their fellow halo-ed folks. *

Since young i wanted to be a social worker.. loved animals.. SPCA membership.. I wanted to help people.. to give what I have and attempt for those I have not.. feel that I am gentle and meek by nature.. but trained in army to kill and defend what I protect. Command and control not by rank or structure, but by respect and friendship.

I love to be good, to do nice things, alas, oh Lord, let me not die in this dog eat dog world, rat race society.. sure do feel like a lamb sent to the lions' pit.

kk.. enough said.. gotta prep for cell guitaring soon~! :)

bubbye~!


Now now.. where did i chuck my halo?


Yeah~!

Bob

Yesterday i booked out. Took the fastcraft with one of my clerks. Shared a few moments together. Suddenly we touched upon our ORD date. Ah.. what a lovely tune to my ear. Unfortunately it was disaster for him. Oh how he lamented, sneaked joy into my heart. With every sentence, my grin stretched a little wider.

"It is the lost of every coyline clerks!" he laments, my heart skipped.
"You are a very good Dy to us.., Osman told me that in his 3 years plus in camp, he has never seen a friendlier Dy!" Oh.. my heart just sank it's feets into cloud 9.

"Aiyah... " and so he sighs.


"Ding dong.." please fasten your seat belts. Thank you for travelling with Cloud 9.

And so my heart fluttered to a place flowing with milk and honey...


Like what I have told many of my clerks. I have no men to my name, no section commander to support nor PS to assist. But I only have my clerks as my men. They are the ones who fight my kind of battle. The admin kind. They may not necessary be the fittest, nor the most garang. But definitely they are my men. Whatever their size, height, education or fitness, I take pride in leading them and being their head.

I have not been called to Officerhood for nuts, leave that for the monkeys. I came to make an impact on my guys, my men.

i will not step down till I have made a difference to them.

Coz,

i am your Dy.

Heads up guys. Dy is here to stay.

Cheers
Dy

Bob

i've rediscovered my purpose for life! or rather review my plans again and putting them into action. :)

ahhh... fresh air... once again. :)

Bob

By special request of my dear.. I'm writing in again~! :P

I wonder why life is sometimes so unfair.

Before you jump to any conclusion, one that birth forth out of my own selfish desires and dissatisfactory with life. Please allow me to speak.

Who remembers the frail-looking indian lady selling tissue at Heeren's junction, the old lady at Centrepoint, the blind man on the road between Scotts and Marriot, and of course our blind man in the underpass? Well I do. More than that, I feel a sense of injustice towards them..

What manner of sin have they commit that they are in such states? Why must they suffer? when I see the rich, spoilt and good looking brats whining over missed sales or making sacastic remarks at others, I wonder why. Don't they know their weekly allowance is others monthly wages? What if these are the sole breadwinner in their families??

I pondered often.

Could God have made a mistake?

Many a day I wondered. But I do not doubt my Lord's works..

Already I have an answer for myself. But I sure do wish that the rich can do more for the poor.

Okidoki~

Cheers

Dear Blog,

Finally I'm writing in again. What a long while has passed since I last came to you..

Spring came, bundles of joy it brought
Summer followed, blooming forth
But Autumn snipped away the yellowed thoughts
sending my peace flying north

So it flew
To my yesterday

I opened my eyes and saw a kalaidescope
Formed by stars in the sky
shining, shimmering with a dash of hope
Then I saw a teardrop fly

So it flew
To my yesterday

I searched my pockets, scanned through my seams
In hope of finding my peace
I'm broken, I'm hurt, I'm broke, eating dirt
Dear God, can you spare me some peace?

With net in hands, and a clumsy cage
i lured peace with my broken heart
An effective bait, as promised by God
Let's wait, and my peace will come

So it flew
To my broken cage

weijian li
270305

i just read a story about shmily.. so touching.. so nice... u guys shd look it thru too~

a poem. rather wierd one though..

music man wrecks
bashing and slamming self in a corner
songs, dont defect
lest your voice gets choked by a noose

your sorry state
is but a self-destructorian succeed
you sealed your fate
when he fails to breathe, when help dont intercede

cry all you want
you are nothing but a thought, a squished dream
sing all you want
to the stone cold grey blocks with your facade imprint

weijian li
310105

the home's empty, the lawn's overgrown
pictures scrawnd across the peeling wall
Old, frayed, cold, right down to the bones
lies my mind, a slouched ragged doll

Mary used to adore me at tea
out on that sunny lawn
seated with us is mr teddy
a bright yellow bell he dons

Oh how far art those days
Mary grew up and chuckd us aside
she chased idols and fashion craze
while we laid prey to rats n mites

The days of old passed us by
Mary moved on, but not with us
teddy sobbed, while i tried not to cry
watching her board that fateful bus

Mary mary, where art you now
can you hear your first loves tear
like a broken dam, gushing down
every drop hoped to bring you near

mr teddy had a terrible day
He lost his legs to rodents
head got gnawed away by a stray
before being condemned to a furnace.

There I was, carelessly sprawled
through the days and nights, tears and fright
how i missed my name on Mary's call
those lovely nights, those lovely nights

i just longed for those happiles
Mary my left, teddy my right
chatting over a cuppa tea
how we spent those lovely nights

Mary, teddy, where are you?
Mary, teddy, one's in heaven, the other's in hell
Don't forget to share our brew
mixed with tears, tea leaves and a yellow bell

weijian li
030105

Dear 2004,

thank you..

The memories you have left me.. the times I teared, and cried.. the emotions shared..

thank you for them all..

scale the mountain tops of taiwan
survived the jungles of brunei
fall so deeply in love, so deeply in love with my dear
The strength of the people, in the event of natural disaster.
God's presence and strength in my toughest days...
mastering the art of stand sleeping
My best friends are here, never left me despite my long weeks n months of training..
The smiles shared with my platoon guys in trying times
I found a friend in kimberly
Channel I leaving the tv screen.
Bc rich came into my life
leading my first bunch of recruits
I found a lost friend in wanhui
When faith returns, to know she's going again

well.. these r juz what that comes to my mind for now...

farewell

anyway... hello 2005!

Wow...
how days fly
how time never lie
of what it can reveal
tides aside, nothing concealed

I've gotten myself a bc rich warwick bass.. haha

I've been so bogged down in camp.. not that shagged anymore like ocs daes... juz bz doing the norms... :P

Lord!! let me do greatest in my lifetime!!

Love
weijian

life as an officer...

this week marks my last week as an apc(assistant pc) in "Gyrphon" coy. My stint there was though short, but satisfying. No amount of words can describe the sense of fulfillment when you become a leader of men, young and full energy, the kind of things you can inspire them to do. I enjoy leading by example, running alongside with my recruits, carrying heavier fieldpack to spur them on in route march, standing with them in the grenade bay risking my watermelon with explosives in their butter fingers. When you truely care for your men, they can see, and with it comes respect.

I just bumped into some recruits yesterdae at sakae. although they are from a different platoon, the warmth n frenship extended to me was simply touching. i may not be their leader, but perhaps my dedication to my platoon was evident to them. They also made mention of my inspiring act of packing medicine balls into my fieldpack for route march.

never forget the needs they have. To you they may be a platoon of men, but to them you are an individual, a leader who is empowered to make a difference in their lives.

oh yeah... i'm off to be a staff officer. paperwork n tyranic superiors seems to be the staples of the day. why then did i choose to be a staff you may ask? coz i've got a purpose for my life. i know i'll better spend my free time after office hours out of camp. I've got plans for my future and work for it starts now...

idllic days are but a passing wave
a dream to see, but nought to behold
stop whirling world in your endless daze
to see a purpose, till the daes of old.

gotta go get busy :P

weijian

A lil extract of what i wrote to my most beloved;

i may not be able to impact some old ladies down the streets,
housed alone,
death impending.

But at least i can make a soldier smile,
load lightened,
soul heartening.

Someday, some soldiers will say, "i had this officer who led me for 2 weeks and he inspired much."



Show me a leader, and I'll know his men.
Show me the men, and I'll know their leader.

*someone i forgot who*

ARGH!
what is the world coming to?! So many people been stepping on my feet, chewing on my tiny nerve, kicking me straight into my funny bones.

i'm too tired to tink now...
lemme go rest n tok to zhou gong about tis issue :P

no lahz.
God lah.

good nite folks...

Wat lovely time we had at the Comms Ball!!

My dear took several photos of us around Shangz, dressed in our most elegent ball wear, looking pretty in ever corner of the place. The ambience was great, the place was magnificent, the memories were sweet. Definitely her companionship made it a perfect evening :)

hope to go there again one dae!

Weijian

A thought to pen...

Wow...finally, i'm updating this wonderful blog of mine. it's been a long long while since i last made an input, due to negligiance and procrastination. Yupyup.. oh well, better late than never. Yeah?

time flew by, subconciously, leaving a track to trail.
there i was, stumbling on, an aching soul to fail
try as i may, with might or flight, it never stood still
slowly but surely, my heart to feel, my soul to heal

deep eh?? yeah~! i tot so too! came up with tis in a couple of minutes.

Yesh, time has passed me by so quickly, so fast. Been thru survival, graced a mountain peak, baptized in river, shed tears of joy, fought senselessly, heart flipped ceaselessly, with a rotting limb. frens missed, buddies lost, experience gained, and more to come.

Right now i've already graduated from my school and moved on to a new phase of military life. wow... got a choc bar, tasted it's power, yeah.. feels good but heavy. guess tat's the price to pay, on top of those downpayments for the last 10 months.

Coming back to a place of knowing God more. Praise and faith, making it possible. I'm hoping to contribute more to my cell, church and of coz Godly works. yeah~ things r in the pipeline... coming to past. :)

yeah~ just gotta hold on and enjoy the ride.